Kill'em with Guidance //Cass

She was nervous. She felt more alive, and more prepared then she had in years, but her stomach tightened and her heart clenched as she made her way through the training centre. Opal Earnest was an expert fighter, she hadn't been when she had won her games, but she had had the past eight years to figure it out. And now that she knew she was capable of fighting, of instructing and guiding her mind fumbled over each sentence. It was difficult, she decided, as she slipped into the dining hall, to mentor when you wanted to. It had been easy to ignore them, a stomach ache of headache to try her best to wipe the images of their bloodied corpses from her mind. She'd been right, of course, when she had spoken to Katelyn last year about mentoring. In her experience it wasn't pleasant and smooth sailing, her damned best had resulted in death, and now it twisted her heart to think that no matter how much she tried and pushed herself on this side of the arena, it still wouldn't mean they'd come home.

But Katelyn was right as well, Opal had become too scared, to fearful of loss to realise that each child deserved her aid, perhaps one of those kids could have been a victor if she had of just shown them her best, helped them even a little. It was why she felt lighter and brighter this year, though, even though she stumbled through greetings, resisting the urge to finish at Scout's barbed tongue, she already felt better. It hadn't stopped her heart from stumbling as she had greeted Quadrys Lexig, she'd averted her gaze at first, hoping that the young tribute wouldn't know that she had abandoned his brother up until those final two days. It wouldn't be the same, she would be here for Quadrys.

No matter what food she decided on, a small pile of strawberries always found itself onto her plate, even though they were her favourite fruit they were also her one way of continuously reminding herself of that first day she'd met her husband. A touch of a smile flickered onto her lips as she tossed some bread and vegetables onto the plate as well, before moving to sit at a table. It had been quite some time since she had last seen Katelyn and she couldn't stop her smile from broadening as her excitement fluttered through her stomach. She adored the District Eleven victor and was thankful everyday that they had met and had become friends.

"Katelyn!" She exclaimed, shifting her gaze upwards from the plate, towards the District Eleven victor. She looked well, but Opal wondered how she was fairing, knowing fully well that Kirito's brother had been called. Her gaze softened, as Katelyn looked away, it had been an incredible -no impossible act to pull off three victors in a row, and it seemed that with her current state of tributes that she desperately wanted that fourth. Even if it hadn't been Kirito's brother Opal knew that Katelyn would want that fourth, fifth, sixth crown, it was just how she was.

"How are yo-" The question died on her lips as Katelyn's posture changed, she grabbed an envelope from her bag, before sliding it across the table. Glancing upwards she gave Katelyn a quizzical look, before her eyes widened with shock as realisation struck. Her lips parted slightly, as she fumbled for words.

"Oh." The simple response was hardly audible.

For a moment all she could do was simply stare, fists clenched by her plate, as her gaze was encompassed by that white envelope. She wasn't sure how long she simply stared, heart fighting with her mind, wanting to grab it, wanting to look, wanting to see, but unable to force herself to do so. Her gaze quickly shifted to Katelyn, before once more dancing back towards that white envelope, and slowly she reached forwards. The envelope was heavy in her fingers, as though his entire life, everything had been packed into it. It wasn't easy to get her fingers to open it, it wasn't easy to do more then move through the motions, her heart hammering in her chest. But before she knew it the photos were in front of her face and she was staring at Potato's grave.

"I-" She stumbled over her words, fingers holding onto that photo like it was her life line. Her heart faltered, as she stared at those pictures, his grave. His name caved into the stone. Ah. So he really was dead. "He really is gone." She couldn't stop the shaking in her hands, or the hollow ache that swallowed her completely, those familiar, painful claws that clung to her heart. She couldn't, for the love of Ripred stop that stupid prickle at the back of her eyes, she thought she was done. She thought, after all these years she had cried out everything in her heart for him, but there was always more, always for him, because that love had been endless. "I-" She croaked, "I don't know what to say." Coughing she cleared her throat, tearing her gaze from the photos. "Thank you, Kate, thank you so much."

It took her a few more silent moments before she was able to tuck the photos safely back into the envelope. It was a sombre image of home, but it was one she would cherish, one she would have there when the time came that she could keep herself together and tell Ky everything. In all honesty today she did not want to brood on Potato, and have her heart and mind sink into that darkness that had swallowed her four four years. Today she was here with Katelyn, with her friend, and as much as Opal wanted to protect her own tributes, to be better and do better she couldn't begin to fathom what was going through Katelyn's mind. There were graves to be dug, and no matter how you spun it District Eleven was going to suffer.

Her heart tightened, and she leaned forwards, even in this short amount of time she had come to understand that the hardest part about being a mentor was the other victors. They were here and they were alive and they struggled every day, and when it came down to it all of them wanted their tributes to come home alive, to be able to wrap their arms around their family members. They wanted these kids to live, and in a battle with children like Quadrys, with dead siblings, like Amerika and Iain it was hard to not want them to be victorious. But then, to stare at the other kid, Scout, Carrita, or any other tribute and think that their life is any less valuable, how could you do that? How would Carrita feel knowing that her district partner was the cousin of a victor, knowing that in Kirito's eyes, in her mentors eyes, he didn't want her coming out alive.

If that wasn't hard enough there was the grave Katelyn had unknowingly dug for herself. An unintentional target strapped to her tributes backs as she brought Kirito and Harbinger back. Was their a limit to the value of a life? A title that stated you no longer deserved to return home simply because Harbinger won? Oh and how must Harbinger feel, knowing now that his victory had probably sentenced years upon years of kids to an early grave with no hope. History repeats itself in the cruelest of ways. "I do," she replied with a nod of her head. Thoughts lingering for a moment on Quadrys and Scout. "And how are you?" She asked, reaching a hand forwards to grasp one of Katelyn's. She knew all too well what it was like to break, she knew probably better then anyone even a fraction of the turmoil Kirito was struggling through. After all she had sentenced her own tributes to death in order to save Potato, she had fought for Argo with eyes blinded for him, forgetting that Francesca Levroux existed.

And even though she didn't know what it meant to condemn by saving, she knew what suffering was. Even if she couldn't understand how Katelyn felt right in this moment, she would be able to understand when Katelyn's best wasn't enough. When trying her damnedest would be suffice. Opal just hoped that for Katelyn's sake that her best would be enough, because she couldn't bear the thought of Katelyn having to suffer the way she had. "I'm here, and I know, okay. I know." I know how to get through it. She wished she knew how to tell her it was okay, even though it wasn't. She didn't have a way with words, not like Katelyn. 

If there was one thing Opal could teach it was how to suffer, it was how to get through that. But that wasn't something you could teach someone. It was one of those things you went through, people could aide you and try and guide you through it all, but in the end the only person that can drag your ass out of it is you. Sometimes it took everything from you left and left you as a shell of that person you had once been. Then on those rare occasions you become stronger then the girl that had suffered, Opal liked to think she was stronger, but she wasn't an anomaly, so in the end she was just one of those people that had struggled until there had been nothing to struggle for. Until she'd clawed her way to the surface and could finally take that first desperate breathe.

It hurt her heart to see Katelyn like this. She squeezed her hand, unwilling to let go of her friend. Katelyn Persimmon was one of the most incredible people Opal had ever had the privilege of meeting. One of the few people in this world she would fight tooth and nail to protect, because she was the kind of person you wanted to look out for. 

"It's okay, you know?" She gave Katelyn a sad smile, "I know what you're going through, different in some ways, but then no one persons suffering is ever the same, right?" She gave a weak laugh, racing her free hand through her hair. She didn't know how to say it in as many words, to tell Katelyn that she wasn't breakable. That this was what she knew, that this here, this pain and worry and panic was everything she'd gone through. Perhaps she wasn't the best example of getting through, but it was from those past experiences she could try her best to make sure Katelyn wasn't alone.

At the same time she was unwilling to push the younger victor, part of her hoping that this cracking facade would hold until it could be repaired. "I just-I'm here for you."