the conflict within . eren/jean | blitz

j e a n

I've been having weird dreams. Dreams to which I have forgotten the plot but every morning I wake with sweat beaded upon my brow and an ominous churning in the pit of my stomach. Not that it matters. Every day is the same, start to finish I fall upon the same racetracks and make no more progress than I would upon a marry-go-round.

I didn't want to go to work today. It's as though my body begs for another hour's rest before subjecting myself to voices bound to grate upon paper-thin nerves and yet such luxury is lost within the split second it takes me to force my back off of the mattress.

And the last thing I want, first thing in the morning, is to hear him. The very sound of his voice shatters the pleasant sleepy embrace to which I have surrounded myself and my teeth sink into the side of my cheek. Hard. Pointless obscenities fall upon deaf ears in the time I take to purposefully position myself against the door frame.

And my subtle grin is anything but.

"Bad day?"

j e a n

Holy shit he's really fucking angry. I'm not quite sure what's crawled into his ass today but it must be especially painful from the look on his face. "Temper tantrums suit you." I observe lazily, ruffling his hair as I pass him on my way to the kitchen. "Don't worry, I'm sure if you ask nicely they'll give you your toy back." The condescension doesn't suit me. Of all the dumbasses in this fucking building I'm easily second only to Jaeger. It's harder than I realized to keep my tongue sewn to the inside of my cheek and so more often than not it wags carelessly. Thoughts connected to words with little to no consideration passing between my lips.

"I plan on getting wasted for new years, anyhow. I'm making Marco coffee as compensation." Because god knows  Marco Bodt is the only one willing to put up with me. Perhaps a part of me is jealous of the support system Jaeger has. Mikasa and Armin's loyalty to him is undying and he seems to be friendly enough with the others despite his awful attitude. I cannot help but fear that when push comes to shove, I'll have no one but Marco willing to stick by my side. 

It's as comforting a thought as it is lonely.

j e a n

My body stills at the mention of him, sneer contorting a previously smug expression. "It's none of your business why Marco and I are close." I retort, abandoning my attempt at making coffee and instead settling into the seat next to him. I don't like the way Marco's name sounds curling off of his lips and he's lucky I don't sew them shut right here and now. I'm so fucking tired of Jaeger.

"I'm not sitting here asking why Armin puts up with your antics." I struggle to maintain composure, crossing my feet upon an adjacent table. "I mean, I could but the way he fawns over you is evidence enough, I think." And its true that Armin has always admired Eren- stuck to his side like glue to paper. It'd be cute if I didn't fucking despise Eren so much.