It's Little, and Broken, But Still Good {Chaos & Blizzy//JB}

I’d been crying all too much since Chaos and Lightning volunteered. I couldn’t wrap my head around why they’d volunteer. It was bad enough with one of my dear siblings going in, but two… This guaranteed that at least one of them wouldn’t be coming back home alive. I was almost tempted to join them when Chaos put herself out there, but my nerves got the better of me. Perhaps the decision not to volunteer had saved my life. Perhaps it hadn’t. I don’t know how I’ll do when one of them dies.

’When’, I thought to myself. Not ‘if’.

Chaos would be the one I visited first. For whatever reason, I was a bit closer to her than any of my other siblings. She treated me as if I were her own child, and she was like a mother to me, even though she wasn't much older than I was. I loved her with my entire heart and soul, ever since she saved me from Keres as I as running away from the foster home. It still comes as a surprise for me that the foster home never even bothered to search for me. Then again, they didn’t really seem to notice me when I was there, either. It’s not like they ever did head counts, so they may not have even noticed my absence.

Peacekeepers approached me as I stood in the slowly dispersing crowd. I was looking down at my feet as tears streamed down my face, and didn't even notice the men in white until one of them placed his strong hand on my shoulder.

”Blizzard O’Hana?” he asked. I looked up at the man and nodded. ”I’m going to take you to see Lightning and Chaos, okay?” I nodded again and followed the Peacekeeper that had spoken to me as the second one followed behind me.

By the time I reached the Justice Building, my tears had stopped flowing. Although, my eyes were still watering and my cheeks tear-stained, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to prevent them from coming out of my eyes again. The Peacekeeper asked me who I’d be visiting first. I didn't even hesitate for a moment, as I knew I needed to see Chaos as soon as possible. If I didn’t see her before I visited Lightning, I knew I wouldn’t even be able to speak to my beloved brother.

When I entered the room, I knew that Chaos would be able to tell I was crying not too long before I had arrived. Chaos looked at me, and I could tell that she didn’t like seeing me this way. It’d been ages since she’d seen me cry. Or, at least, it felt that way. In all actuality, it had only been about three weeks ago. The reason for her seeing me in tears was that I had a panic attack when there was a fire reported to have happened in the District at a foster home. I spiraled into a state of worry, thinking that it had been the foster home my younger brother was in. Despite the fact that I felt bad for whomever had been affected by the fire, I was relieved that my younger brother didn’t have to have his home burned down for a second time in his life. I was also relieved to know that I wouldn’t be losing anyone else in a fire like I had my parents.

Chaos spoke kindly, calling me ‘honey’ like a mother to her young daughter. She tried her best to calm my nerves, telling me that there was no need for anxiety. I, however, truly felt that if there was a time for anxiety, it was now. Chaos reminded me of the positive memories we’d created in our short time together, but it was hard for me to think of good things when so many abhorrent thoughts flooded my mind. My older sister had wrapped me in a hug at this point, and I held her tightly in return.

She made me a promise. She told me that Lightning would come home. I wished in that moment that the promise was set in stone, but I knew Chaos couldn’t guarantee anything when it came to the Hunger Games, other than the fact that at least one of them would be no longer living by the end of it all. I wanted to rip my hair out as I felt my heart tearing itself apart. There was nothing to stop the flood of emotions I was feeling right then.

I was told to distract myself, and to take care of Tempest. I wasn’t sure how to do either of those things, though. If I wanted to distract myself, I’d have to forget about Chaos and Lightning, but I couldn’t do that. There was no way in Hell that was going to be possible.

”Chaos, I don’t know how to distract myself. I can’t just forget about you two. I can try to take care of the others, but… I don’t know how well I’ll do without you here,” I explained. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I looked into Chaos’s eyes. What was I going to do without she and Lightning? If it weren't for the two of them, I would never be a part of the O’Hana family name. I never would have been saved from Keres when she attacked me, and I never would have found somewhere that I really felt safe and at home. This was my first reaping living with the O’Hana family, and already some of them were leaving me. I looked into Chaos’s eyes, released from our hugging embrace, and then felt the pendant that was around my neck. I always wore it. I’d purchased it with the money I had shortly after being taken into the family, and had it engraved with the family name, “O’Hana”. It gave me comfort, and was the one thing I never took off, even when I took a shower or went for a swim.

”Do you have something to take with you?” I asked, my hand still clutching my pendant.

Chaos attempts to use her soothing words to draw some reassurance into my mind, but I fail to comprehend how everything, or anything, for that matter, would ever be okay again. There's too much pain in my heart and physically, in my body, to even think properly in that moment. When I get upset, I don't just feel emotionally unwell, but physically, too. My stomach does flips and my chest tightens up as my body shakes and my muscles start to ache as if I'd just run a mile to get to the place where I might have been seeing Chaos for the last time. I try to stop all the crazy, out-of-control emotions that want to escape out of my thoughts and into my actions, but it's too difficult. Sadness escapes and shows itself.

When people attempted to reassure me that things would be okay, it was extremely uncommon for it to work. Normally, it would just make me panic more, as it showed that they at least knew that something was wrong as well, and that I wasn't just imagining it. My anxiety often did that to me; thought up things for me to worry about that really weren't an issue. This time, though, this wasn't just some game my nerves were playing on me. No, I was going to lose at least one of my dear O'Hana family members, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My heart told me I should have volunteered with them, but my mind was stronger, stopping me, and reminding me that I had to be there for the others, especially Tempest, or they'd never make it through. I got a verbal reminder of that from Chaos, too. She told me that I needed to be there, especially for Tempest.

The next words that crossed the threshold of Chaos's lips made me feel like my heart had split.

“As twins, I need her to remain strong. If she breaks, I break. Even from miles away and not seeing it for myself, I’ll just know if she does. I need you all to stay strong for Lightning and I.” Chaos's words were strong. I knew they were stronger than anything I could have thought to say if I were in her situation. Hell, I couldn't even think of something strong to say when I was on the other side of it, watching her go.

When my sister kept speaking, I listened intently, not interrupting. I had to let her say as much as possible.

“And of course you won’t forget about us, that’s against the O’Hana motto. I meant distraction from anxiety. My sarcasm and jokes will be reigning that damn Arena, okay? You gotta laugh with me, not worry. Even when…”

I knew what that pause meant. I didn't make her explain it.

“Just, laugh with me.”

I let a slight smile be drawn with my lips across my face. When I'd asked her if she had something to take with her, she gave me an answer that sounded quite sweet at first, and totally her at the end. Precious memories, and her hope to sneak in booze. That certainly seemed like something she would say. It was good to see that she was still being herself, even in a situation like this. Then, she questioned as to why I was asking.

The pendant I was clutching in my hand was beginning to get warm. I released my grasp on it, and unhooked the clasp of the necklace chain. Then, I closed the clasp again when it was around Chaos's neck.

"Will you take this with you? Please?" I asked her. Our time was running short, and I knew I wouldn't be able to say much else, so I spoke quickly. My words were pleading to her, and I hoped dearly with all my heart, that she would listen.

"I know you can't both come home, and I hate thinking of it that way, but you can't sacrifice yourself, okay? You two need to protect each other, but not die for one another unless you absolutely know the other will survive. I don't want to see either of you go, but please, just please, don't let it be both of you."

Then, I thought to myself, or more so, to whatever was watching over us.

Dear Ripred, or whatever being may be watching over us, please, please, just make it so that Chaos or Lightning comes home alive. Please.