zors catchin HANDS | {zoe v dars boneass}

officer i'm DISTRAUGHT i came home from an afternoon at brenda's sipping mojito's by the poolside and gossiping about our children's nannies and he was just LYING THERE with a JAVELIN IN HIS CHEST i cannot believe this who would do something like this???

attacks dars bc he came for me in a copyright lawsuit over my novel
0zQeMMjPjavelin
block bruh

[me: 4/40]

*over the top gasp from the court room pews*

OBJECTION!!!!

attacks dars because i'm representing myself
|DvLnnQjjavelin
miss wtf javelin i thought we were tight?? did the 74th mean nothin to u???

[me: 4/40]

YOU KNOW WHAT RICHARD? STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. NOBODY LIKES SPINACH PUFFS. SPINACH IS ONLY GOOD IN SPINACH AND KALE SMOOTHIES EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. GOD. IT'S BASIC UPPER CLASS LIFESTYLE LIVING. STAY WOKE, DICK.

*judge raises eyebrows and nods*

attacks dars because i'm spittin truth
pOj01rjnjavelin
SPEAR IN STOMACH 9.5 OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[me: 4/40]

i'd like to bring my first piece of evidence to the table, your honour:

[10:04 a.m.] co-author tbh: I plan on taking you for everything you're worth.

proof he's after me and the money and the house and the villa in italy and the 8 cars and the beach house in cancun and the properties in ireland and the estate in malibu

and now my second piece of evidence:

[26/12/2016 6:46:59 p.m.] Zoë: omg hi it's been 8 years but Darren literally just told me drunk on call he had sex with an alligator ur welcome
[26/12/2016 6:59:47 p.m.] mads but every time i say something stupid it gets faster: gbkdsv it's me I'm the alligator

ALLIGATOR FUCKER

attacks dars because the whole courtroom is #mcshookin
XjNW0eyBjavelin
SHALLOW CUT ON RIGHT CALF -- 3.5

[me: 17/40]

attacks dars because he's bitter as HELL

4RQldvqKjavelin
SHALLOW CUT ON BACK OF HEAD -- 4.5

lunges for darren's toupe

[me: 25/40]

enjoyed my sloppy seconds, babe?

also, THANK YOU for cutting my ears off, now i never have to hear you whine about the lads in the office or the fact that the furniture is the wrong shade of mottled grey. a blessing.

attacks dars because he has crabs #confirmed

GoYoy3LMjavelin
DEEP GASH ON HAND -- 8
COME BACK QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

[me: 32/40]

you literally just broke The Wildlife Act of 1953 bc kiwis are protected under the law so i'm arresting and charging you with treason, you have been banished from my kiwi land and can never ever come back or you'll be stoned to death with beer bottles.

attacks dars because he just insulted my culture

Gfh9hfi1javelin
3.5

whispering with my dying breaths: darren is an alligator fucker

[me: 35.5/40]