archimedes anning | d3 fin *Trigger Warning*

Some people may think of numbers as a nuisance. It gives people more to think about, more to put on their plate than really needs to be.


Pi.

It's a definition of myself, and a reminder that even when we think our lives are over, that there's always something there that keeps us going.



Three Basic Facts About me:
-my full name is Archimedes Arthur Anning, but I prefer Arch.
-my direct family includes my mother and my father; I guess you could include my sister too.. but she's not here anymore.
-ever since I was young, my family encouraged me too be as literate and advanced in my learning as possible. This made is a bit harder to get friends..

One Thing that can Make me Smile:
-listening to my mother play the piano as it can never fail to make one feel good inside.

Four Things that Changed my View of Life:
-my parents teaching me to read and write at an early age had set the tone for my future as I continued to cherish the ability.
-my introverted-self made it hard to get friends. for awhile it was lonely, but I got used to it.
-once, I hugged my sister with such force. It was very quick, only seconds before my brother nudged me to move forward. I admit it, I cried. I saw her cry too, and then I sobbed. I never saw her again.
-when she died, Daddy said it was going to be okay. He hugged me with tears in his eyes, and we cried. Mother cried with us. No, Father. It's never okay.

One Thing I Wish I Could do Better:
-life. It's never been my forte. Wake up, eat, go to school, learn, go home, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. There's no friend time, not for me.

Five Things that Made me Want to Kill Myself:
-"You're a waste of air," one boy had said, so he tried to choke me.
-"They say thin boys generate heat on their own," another told me, so he took my jacket from the school rack. I had to walk home in freezing weather that day.
-"We just, don't like you," a group of people agreed once during lunch. They had the only empty chair at lunch, so I sat along the windowsill to eat lunch alone.
-"You're the most annoying, idiotic mother fucker I've ever met," a notorious bully told me. After school, he punched me, and kicked me, and took all of my allowance for the month.
-"Kill yourself, smartass." Mom and Dad told me not to listen to them, but I tried to take their advice.

Nine Words or Phrases that the Kids at School would Call and Say to me:
-"Worthless piece of shit." The first time this happened.. I didn't even know what it meant. Too afraid to ask my father, I just allowed them to keep throwing the phrase upon me. Eventually, it was a normality, and I didn't care what it meant. Archimedes, you're a worthless piece of shit.
-"Pathetic." This word, I knew what it meant. Pointless, useless. I failed to develop relationships with the people around me. Why would they want me around, if I'm just a lifeless teenage boy. Pathetic, that's what you are.
-"Loser." They're right when they say that about me. Winning was never something I could do. If it was a school-spelling bee, I'd choke up on my words. If it was the silly sports we'd be forced to play after school, I'd always be picked last or never at all.
-"Skin & Bones." That is what I am. A red-head boy with faded green eyes. Not to mention I'm a smaller build. Even though athletics isn't prioritized in District Three, most boys around my age are much stronger.
-"Runner." I tried to run when the notorious bully beat down on me. He hurt me, inside and out, so I ran. I wanted to run home, where I could be allowed to forget. Mother and Father would let me forget. No matter how hard I tried, however, he caught up to me, and the beating would only hurt even more.
-"The Ghost." They said that to refer to my skin-tone. It's fairly pale, but my whole family is, so I thought it was normal. No.. not for the schoolmates of mine. They'd poke fun at it because it wasn't attractive. And it was a double-standard, the name. It also reminded me that I was as good alive as dead.
-"Disgrace." I'd always try to make my family proud by succeeding in my academic studies, but being called a disgrace was always a major setback. They told me that Hypatia was a disgrace and I am too, so I did nothing but embarrass my family. I tried to fight back in the defense of Hypatia, but it was only shot down. Even when she left us, they still dragged her name through the mud. For me, though, I guess it was true. I was doing my family no good by living, by breathing.
-They'd continue to call me names and mock my sexuality. There was no denying it, I was attracted to men and still am. But it hurt the most when one of the kids who I thought was a nice one, the kind who'd make me feel better, called me one of the most hurtful names in the book. And it hurt, alright, it hurts the most when it comes from the person you've had a crush on for years.
-"The No-Life Boy." I had no true friends that I could share my problems with, none that I had once considered friends would acknowledge it. They wouldn't listen, they'd tell me I was just trying to get attention if I told them I wanted to kill myself. They should listen.. they should be able to listen if they truly cared about me. Eventually, when none were left, I spoke to no one about my problems.

Slowly, I let those problems build up. And the stack got higher, and I sobbed more. Soon, it would tower over me, and I took what little strength I had inside of me to keep it from falling. Like the digits of pi, the problems became endless. They ran through my mind, and eventually, one by one, they began to topple over me.. hitting me on the head.

Six Ways I Plan to Kill Myself:
-choking myself; it may seem difficult when your brain wants you to stop.. but my brain is fried. It doesn't care anymore.
-starve myself; food was never in a big abundance, anyway.
-get a death sentence; it couldn't be that hard, could it? The peacekeepers are strict around Three. It could be easy to get one to shoot me.
-slit my own throat; quick and to the point, but very cut-throat if you ask me. (like what I did there? when my family got me a therapist, he told me to be humorous, and it may help with my social capabilities.)
-volunteer for the Hunger Games; why not, right? It's a surefire way to die. Plus, it's saving another person that obviously has more of a life to live than I do.
-bang my head against a wall; it may seem silly, but it could make for good entertainment. Hard slams against a wall would definitely make a man go crazy, yeah? I'd love to screw up the only thing I can hold near and dear to my heart because after that, what more will I have to live for?

The list, to be completely honest, is just like pi. It can never end. I'm sure it won't, not until my own life ends.