forever in the dark {grim | JB blitz}

    I feel his presence nearing mine, and with ever step I become more afraid to look.The way he tries to comfort me seems to bring him so much discomfort, though I had only just now realized what I was doing. I was taking comfort from someone who had none to give. Rolf was the one being shipped off to the Capitol to die, and here I was sobbing into these tattered floor boards. I push myself up onto my knees feeling closer to Rolf then I have at any point in our relationship. "I couldn't let you go the way Chaske did...You deserve better Rolf." I say placing my hand on the side of his face. 

    I attempt to wipe more tears from my now reddened face and decide that it was my job to be strong for him in this very moment. And in the arena, he would have to be strong for me. "Look Rolf, this isn't impossible. You are a good kid, and an even better brother, but I'm letting you know right now that you are going to have to sacrifice, and you are going to have to be okay with that. I won't be able to go on without you." I feel my bottom lip quiver but I succeed in holding back the tears this time. I then brush some of his charcoal strands of hair away from his face, and I muster up the best smile I can considering the circumstances. 

    So much was going to change, there would no longer be smiles in the Parks home. We would fall back to square one and there was nothing I could do to stop it. When Chaske died it sent our family into turmoil, and then with the death of our parents it only worsened. Rolf was what made us kind of normal again, but if he were to die I am not strong enough to try and mend our family once more. I would simply run, just as I always have. Running was what I was best at, not mending the hearts of the broken.

  Rolf speaks words to me, but they feel so empty so full of helium, as if they were going to float away within seconds. He was breaking right here before my very eyes and I didn't know what to do, I cant fix him because I cant fix myself. What use was I to him? What use was I to anyone? I drop my gaze back to the floor, he had already given up hope, and in a way I think I have too. I wanted to believe he would come back home to me, but I knew this world wasn't kind enough to let a soul as pure as his survive. I see the blank expression he hold. I knew my brother well enough to know that these emotions where not what he was feeling inside. I pull his head into the crease of my neck and I hold him tight. "You don't always have to be so strong Rolf...I can carry your burden with you. You are not alone, and don't you ever think so". I say, my tears completely dry and my face slowly becoming more calm. The Capitol has stolen two of my brothers away from me, someone please end my misery.
    

     I could finally feel my brother, I could feel the boy I've known my whole life. I just hold him close to me, because I don't know if I will ever be able to again after these few moments. I hold him because I knew that his end meant my end, and I held him because I made a promise to hold half of his burden for him, and I intend to do so. 

    "If I break right now, the entire world will watch, and they will see me as weak." he says, his voice cracking into the collar of my shirt. I run my fingers through the hairs on the back of his head and for as long as I can I don't let go. "And I am not weak, but if you can carry half the weight of the world pressing against my shoulders, I will allow it." he says. I pull his head away from my shoulder, holding his head between my two hands. I use my thumb to dry his cheeks and I look into his somber eyes. 

    "We are one and the same brother, you are my other half. I will hold your hand through ever second. Stay strong for the cameras brother stay strong for me, but most of all stay strong for yourself." I say, my lips beginning to quiver once more. I bring my lips to his forehead trying to stabilize them, and also trying to express how much love I feel for the boy sitting next to me, but I knew that, that single kiss was nothing compared to the pain my heart feels at this very moment. I was dying inside, drowning on the blood of my siblings. I wish I had the strength to fight. To carry him out of this window and escape, but I was weak, I was nothing.