Unwanted Apologies [Rade]

The district eleven halls are vacant. Iona and Weaver have gone downstairs for the last day of training, and I don't know where Kate and Kirito have ran off to. But it's best for me. I've wanted some alone time since the reaping. Last year I was here with two young tributes. One of which was related to Kirito, and now this year I'm here with my own brother. It's a shame if you ask me because President Snow is trying to play us like fools. Rigging the reaping to hurt my own family? What a pathetic idiot. But somehow he managed to succeed.

"Harbinger..." His voice. Finter. Rings through my mind, and I can't stop myself. He has no right to talk to me, yet here he is standing around like nothing matters. Like it was all just a mistake. Apparently he doesn't learn. "Finter, are you trying to ruin my family?" I ask angrily before pushing myself into a standing position allowing myself to turn around and face the district eleven escort.

"I didn't know..."

"How could you not know, Finter? You are the one who pulls the name. You chose him. You sentenced my brother to death just like you sentenced Iain, Carrita, Annora and all the other district eleven tributes." Blood boils inside me, and I can feel my hands clenching tightly into fists. "Every single year you stand on the stage calling the names. You had to have known the reaping was rigged."

"Honestly, Harbinger I didn't...."

"Stop acting like a fool!" I want nothing more to do with him, but I know he's genuinely sorry because it's the type of guy he is. It's not his fault the Capitol corrupt him. "You could've told me, Finter. You could've told me the reaping was rigged instead of playing me like a fool." I watch as his head drops. He's trying to take it all in. I know it wasn't his fault, but he's just as guilty as Snow. "I didn't know, Harbinger."

It almost looks as though he's going to cry, but I don't care if he cries or not. I take a step towards him, and he takes a step back. And this goes on, and I'm still shouting at him incoherently until his back is against the wall, and I'm standing right in front of him. "It's your fault, Finter. Why don't you take his place? Maybe Panem would be best off with my brother as the escort and you fighting for your life inside the games."

His hands tremble at his side, and I can fill my temper rising. One finger pointed in his face as I continue to yell. Red spots dance before the front of my eyes. "I didn't know I was going to call his name. I'm not allowed to look at the pieces of paper. I'm not allowed to show anyone the names inside. I don't even know who I'm picking until it's chosen." His lips tremble, yet the words still make sense. He's safe from any harm. He's a messenger. The person I really want is Snow, but I can't get to him because it's to dangerous. "Finter, do you realize that you just ruined my life? Maybe I should ruin yours. Make you realize what the games are like. Maybe then you'll understand. Let me take someone you love and care about and kill them. Maybe then you'll see the pain you are putting us victors through."

My jaw clenches shut tightly as I glare at Finter. His hands reach up to shield his face, and he's unsure of what to do with himself. I doubt anyone has called him out for his wrongdoings. Well it's time for him to learn. "Harbinger, I'm sorry."

"Don't even apologize to me, Finter. Don't try to make up for what you've done. Don't try to convince me because it's not going to work. You want to see me suffer just like Kirito. You want to see me turn into a sick monster. You don't care about me. You never have and enver will. So just give up."" My voice grows louder and louder as I speak.

"Harbinger, please..."

The corner of my lips twist into an evil grin. He wanted a monster, well he's about to get one, and he's not going to like it. "No time for apologies, Finter. I thought you were my friend. I trusted you. But you've lied to me. You've betrayed me. You've ruined it all, and now I want nothing to do with you."

My breathing picks up. Blood pools in my cheeks. Heat radiates from my body.

"I'm sorry, Harbinger. I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Finter. It never has, and it never will. You can apologize all you want, but it's not going to change anything." Weaver is going to die because of him, and I can't make him realize it. But it's not his fault. I try to tell myself over and over again.

Yes, it's his fault. It's all his fault, and he will pay.