my faith in you [one-shot]

She hadn’t wanted to see it. As soon as she’d heard it she’d snorted, at first believing that it had to have been some kind of sick joke. How was she supposed to believe that Katelyn would do that to herself? Just imagining the woman, whom she trusted more then anyone, agreeing to such an outrageous show left her clueless. It had taken a stupid amount of time for her to get beyond her initial judgement and own cloud of emotions, that had blocked her from normal reasoning, before realisation struck. Only then was it obvious to see and understand why someone like Katelyn would put herself through such a thing. It wasn’t her choice, of course it wasn’t. Katelyn would never voluntarily put herself through that.

As the seventy-third Hunger Games continued she tried her best to ignore the Capitol’s new hottest show. She stayed out of her room at night when she knew it was airing, and avoided the streets and hotspots the rumoured couples would be heading to. It was like a plague in her mind, gnawing away at her as she continued to watch Justice struggle for his life. Part of her felt bad, her heart was not where it should be. Watching and aiding Justice with everything she had was supposed to be her number one priority. Instead, she found herself thinking constantly about the awful things that were being said to Katelyn by some greasy Capitolite, instead of worrying about if Justice was being skewered in his sleep, she thought about how they’d surely be touching Katelyn, how she’d have to listen to them talk. Those awful contestants -contestants, she wasn’t a prize to be won- had no right.

She hated how much it annoyed her. She hated how much it was distracting her, how she cared more about this silly show then Justice. Ripred was she an awful person.

But tonight as she slumped down onto the couch, having just tucked Ky into bed she hit the switch. The television came to life, and she shoved aside her worries about Justice, hoping that he’d make it through the night. Flicking through the channels she paused, gnawing on her lip as the foreign, yet eerily familiar images of the Bachelorette danced across the screen. Hesitating, she huffed, pulling the pillow up beneath her chin. She shouldn’t, she’d tried so hard not to watch it. Why shouldn’t she? She knew what was happening, she knew why it was. But wasn’t it just torturing herself? Because honestly, she didn’t want to see Katelyn dressed up in extravagant gowns being led into restaurants by slickly dressed men that left a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn’t want to see Katelyn have to choose them because she was forced to, to have to kiss and hug and touch people. Katelyn deserved better than that, she deserved to fall in love with someone who loved her for everything she was, not because it was an opportunity, but because they could take her for the good the bad. Someone that knew and understood everything she’d suffered. And a Capitolite, no matter how much they said, could never and would never understand. They couldn’t understand what it was like to live in the districts, let alone face the reaping year after year. To live one day of your life every year for eight years wondering, with that fear coiled so tightly in your stomach you wanted to puke, if this year you were going to die.

With a lingering sigh she dropped the pillow, knowing that no matter what she told herself, she was going to watch the show. She couldn’t help herself where Katelyn was concerned. So she watched, sympathy rising in her chest as Harbinger and Katelyn went on a date, only to have it simmer away as the next boy came along. He was no gentleman. She didn’t like him; she didn’t like the way he took command straight away deciding what would happen. She didn’t like the way he almost seemed to deny himself the treat that was Katelyn’s cooking. She found herself scowling through that entire encounter. She couldn’t imagine the episode getting any worse.

It did.

She audibly groaned when Glamour Kinkade appeared on the screen. The man brought with him a storm of awfulness, from thoughts of Leon, to the games to Potato to his general unappealing appearance. Her sudden displeasure was dispelled in one startling moment as Katelyn made her entrance, wearing a stunning outfit that made Opal perk up. She was beautiful, the dress working into her slim figure and highlighting her golden hair. It brought back vicious memories of watching Locust prowl onto a stage, poised and dangerous, but enticingly seductive. It made her heart race as the younger victor made her entrance, race as it had when she'd watched Locust, when she'd glimpsed Elya and eyed Potato in his tux on their wedding day. She wrestled with her pillow, toppling onto her side, softened expression sharply changing to a glare as Glamour spoke. He was one of those people that shouldn't be seen and shouldn't be heard. She hated this, she hated watching Glamour stroll over to Katelyn and place is filthy blood-stained hand on her back.

She hated the way Katelyn was suddenly looking at girls, that Katelyn was surrounded by these people begging for her attention –that she was not there with her. She was upset that Katelyn was having to go through this because she was a victor, because she was strong and resilient and brave. Had not enough of the victors been swallowed by their fair share of pain that one of them might slip through the cracks?

They all had to be the broken puppets of the Capitol.

When she couldn't bare it any more she turned the television off and buried herself amongst the pillows, hoping that her dreams would ease her tight chest.