~Phoenix Jinx~ District Four /Finished/

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[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I am not like the large outgoing, sometimes oafish, twin of mine. I am quite, clinical, almost to the point where I am cold and unapproachable, I don’t care. I have those with whom I am close with and I don’t need anyone else, why do I need them anyways? They don’t know me like my brothers and sisters, they don’t know how much I have grown and how much I struggle just to ensure that everything goes right. They see me and see my family name, not the person hiding behind the projection screen. They need to anyways, let them pass their judgements and keep their eyes ignorantly blind. I know I have the people that care about me. Friends aren’t really friends anyways until they see you fall, and I don’t show that to anyone.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I’m laying outside in the sun on the roof, no one tries to get up there other than Curse and Charm anyways so I know that I’ll be alone. My already tall body is elongated across the dark scaffolding of the roof, the heat of the summer sun seeping through my rigid, taunt muscles, relaxing then and soothing out the Career workouts. The summers have always been kind to me, not just physically but emotionally as well. The heat allows me to remain my distance, allows me to keep my distance as I slowly learn to trust again. It hard when people are always taken from you no matter the situation, all in the name of glory. An ideal that has long been dead ever since the usurpers stole for themselves. Ideals means nothing to me, that’s all they are anyways, an idea. Those mean nothing until they get put into something physical, tangible, something read, or feel, or hold. These are the only things that matter to me.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I get up slowly from my position, my abs slowly crunching against themselves, as I make the appearance of fixing my dirty blond hair, even though I have qualms about it to begin with. Apparently I am told that I am good looking and that I could get anyone that I want, but I want to know why people think that it matters. They swoon over my muscles and talk about how “an attractive young man I am”. Well when you start working out at 13 and don’t stop for 5 years your muscles will grow and my entire family got lucky in the genetics department so I don’t see as that big of a deal. Though I will admit that I did get lucky with my full hair, I won’t go bald early.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I stare out into the backyard, watching as my other siblings play in the summer sun. Curse is missing though, he and I grew up almost inseparable. Not just because we were twins but because we actually got along, he gave me the patience I needed, and I kept him grounded, we are two peas in a pod, or used to be. He ran off though, no one sure why, hell I’m not even sure if he knows why. But it left a hole in us, one I’m not sure that we can grow back, even he does come back. It’s been years now, we’ve kept in touch throughout those years, but it isn’t the same.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I have always enjoyed my perch; it’s allows me to keep watch over my charges. It isn’t that I don’t trust them to take care of themselves, but it’s part of growing up as the eldest. Even though Curse and I are twins, I am the eldest by a solid 14 minutes, it’s because he’s so big, I was able to slip right out. But I take it upon myself to be a sort of protector towards my siblings, I try to ensure that they do not get themselves into too much trouble that they can’t handle themselves. I usually don’t have to worry too much but I especially don’t have to worry about Charm, she finds some way to get herself out of any situation, if she gets herself into trouble at all. She and I are especially close as well.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I lie back down the roof, the sun reflecting off my strong jaw and rugged cheek bones as they contort themselves into a contemplative look. People always tell me that I always look angry, or displeased with the world, and that’s because I am. The way the Games are heralded as a paragon of our country’s greatness, the way that the Capitol almost brainwashes its Districts and then tries to create an aura that nothing is wrong. I don’t want to life here anymore. There has to be more people outside of Panem we can’t be the only ones left. I refuse to believe the bullshit that they teach in school. As much as I want to leave I wouldn’t know where to go, which direction is which or what will happen once I reach land. There is still so much that I don’t know but I have to learn it somehow.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]But for now I’ll enjoy the company of my family, the sunlight dancing though our blond locks as we enjoy the last hours of the summer days. I climb down from the roof, my legs and arms flex in angry bugles as the carry me down the side of the house. I pass the window to my father’s study and give him a shit eating grin as he glares at me in disapproval. My parents have trained us to be the idealist Career children that any District can have, well trained in fighting and survival tactics, highly skilled in etiquette and speech, and well versed in many classical books and writings, though we generally say fuck that and do our own thing, much to our parent’s dismay. At least we know how to act and look pretty.

[attr="class","jorggradient1"]I go to our pile of old sea drift wood and grab enough to start a small fire in the back. I stop to think how much Curse would have enjoyed this; lounging by the fireside and downing whatever we could get from our parent’s cellar was one of his favorite things to do. I miss the big guy, but he seems to be happy so I just try to be supportive as I can be. I stride back to the fire pit and start building it up as everyone gathers around to send the day away into the night. While we’re lounging and dancing into the night I am reminded of all of the good times that we’ve had together and hope that they only continue.