'Til you press restart (Hettinis Day 2)

h e n r i e t t a .

Pain taps at my body like an irritable sound, a sound hard to wave away with just one swipe. It needs to be properly escorted from me with professional hands. Fortunately I picked my alliance correctly due to their origins. A District Six to wave his medical magic onto me, a District Eight to sew together a frock whenever I need it and well I don’t know what District Eleven does but Iain has been a very useful meat shield. After today’s fight, he has become a meat shield and a meat sword, just as good as being a type of defence as well as an attack.

Insanis insisted we leave the two children to patch each other up so that we could spend some alone time together to heal ourselves. I do like his consideration for the two youngsters, they do seem like a perfect couple, it is sad that they both will have to eventually die but the best we can do is let them have a few hours alone together. And well I have grown bored of babysitting the kids and want some adult time with my District Six companion. Yes we may well be healing each other but this will be my chance to chisel out information from his head.

Allowing Insanis to escort me to wherever we’re going, I can feel the mixture of substances that swarm my body…blood…sweat…and dirt not exactly the greatest ingredients for success. If the temperature in this area was lower, these wounds would be more bearable however the heat is attacking the gaping holes in my torso. The mosquitos that have been shadowing us since stepping into this arena swarm around me and Insanis hoping to get a pick of the blood that is on the menu from me. The quicker I get these wounds sorted, the longer I will have to relax and hopefully spend time with Insanis.

Since we’ve spent time in the arena…all of two days…he has been treating me as some sort of royalty, which I do not understand. Yes I may well have allocated myself as a leader of the alliance but I am not all for hierarchy. Taking orders from somebody is not in my criteria and well I’d rather not become authority that I hate to be under. I am someone who rules myself and takes orders from myself, I may have a few people in my shadows to rely on now and then but I don’t lead them entirely. I am not some sort of brave hero leader; I know for a fact that the District Eight boy that we fought thinks he is one…when he isn’t. He allowed one of his team members to die so he certainly is not a hero, he may be brave for hitting Cecilia but that just makes him reckless.

Gritting my teeth, I’d hold in the groans of pain that want to whale from my mouth. I can’t make myself look weak, not in front of Insanis. I need to withhold the pain that wants to escape from my mouth, very soon I will be relaxed…very soon the pain will subside and I can drown myself in the water that I need to quench my thirst. It is lucky how we found ourselves the pristine water supply, despite not touching it yet, its appearance tells me that it is safe. I just want to dive into it, allow the water to soothe my wounds.

The salted ocean in District Four calls my name, how I would pay to be floating amongst the waves right now. Completely naked from these ridiculous shoes and dress that is sticking to my wounds. Despite it being a better alternative to the tat that the stylists made us wear, it is now a nuisance with these wounds. Never have I prayed for coldness before, I just want to be rolling around in iced cold water. It would do my muscles justice,that are beginning to ache with pain, especially due to the wicked injury that the gamemakers had sparked on my shoulder from the lightening. How I would pay to be floating in the ocean…with Insanis by my side.

It is expected of me to inflict pain onto others, not take it straight to the back. I can see my family now, shaking their heads. This isn’t how I wanted Jamie to see me, he needs to see me as a killer not somebody who is on the receiving end of death. Yes the Capitol may have tagged me as the fiery hot crimson girl but that doesn’t mean I should be coated in crimson red. Since stepping into the arena, I have barely tasted blood…instead of my own. It really is becoming embarrassing…I need to step up my game. With the ridiculous performance yesterday where I was unable to hit anything, to today, my defence was completely off. Tomorrow is the day that I reprise myself…otherwise I will become a mockery…I need to show the gamemakers that I am more than the six that they scored me.

"Let's stop here." Exhaling out air, I’d be relieved that we’re finally stopping. Slipping onto the ground, I’d sit upright, my legs spread out in front of me. Looking down at my chest, I’d get a chance to observe my wounds properly. Bending my head down, I make sure that there isn’t a great hole in my torso that I believed to exist earlier.

"This is gonna hurt." Biting my bottom lip as I look up at Insanis, I’d ready myself for whatever pain is to follow the immense amount that I am already enduring.

”It’s ok, I don’t feel pain.” My words are filled with lies. I am just as human as Insanis and everyone else in this arena. I am just as human as Iain who is filled with emotions…I am just better at hiding them.

h e n r i e t t a .

Being at the mercy of a killer is a no go zone, for starters...they’re a killer. They may be giving forgiveness and compassion at that moment but that doesn’t mean they won’t snap that deal in the future. We are all humans after all, it is in our instinct to survive, and it has been programmed in our brains since the day we sprung up in this world. If it wasn’t there, we would not be alive right now…we would not have survived as long as we have and the world would not be as fucked up as it is right now. Maybe the instinct to survive is a bad thing, maybe we need to pick out some humans to help balance the population, that’s why the games are so relevant to the world.

If it wasn’t for these games, the Districts would overflow with useless bodies…alive and dead. Disease would be rife and resources would be non-existent. Yes we could have implemented birth control but who can resist such pleasures? There would be nothing else to do in a poor world and well once the lights go out... Many say the games are a malicious thing but I see them as a solution. I was fortunate enough to be born somewhere that helps us survive the games but if I was born somewhere else, I’d at least try to learn skills. I am sure I would have had the same mind-set…

Survival doesn’t just mean killing people and I know that but the other categories of survival…are pretty dull compared to having a life in my hands. Food, shelter, medical…water, essential things we all need yet so boring. Food we eat every day, which for me is brought on a plate in front of me along with water. Shelter has been over my head since the day I stepped out of the womb. Medical supplies have always been in my reach and death…death has been something that I have needed to find myself.

Twelve boys all followed each other across the cliffs in Four, from the guidance of me. It all started with Ewan Block, such a strong boy but easy to break…he really does remind me a lot of Insanis. As soon as I met Insanis in the training centre, all I knew was his name and his family’s past with the games. I had heard many tales about his relatives in the arenas and had witnessed many repeats of past games on the screen. That is what lured me too him, if he shared blood with people like a pyromaniac, he must surely be an exciting boy. Since we both stepped into this arena, he is yet to disappoint me, his blows have been so ruthless…he is a great big muscle.

However I can see him being easily breakable. He has been treating me like a mistresses, like someone superior to him, which I can’t complain about but…I want a man who works alongside me, who treats me the same as I treat them…a partner, not a slave. All those twelve boys were slaves and well Insanis is walking his way into the criteria of number thirteen.

"It's okay, you can hold my hand if you want as tight as you want." Shaking my head, I’d refuse his proposition, watching him drip the water onto my wound. Biting my bottom lip, I’d hold in the squeals that try to escape my lips as the stinging sensation from the liquid circulates around my body. I have never endured this much pain before and I hoped not too…not this early in the games…not at all.

"Of all places you thought you'd be, this is probably the last place," A chuckle follow Insanis’ words, somewhat keeping my mind off the pain that is marching across my body. "being saved by me." Saved? He is getting it wrong, he is just helping me with a blimp…I am the one who is saving him. As soon as we agreed to ally, his survival rate rocketed…really he should be thanking me.

”Yeah I didn’t think I’d be sat in a swamp, to be honest.” The only way I can reply is through a comical route. I not about all this deep stuff, I am not emotional…nor am I truly romantic. I just enjoy the pleasures that come with a relationship.

"Why did you come to me?" All these questions, is he really trying to dig out the deep personal stuff from me? Does he not realise that I am an emotionless career? Did he not listen to the words in the training centre, that I am a Sadistic, killing machine, with no heart? From the words of Cecilia and Iain, they caught the jiff, they know who I am…Is Insanis blind to my true self? Or does he see something that nobody else does?

”You looked…professional over that dummy…the one with the wound. You weren’t scared like everyone else at the blood. You seemed,much stronger than anyone else and well my cunning did me well. When you broke that District Two boy’s leg, I knew I chose wisely…” Truth swirls around in my words although some truths are withheld. If he found out the other reason why, he may well leave me in this swamp to die. ”Why did you accept my proposal to be allies?” Giving Insanis his own piece of material, I’d begin to dig deeper into the insane mind of his.