:| One is Better Than None |: {Tamron!oneshot}

The first time I had intently watched the Games, I had collided with the hard ground as I watched my brother Crusader fall to his knees and to 4th place in the 68th Games. I had learned my lesson, realized what it was like to live with my body on this earth rather than my head in the clouds. I was no longer a dreamer, a thinker. Instead, I had to learn how to be practical, how to live. But then Harbinger was reaped and I was at a loss for myself. Before, it had been so easy for me to duck my head back into the clouds, thinking of a world where we were all free and death was just a figment of our imaginations.

But that cold collision prevented me from doing it again and I watched this Games learning how to accept reality, that there was a possibility that Harbinger might not make it home alive. I watched as him and his allies fought mutts and tributes before finally, his weapon made him a master of death and more importantly, a survivor. I had to admit that I was shocked, concerned, worried that Harbinger had resorted to killing—the Harbinger I knew wanted to heal—but nothing could have prepared me when he killed his ally.

What was running through his mind? Why would he do that? After days of taking care of her and his other allies, Harbinger decided to kill her? But the bloodshed didn’t stop there and I could only stare at the screen as I watched my brother kill and kill again. A part of me was hopeful as he climbed up in place—there was a chance he could come back alive—but another part of me was worried. Would he be the same Harbinger we had said our goodbyes to? I knew the short answer was no and I kept watching the finale, a part of me—a part that I am disgusted by—wasn’t sure that I wanted Harbinger back home.

Fear was replaced with happiness as he landed that final blow and I watched the girl fall before him. He’s coming home. He’s coming back to District 11. Yet I was also sad, sad because while Harbinger was able to come home, Crusader could not and it meant that our family would never be home again. But we would celebrate because we had a brother back, and that was all that mattered.