A Sullen Moon // {Arrows// Apollo & Salem}

The Panem has crumbled below me in countless, varies manners. There’s an overwhelming sensation of being intoxicated by that luscious poison of alcohol. What once was a breathless experience, has decided to suffocate me in the aftermath. I’ve chosen to overdose on happiness, and now there’s absolutely nothing left to numb my broken soul. Again the strength that held me upright has been ripped far from my fingertips.

It was never entirely joyful occasions. Heartache was chained against our beaten ankles, weighing our beautiful path, but I never minded. Now my entire body is heavy with dismay, and she’s no longer there to lighten the journey…even if the hardship of responsibilities didn’t bind my every second, her absence would still control my inability to fade into slumber.

The silence of chaos breaths across the air of this late hour, as it somehow does every night at this time. All of the screams and arguments have settled, to refuel for the next day to come. Truly I should be following in their recuperation, while still the same plagues my withering bones. What would occur if I were to collapse my beaten eyelids for a mere moment? Unfortunately she’s no longer there to secure my rampaging assumptions.

Darkness combs the hallways of my walk. My vision has long before adjusted to this sullen tint. Tears blur the view of my venture, only to be swiftly blinked away. She was the muscle of this family, and now I somehow must fulfill that role as well. But the memory of her alluring voice pursuing me to join her in bed jolts at my heart, and tempts a sorrowful sob. On nights such as this, when fear carried me through the house for hours on end, checking to make sure each of our children were safe and sound, she’d force my head upon her lap to weave her sheltering fingers through my hair. Instantly my worries would fade, our love would override all, and rest would be granted. Now every night jostles my insecurities, and she’s no longer there to reassure me from such.

Again Pariah’s whimpers of night terrors echo against my hearing; but I no longer have the energy to comfort him from such. It happens every quiet occasion as if clockwork. For the first time I’m unable to fake the strength I no longer possess. I desperately need hidden strength to evoke from each of my babies, for me as selfish as that may be, while only a rare few can complete this.

My spine scratches down a sturdy wall, and my bottom plummets to the unforgiving floor. Instantly I curl into myself, without an ounce of ability to refrain from doing so. How long can I possibly survive this? How long must I last? The sounds of my responsibilities barrage my senses, as my own fingers flick at my ears that I plead will fall deaf. Whines, deep breathing, soft snores, and truthfully I fail at caring for any evoking each sound. Eventually turmoil is destined to shatter our existences even more so.

The patter of footsteps gracefully yanks me from my undesired thoughts. A petite, grayed figure greets my sulked eyes. “Salem? What are you doing up honey?” I attempt to keep a sturdy whisper, though it still cracks in the mist of my wake. Has Pariah woken him from his much needed rest? Will he hopefully save the small boy, as I no longer can? He’s just as young as him, yet he pertains a maturity even greater then my own. Still I must be the leader she’s left me to be. “You should go back to bed, love. The sun will be up soon.” There’s an urge to pull from my defeated stance upon the ground, while I also cannot do that either. Evidently I will fail at it all. I will fail all of them.