falling apart {odysseus oneshot}

Just another reaping. Another year for two people from district two to make a complete fool of themselves. It has happened every single time. Mason got close. Orion got closer. Torka would've won had that man not volunteered in his place. In a way, it serves him right. Shouldn't volunteer if you're not going to deliver. But I imagine district two is different. Most of us train for the right to fight in the games. A chance to volunteer. A chance to prove that we are worthy of wearing the crown at the end of the games. It all changed for me though. Orion volunteered because he wanted to die, and I didn't even get to see him.

For the longest time, I swore the video the peacekeeper showed me was a fake. I didn't want to believe it. It wasn't worth it. I failed him as a brother, and now he's gone. But he's somewhere in another world with Mason, and all I can do is hope that they're both happy and proud.

But this reaping was different.

Never in a million years would I have thought my best friend in the entire world would stand on the stage next to the escort. I promised to save him. I promised to keep him safe from the terrible ways of the games because he doesn't want to train. And I failed him too. But before anything could go too far, I watched as Torka ran onto the stage taking his place. It's in his blood. It's what he knows, and while I'm glad Derek is safe, I'm shattered that Torka has gone away.

He said he hated me, and that it's best for me not to be in his life. He said to never look at him again, but I couldn't look away as he stood on the stage. I was afraid to go and say goodbye, and I let him go to the Capitol without telling him anything. Last time I said goodbye, it was to Orion when he volunteered for the games four years ago. Mason died five years, and Orion right after. I was afraid of what Torka would say to me. I was afraid he'd yell at me and tell me to die.

I should've been the one volunteering for him.

But it's too late because the train has left, and I'm trapped alone. My bones are weak and fragile, and I swear I'm about to collapse. Holding myself up is taking more work than I ever imagined. My chest is tight, and it's hard to breathe. Torka is strong, but not every career wins. I mean look at district eleven winning three times in a row. What happened to the careers then? All the training in the world didn't save them. It didn't save Mason. It didn't save Orion, but Orion wasn't a career. He chose to study first aid, and I admire him for that. And I miss them both so much.

I'll never forgive myself if Torka dies because I didn't say goodbye. I didn't tell him that I care for him. Even if he said he hated me, it's something that needs to be done.

He saved my best friend.

And I repaid him by abandoning him.

The walk home is hard, and I don't know what to do. My eyes are failing me. Tears stream down the side of my face, and I'm trying to hide them so nobody sees me. I need to talk to Derek. I need him right now, and he probably needs me. I just don't know what to say. Torka won't be around to torment me for being a bastard child. He won't be there to show any type of emotion, and it just isn't the same. He's not strutting about in district two, and I know he's strong enough and smart enough in combat to do well, I just hope he can pull of the smarts to actually out smart these people.

I'm met at the door by Chatzkel, and he's just staring at me. He's never talked to me unless I talk to him first. His eyes burn holes through my skin, and part of me wonders what he's up to. Yet it's just how he is.

But I don't even look at him.

Heading straight towards to my room, I don't look back or around or anything. Once inside the door slams shut, and I didn't even mean for that to happen. My knees give out, and I hit the floor. Silent sobs rage throughout my body, and I can't hold back the volcano of tears erupting from my eyes. That's when I notice a tiny sheet of paper lying on the floor in front of my bed.

Lifting it with a shaky hand, I try to make out the words through my blurred vision.

Odysseus. I know how much you cared for Derek. He was there for you when our brothers died. I had to save him. I care about my family. I didn't show it because you need to be tough. Torka.

My heart leaps inside my chest. Torka did this for me. He volunteered for the games because he knows how much I care for Derek. He's like my brother, and my real brother is in the games where he's statistically going to die. But he's strong, and he has to come home. Reading over the letter again, I stop. Our brothers. Torka actually acknowledged me as a brother. And he says he cares. And that I need to be tough.

But I am weak.

I'm falling apart right in front of my own eyes.

"Torka, I'm so sorry." The words barely fill the air, and they're drowned out from the sounds of the sobs winning a war. I thought he didn't care. I thought he hated me. I thought that he wouldn't want to speak to me -

I was wrong.

"Please come home, my brother." My words are nearly inaudible, yet they're loud enough for me to hear. Curling the sheet of paper up in my hands, I lean forward resting my head on the floor. I have so much to tell him, and I'm afraid I may not get the chance.

Please.