you own no one but you [Kate/Desi]

    The silence is finally broken by the hum of her voice. “I usually get up this early to make breakfast. Could always order something up to the room or go eat in the common area, but I prefer the things I make myself.” she says. I glance over at her quickly to try and get a set of reins around what was fumbling through her head, but I had the littlest idea. I watch out of the side of my eye as she finished preparing her plate, my hands still pulling out various bags of indigence that I hand't the slightest clue to do with. My ear is filled with the sound of ceramic gliding across tile as she ushers the plate to me. I begin to place my hand out to deny the offer, but it had been the first time Id seen a cooked meal like this, created by someone who genuinely cared for me. I nod my head in thanks and sit in a near by stool as she continues to speak.

    "Eat. You need to keep your strength up. It’s fine. I’ll just make another batch.” she says. I lift the fork into the air, but I m not quiet ready to indulge, I still needed to discover what pains her so. “I usually make food for the boys and the tributes after I’ve eaten anyway. Not that they always eat it.” she says once more. It was as if she had become lost within her own thought, so I remain silent. If she was going to chat herself into submission then I would just listen to every word. “High Maintenance. Heh.” she says. I cant help but chuckle at the comment. I of course understood that these victors have done things, and survived things that are unimaginable to me, but I knew nothing else but how to poke fun. 

    “I’m guessing you heard about the scene I caused last night then. With the boy from nine?” she says. I had heard vividly about this event, somehow they managed to catch a bit of it on camera. Though they were refusing to show the footage, didn't want to destroy the image of their precious district eleven prize I presume. I had heard word that she began screaming at the boy, telling him that "this wasn't living". What could she mean by that? “Mind you, it was just one peacekeeper that subdued me, not a whole squad. Don’t believe everything you hear.” she says. I had only wished it was a whole squad, the image of Katelyn Persimmon flailing in a heard of white made me giggle. She continue to rumble on about the stress and how fiery tempers can become at this time of year. Hah, tell me about it, I haven't been able to subdue my anger in four years. 

    “More strawberries?” she offers. It was odd, how familiar the red berry felt in my hand, though I had never actually tasted one. My family couldn't afford a luxury like that, and if we were caught eating them while harvesting, we would be punished. I reach out my hand and grab a few more, but neglect to bring them to my mouth just yet. "I haven't tasted one of these before." I chuckle. "The way the skin feels against mine is so familiar, but never once have I put it in my mouth." I look over to Katelyn. "I know what happened with Rolf, and I know that you did what needed to be done, I'm not here to pick you a part." For the first time since I have entered this foreign place I speak genuinely. I was speaking to her as if she was Lilith, I was in full blossom, and I only beg she doesn't harvest my fruit and destroy my image. 

    "But, why don't you tell me how a strawberry tastes, enlighten me." I say leaning back into my chair and giving out a warm smile. I was going to find out why she was hurting, but she had all of her defenses up, though I was a system that would not back down. She could be as stubborn as she wanted, but I had a drive that would conquer. I feel my smile fall after a few moments of silence and I begin to once again get lost in my hurricane of worry. I was going to have to kill innocent people, I was going to become someone else to survive this arena. Desi simply wasn't strong enough. I would never be strong enough. 

Table by the Brilliant Kousei

    The look of question pulls across Katelyn's face as i ask her to describe the taste of this red berry. I watch as she uses the regular terms I had heard used when people described the fruit. Sweet, but still a tad tart. It seemed like the same description for most of the berries I had encountered, though we somehow knew how to decipher them, how odd. "I doubt you want to spend the morning talking about fruit. Let’s talk about you. How are you holding up? she says.

I watch as her face becomes more focused on me, her eyes sort of placed in wonder, and it made me itch. I didn't want to lie to Katelyn, I didn't want to keep up the tough girl act, but I was in too deep to break down now. "I'm alright." I start, then my vision sort of falters, looking down to the lap. "Scared as hell, but alright." I finish. I decided it wasn't a completely false answer, but it also wasn't completely true. 

    I then take a large bite out of the red berry in my hand, I smile at her. "You are right, sweet, with just enough tart to not quiet qualify as sour." I say, a drop of red juice spilling form the crease of my mouth. I wipe it with the palm of my hand and attempt to close mouth smile at her with full cheeks, the mood was becoming too airy for my comfort. “Well, you’re the first tribute I’ve mentored that wasn’t ready to die, barely said more than two words to me or begged me to train and save their partner instead." she says. I cant seem to shake this statement, how vividly it cuts into my skin. She goes on to say how my presence is somehow refreshing, asks if I have any tactical questions, but I'm am hung up on the first statement she had made. I just stare blankly at my plate unable to respond. 

    “It’s alright not to be okay, you know. I can tell you’ve got the drive, you just need some direction.” she finished, and I raise my face to meet hers. I was tired of being so afraid and having to keep it locked away cause I'm not ready, and I never would be ready, but there was no other outcome. Katelyn seemed so kind, so genuine, and there were few of these people in the world, not even my parents fir this bill.

"Your right Katelyn, I'm not ready to die...but you see, that's the irony of it all. I don't have a choice. Once I enter that arena I wont come back out as Desimae Warble, and I know that. And I know that the second I enter that arena she is dead, I am dead. Whether or not I am the final body standing." I feel liquid fear begin to pour from my eyes, and for the first time since I have been here, I let another being see my pain. 

    "I'm more afraid then I can even express, I feel my skin crawl when I open my eyes ever morning, dreading how much closer it seems to be getting. I am trying to milk these last few days as much as I can, because at the end of this week, the system will have killed me, Katelyn, just like they have you." I drop my face into my hands. The feeling of warm moister now cupped in my palms. I begin to shake and sniffle. I didn't want her to see my weakness, but I could no longer play this out. I was done being someone who I wasn't. I had to be genuine with at least one person, and here I was sobbing to a women I had only just met a few days ago. Yet I felt like I was more open with her then even my own mother, well before her conversion. I cant bring myself to look back up at her, here I was crumbling and the defense system I had put up, had finally faltered. 

Table by the Brilliant Kousei

    I begin to feel the burn under my eyelid as the grime from my fingers seeps into my tear ducts. I can sense the redness that had invaded the whites of my eyes. I feel Katelyn's presence become closer, her arms wrap around my shoulders and I feel her warmth. I could feel the beat of her heart against my shoulder blade, and could feel the wisp of her breath against my neck. She seemed almost human. She takes a seat next to me, and keeps her hand pressed against my shoulder. “Hey. Hey, I know alright? I’ve been there. And I didn’t even have a mentor.” she says. I keep my palms over my eyes, my shuttering beginning to grind the skin on my elbows against the hard tile. 

    “Truth is, you’ll change. If you want to come home, you’ll kill. Even if you try to avoid it, coming home means killing at least once. I tried not to, it didn’t work out that way. I wound up killing thrice.” she says again. 

    She was one of the few here that I heard truth from, her words oscillating throughout my brain, but I understood every syllable. I was tired of the lies I had been hearing, the constant reminder that I was surrounded by those that only said what was wanted to be heard, and not what was needed. “Killing people changes you. If you find allies and watch them die, it’ll change you.” she continues. I feel her touch still against my shoulder, her warmth beginning to bring me out of this oblivion. 

    “But it doesn’t have to destroy you. If it did, I wouldn’t still be trying to get my tributes home, now would I?” When these words leave her mouth, I immediately stop shuttering. My tears stop, and my eyes spark open. 

    My faith had been ripped from my delicate fingers and spat back into my face. She was not who she said she was. She was just as phony as all of the rest of them, here to feed my lies until my imminent destruction. She was here just dripping the poison into my lips as I slumber unknowingly. She groans on, her lies beginning to elevate my head, until I hear her come to a finish. I spin my head toward her, my eyes filled with fury. "Don't lie to me Katelyn. Don't tell me that they didn't destroy you. All you are Katelyn Persimmon is a damn good actress, you have mastered this shield for your true emotions. You have crumbled beneath their power, and here you are spitting lies in my face. I saw you crying Katelyn, you may have these people fooled, but not me." I stand from my seat pushing her hand off of my shoulder. 

    I stare down at her in my fit of rage, she almost had me fooled. The Capitol had already sent in one of their mutts to try and deceive me, but she was nothing. She would not surpass my observance. I was too weak to withstand another fracture, I would have to protect no one but myself, from here on out.

    "You are nothing but the capitols tool." I say, my words spat in a viscous hate. 

Table by the Brilliant Kousei