Dear Heart // {Camille Reactions to 74th}

“Quincy!” Desperation fuels me as I hastily journey to my pack of Fosters. To no disappointment Scarlet captures my gaze, guarding over my orphan Babies she’s also gained to call her own. But the little Brunette I’m in need of fails to meet my search. “Quincy!” Still I must discover the Brother of the Redhead that’s about to be stolen from us. A pleading stare meets with Scarlet a mere foot in front of her, hungry for an answer to my demand. Her gentle fingertips coddle my depleting features, her sulked eyes beyond worry. “Quincy?” Yet we’re both aware of where our concern must reside.

A subtle shake moves her breathtaking expression. “He’s not…” She’s unable to even complete her sentence, overwhelmed by the misfortune that has plagued us all.

“Where?” I must know. Certainly I’m begging for a reassurance that’s unreachable, though I must. Deja’s last request was for the console of Quincy, and I can’t accept faltering in this task. Scarlet’s, my Love’s, precious alluring eyes collapse before us, and I’m aware that I can’t blame her for such. “Do you know…” My own words are unable to form a completion, as I worsen my deer Blonde’s emotions.

Our Boy’s too intelligent for such. The one that had collided us together, as Scarlet’s unconditional heart connected to him while his Teacher. Somehow together we managed a break through with him, (and with all of mine, now our, Children) only for the Capitol to crumble us once more. He flees into seclusion when brutally faced with a heart-wrenching conclusion. And once his secret haven is successfully sought, he locates another unknown hideout. There will be no discovering him, not in time for Deja’s departure at least. But I can’t succumb to the defeat just yet.

Without warning I’m fleeing to continue the search, though hopefully to no surprise. Graciously there’s instinct that Scarlet will be looking after our Babies. Leaving me with the responsibility to guide towards our Hatchers. “Quincy!” The screams prevail once more, while the cry has yet to refrain from my tone. Street after street, ally after ally, corner after nook, the anguish of this entirety solely intensifies.

A throb consumes my every thought over and step for Deja. Less care couldn’t be granted to the newly formed physical trauma upon my scalp, as the mental overplays it all. “Quincy!” I have to find him, for her. It’s as though every action I conspire will rein the survival of my beloved Redhead.

Without my knowledge the darkness of night has clouded over my surroundings. She’s gone. He’s lost. And I’m left helpless. Unbeknown my back has merely found the outside wall of a building, my bottom hopelessly defeated upon the unforgiving concrete of a deserted ally. The environment is nearly identical to my position sixteen years prior, where I remained too weak to ever craft a Foster Home for a sanctuary family. The founding of an innocent whimper of a baby craving survival saved me then, pressed me further. Only silence occupies my now though. Numb legs spiral before me in cave to give up. Will Deja manage to cling to Life as that Baby, whom I now know as Bambi, did? Will she be determined to return to me? To her family?

Somehow I manage to return my person back to the Foster House I feel is being ripped from my heart. Surely I’ve known of the cruelty of the Capitol, though forced myself to be naïve to its extent. Has the fate of my existent been illustrated across me? Will each of my Littles be yanked from my shelter & soul year after year? One gone, one more balancing on Life’s fence, and how many to go? Please Deja, be the one to break this deathly cycle.

Each Baby, that still blesses my side, is tucked into their beds with full stomachs, and sorrowful rocks weighing their hearts. And once slumber has overtaken the House, the force of today carves into my emotions. Restlessly I wait by the front door, begging for the retrieval of Quincy…and most definitely, Deja.

Without approval tears leak past my eyelids, like an uncontrollable sink pipe that has busted beyond repair. “Oh, Deja…” I sob, while anxiety reminds me of the power I no longer possess. “I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry.” Repeats several times past my lips that are buried within my legs, as I’m unable to resist curling into an agonizing rock. Nails claw against the top of my skull in plead for this to all end. “Please come back!” A desperate cry laces my request as though my own life depended on it.

“Camille….” Scarlet’s soft voice embraces me, though I’m unable to retreat from my personal cradle. Within seconds her warming arms encircle me, reminding me that fate has yet to meet its end.

Willingly I enfold into her comfort, attempting to absorb my tears back from scaling down my cheeks. “I failed her…I couldn’t protect her.” I whisper the horrifying truth for solely Scarlet to witness. A calming cooing shakes her throat, informing me that I must rekindle my strength. Deja has not depleted from us yet, and I must not either. She will return, and I must maintain the secure family until she does. Slowly but surely sleep escapes us from the horrid reality…at least for now.