don't change too much {Muffin; blitz}

So this is what it feels like? Her hands rest against her chest, fingers wound tightly around her shirt. The utter relief that sunk into your chest as you realised it was over, and that for a moment she would be able to stand in her district a little less of a failure. Ruth was dead, and it was heartbreaking to think that the girl would be drowned out, that families pain a grain of sand in comparison to the joy that the district would have. It had been the same with Xanthus, when anyone thought about the 64th Hunger Games it was her name, Yaa's, Locust's, maybe a whisper here and there of his.

She would remember, this failure of a mentor would remember, just as she remembered each name she had lost. They were her ghosts, the ones she knew she could live with. She didn't have a choice.

The laugh she chokes out past her sob is ungraceful, and she slips into the room and onto the chair beside him. A single scarred hand covers her lips as she struggled to contain her emotions. "I'm so sorry." She gasped, and before she knew it her eyes were stinging and tears spilled from her eyes. She glanced at his hand, at the missing fingers, at the wounds and the cuts and the marks that wold leave a scar. And she wondered, how many of those could she have prevented if she had of just been better.

It takes all of five seconds for it to sink in, to realise what she is doing. She holds it back, forcing that pain that had instantly gripped her heart, and in those five seconds she ceases her crying, and wipes away her tears with a scarred hand. Guilt stabs at her stomach and she has to tear her gaze away from Septys, that had been wrong of her, to act as she had done. She had no right to say such things, to cry in front of him, to make him angry or feel guilty. Even if that hadn't been her intention, had their positions been reversed she'd have felt that way. 

Her own short comings shouldn't make him feel what she suffered. Swallowing her pain and her sorrow she turned to face him once more, a smile replaced her crying, her eyes flickering shut for a moment.

It's the missing fingers that get her, and she can feel the tingle in her wrist, how Xanthus had cut so deep it had hung by a thread. She could feel the deep ache in her thigh, where her leg had once been. "I won't lie, it's a great way to lose weight." She taps her leg, going along with the joke.

Her eyes soften as she watched him tense, as the doctor grabs him and gets to fixing him, "I'm here for you, okay. in the end whether you like it or not, I'm not going to let you get through this alone."

The time slips by you as a victor. For a month, maybe two you're locked away in the Capitol, waiting for twenty-three children to die. Then you were back home, teaching children to fight when you wren't sure you could do it yourself. It was a tiring cycle and as much as she had wished to put the games behind her after being crowned victor, she never would be able to. Maybe, just maybe when Septys got home and then she found herself with two, or three more victors she could finally let go and let them struggle through it. 

She couldn't and would never let Septys do what she had been doing alone. The burden was entirely on her shoulders, her failures her own. peridot and Topaz were practically non-existant, shoving the reigns to her as soon as they could.

The joke, on any other day would have been in poor taste, but she had learned to accept the jokes about her missing limbs, more so when she threw herself under the bus as well. "I suppose a full set gets you around faster." She grinned, her eyes moving to the hand that shifted over the fabric, seeking her own. Reaching forwards she grabbed it, hoping that the warm touch alone could be comfort of some sort to him.

"It gets easier as time goes by for some people, harder for others. It just depends on how you deal with it." Sometimes it was a terrifying ride of pain, and anguish before you found your peace. "If they respect you it's easy. Otherwise, it's like talking to a bunch of bricks."

There was something comforting about him simply saying that. For someone who didn't even know about the world he had just been thrown into he was already making promises. It made her want to laugh, to cry, to hug him and tell him that she was so glad he was here, alive. But she didn't, instead she gripped his hand tighter, squeezing it gently, hoping not to hurt him.

Eyeing him she snorted, "who you used to be? Honestly, you're you. This is who you are, and I feel honoured to have met you now." Someone had once told her that the Games were development, who you are at the end of them is who you are after you've been through the worst in life. It's a harsh, cruel way to show you, but it was true. 

Septy's leaned forward, and she hesitated, for a moment, her brain scattering, trying to remember who had sent that over. "Copperview. What did it mean? If you don't mind my asking."

She would of liked to have told him that it didn't care what they thought. In the end the person that had to deal with everything you had gone through was only himself. She had expected her relationship with her siblings to be better, but it turns out they had actually wanted her to die in that arena, end her disgraceful bloodline before it could taint her family. But, from what she was hearing she knew that Septys' family was entirely different, they seemed like people who cared about him and would still love him for who he was. "If they're like who you say they are, then they'll love you no matter what." She responded. "If they don't, well now you have all the time in the world to make it better." Because you're alive.

He can't entirely understand why Septys is so frantic about the fact that Dom Copperview sent him the medkit. If it was up to her she'd go and tell President Snow right now, just to see Dom die. Because if what Septys was saying was true, then it was just as likely that Dom Copperview allowed her husband to die, and Leon Kirgel to win. Make the games entertaining, she could picture Dom, knowing that the tragedy of Potato's death would have a longer lasting affect then his victory.

"Why do you care?" The question came out sharper then she had intended, and she bit her lip, holding back her emotions. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me." Clearing her throat she swallowed, gripping his hand, as tightly as he held onto hers. "But why?"

She had been watching, and she already regretted her words. She'd seen Septys lying on the ground broken and bleeding, and on that little monitor she had honestly believed it was going to be his final moments. That nstead of Tyler dying there would be that second cannon firing. Before she knew it, he was in the finale and now he's here, alive, the newest victor of the district.

Dom Copperview might be one of the biggest reasons as to why her husband was dead, but, after seeing that scene she could see how he had saved Septys. Regardless of that matter she despised the woman, but she could learn to hold her tongue. 

Suddenly he's leaning forwards, his arms wrapping tightly around her, his face pressed against her neck. He's warm, she realises, he's real and he's here. It's been seven years, seven long years of watching children die and now there was one of them before her. it didn't seem real and she was sure that even after being given his crown, returning on the train with him and heading off on the victory tour with him, it would still be hard to believe.

She managed a nod, before slipping further into her chair as his grip on her hand loosens. "It's going to be another battle in itself, the presentation and the victor party." She sighed, combing a hand through her hair, it wouldn't be long until he'd be dragged off to be changed, as would she. "But you're strong, you'll get through it."