} one less plate at the dinner table ; BLITZ

Clementine Shim

I remember when I used to be kind and innocent.

At least, I remember when I used to think I was.

I'm not like that anymore.

My kindness and innocence died with Sol.

I wasn't used to eating dinner as a family, ever since we lost Sol to the Hunger Games. It wasn't a very common occurrence for us anymore. Usually, we would eat on our own. I'd sit in my room, eating and thinking about like, reading a book, or perhaps making a sketch. Drawing and reading are some of the very few things that distract me from the terrors of life anymore. I'm startled easily, however, meaning that, when everyone was seated at the table and I accidentally knocked my fork to the floor, I jumped a bit as I heard the 'ding' sound that it made. I looked over at Hayk, sitting next to me. I was slightly embarrassed about jumping over something so small, but I guess it's because nothing seems safe anymore. Did Hayk feel that same, unsettling feeling as I did all day, almost every day of my life, ever since Sol was snatched away from our lives?

Clementine Shim

I was getting frustrated at the silence in the room. I couldn't stand it, after just a short amount of time, and I could tell I wasn't the only one bothered by it. Silence gave me too much opportunity to overthink things, such as how empty the room felt without Sol there, no matter how long it had been. I let out a sigh, hoping to break the silence, but no one said a word. Not in the mood to eat my food, and not even having a clean fork to do so with, I decided that I would just shatter the silence that was there.

"Why is everyone so quiet?" I snapped. "I mean, I know we don't normally eat dinner together but this is just starting to bother me," I explained. I never really spoke in polite tones anymore. It was too difficult for me to do that. I glanced around at the other that were sitting at the table, hoping that I wouldn't anger them more having said the words that I allowed to escape my lips.

Clementine Shim

It was satisfying to know that no one got mad at me for my somewhat rude way of breaking the silence that was beginning to irritate me. Then, Hayk had even decided to speak up. He made a comment about how we weren't used to talking to one another. It pained me to think about that. It pained me even more to think about the fact that I knew just why we weren't used to talking to one another. It'd been much too long. A death in the family certainly didn't help it, either. Especially with that death being Sol's.

"Yeah..." I replied to Hayk, "I wish I knew," I said. I had more of a pain in my voice than the anger I had before. It was more of a saddened tone, now, and I wish I could have held that back. Looking or sounding weak was something I hated.

Clementine Shim

Hayk spoke to me kindly, clearly wanting to have a decent conversation. Decent quality conversation wasn't common in our home. It was nice to speak with someone I cared about in a civil conversation for once. I smiled slightly when he asked what I'd been doing recently. He actually wanted to talk to me, and he seemed like he truly wanted to make me feel better by doing so.

I had to think for a moment. What had I actually been doing recently, aside from sitting in my room by myself, mourning Sol and thinking about the other terrible aspects of life? What was something good, interesting or exciting that I'd done?

"Well," I started, pausing to think for a moment. "I've been doing a lot of drawing. I went down to the District Square the other day just to draw the buildings." It wasn't very interesting, but it was something. At least we were making conversation. "What about you?" I asked him.