My Sincerest Apology {Vely/Grim}(tw)
May 8, 2017 20:15:03 GMT -5
Post by vely. on May 8, 2017 20:15:03 GMT -5
Wow, I dont even know how to begin. I guess firstly I should say that this may be a bit triggering for some parties, but what I am going to say, must be said. Hello, old friends and new friends alike, and all of you who I have sincerely loved and devoted my spare time to for years upon years. Most of you remember me as Grim, but I am here to tell you that I am sorry.
Some of you may remember the 74th games, and my constant lashing and my constant forceful behavior, as well as my deceiving and lying. You may also remember my lack of communication, and my lack of understanding for others. I Caleb, have been struggling with severe anxiety and depression, as well as some serious instances of attempted suicide for a little over a year now. During the 74th games my mother had begun taking on alcoholism again, she no longer was home, and when she was she was severely abusive, both physically and emotionally. I also had recently come out to my father as both bisexual as well as gender neutral. This lead to his disowning of me and had left me sort of lost. To this day, my mother still has many late nights, and my father no longer keeps in touch. None of this grants me a "get out of jail free" card for my behavior during the 74th games, but I can tell you that person was not me, and never has been. I am not healthy at this point, but I can tell you that I am no longer in and out of the ER and I no longer feel the amount of hatred that I had felt even just a few months ago. I felt the need to be in control, i felt the need to have some sort of meaning during that time. And the only place I felt I had any control over was the life of my tribute, and the decisions of the games. The games became my life, because I was too afraid to face my real life. I want to apologize to everyone, but specifically the people that I had hurt personally. I feel as though I had lashed out and treated them in a way that no person should be treated and in a way to assert my own dominance, because I felt powerless everywhere else.
You may be wondering why i decided to come back under a different name. I chose to come back under the persona Vely, because I was afraid of the negative connotations and judgments I may have received if I chose to come back under the profile of Grim. I thought I could be happy just starting with a new slate, but it wasn't true. I cant pretend like the relationships I have created aren't real. I need you all in my life and I need those friendships back. I would also like to thank heather - d2 [mylee] for always being there for me and supporting me in this decision to reveal myself and truly just embrace all of you the way I once had. Mylee is an unbelievably good friend and is genuinely one of my closest friends. So again, thank you Miles for always being my shoulder to lean on.
Firstly admin kay I should never have assumed things of you Kay and I apologize for putting any sort of damper on you during that games. I know that I had said some harsh things pertaining to you and i had also mislead some people about some of the things you had said to me, and that was completely wrong of me. secondly [ retro gm ] angel lí ✨ I consider you to be one of my closest and most trusted friends and I turned on you, that isnt something that friends do, and I was completely out of place in doing so. I also attempted to turn you against some of your own friends and that was by all means unacceptable. Thirdly Magenta Ryker [dars] I attempted to mislead you and turn you against your own friends and I tried to manipulate you because I felt as if I had some sort of control over the situation, when I was really only afraid and wanted nothing more then to help you, but in attempting to do so I did things that I cant even speak of without feeling completely ashamed. ✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ I lied to both you and Kire because I was beginning to treat my tributes life as my own, and I was willing to do anything to keep her alive, no matter the amount of people I had to hurt and lie to. I can genuinely say that is not like me, and that isnt me. I can also say that you both are amazing people and writers and that those actions were completely uncalled for and I hate that i was in a place where I was willing to do that to anyone. d4 tati pelotte [azalea] I had thrown you into the middle of my drama and I blamed you for something that you should not have been blamed for, you do not deserve to be treated in that way, and what you did was completely understandable and exactly what a true friend should do. tom kousei ♚ ☢️ you guys genuinely make my heart ache, I love all three of you to death, and the fact that I forced you to do things you were not comfortable with, and diminished you guys and treated you in that way, was completely unacceptable. I sincerely apologize for all of it,and I genuinely love all three of you with all of my heart, none of you deserved any of what I said and none of you should of been treated in that way. And finally gm bourgeois decadence [aya] I apologize for my immature and horrible behavior that caused so much uproar on your beautiful site. I know that I dont deserve a place with so many talented and beautifully loving people, but I cant see myself ever getting away from this place. It has made me a better person and writer and it has helped me become the person that i am. Thank you for this wonderful creation and thank you for all that you do. I would also like to apologize to anyone else that I may have hurt in this process, and I want you all to know that I love you. That person who you may have seen during the 74th was far form who I am today and who I have always been. I hope that I can rekindle the relationships that I have lost and i hope that there will be some kind of forgiveness in the future. I am in recovery and I am doing much better, though I am still a work in progress, I can promise that my behavior will never amount to that ever again. I am ashamed of who I became and I am ashamed of what life can do to a person. I will do better, I will show you all who i truly am.
Sincerly, Grim/ Vely
Some of you may remember the 74th games, and my constant lashing and my constant forceful behavior, as well as my deceiving and lying. You may also remember my lack of communication, and my lack of understanding for others. I Caleb, have been struggling with severe anxiety and depression, as well as some serious instances of attempted suicide for a little over a year now. During the 74th games my mother had begun taking on alcoholism again, she no longer was home, and when she was she was severely abusive, both physically and emotionally. I also had recently come out to my father as both bisexual as well as gender neutral. This lead to his disowning of me and had left me sort of lost. To this day, my mother still has many late nights, and my father no longer keeps in touch. None of this grants me a "get out of jail free" card for my behavior during the 74th games, but I can tell you that person was not me, and never has been. I am not healthy at this point, but I can tell you that I am no longer in and out of the ER and I no longer feel the amount of hatred that I had felt even just a few months ago. I felt the need to be in control, i felt the need to have some sort of meaning during that time. And the only place I felt I had any control over was the life of my tribute, and the decisions of the games. The games became my life, because I was too afraid to face my real life. I want to apologize to everyone, but specifically the people that I had hurt personally. I feel as though I had lashed out and treated them in a way that no person should be treated and in a way to assert my own dominance, because I felt powerless everywhere else.
You may be wondering why i decided to come back under a different name. I chose to come back under the persona Vely, because I was afraid of the negative connotations and judgments I may have received if I chose to come back under the profile of Grim. I thought I could be happy just starting with a new slate, but it wasn't true. I cant pretend like the relationships I have created aren't real. I need you all in my life and I need those friendships back. I would also like to thank heather - d2 [mylee] for always being there for me and supporting me in this decision to reveal myself and truly just embrace all of you the way I once had. Mylee is an unbelievably good friend and is genuinely one of my closest friends. So again, thank you Miles for always being my shoulder to lean on.
Firstly admin kay I should never have assumed things of you Kay and I apologize for putting any sort of damper on you during that games. I know that I had said some harsh things pertaining to you and i had also mislead some people about some of the things you had said to me, and that was completely wrong of me. secondly [ retro gm ] angel lí ✨ I consider you to be one of my closest and most trusted friends and I turned on you, that isnt something that friends do, and I was completely out of place in doing so. I also attempted to turn you against some of your own friends and that was by all means unacceptable. Thirdly Magenta Ryker [dars] I attempted to mislead you and turn you against your own friends and I tried to manipulate you because I felt as if I had some sort of control over the situation, when I was really only afraid and wanted nothing more then to help you, but in attempting to do so I did things that I cant even speak of without feeling completely ashamed. ✌ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ I lied to both you and Kire because I was beginning to treat my tributes life as my own, and I was willing to do anything to keep her alive, no matter the amount of people I had to hurt and lie to. I can genuinely say that is not like me, and that isnt me. I can also say that you both are amazing people and writers and that those actions were completely uncalled for and I hate that i was in a place where I was willing to do that to anyone. d4 tati pelotte [azalea] I had thrown you into the middle of my drama and I blamed you for something that you should not have been blamed for, you do not deserve to be treated in that way, and what you did was completely understandable and exactly what a true friend should do. tom kousei ♚ ☢️ you guys genuinely make my heart ache, I love all three of you to death, and the fact that I forced you to do things you were not comfortable with, and diminished you guys and treated you in that way, was completely unacceptable. I sincerely apologize for all of it,and I genuinely love all three of you with all of my heart, none of you deserved any of what I said and none of you should of been treated in that way. And finally gm bourgeois decadence [aya] I apologize for my immature and horrible behavior that caused so much uproar on your beautiful site. I know that I dont deserve a place with so many talented and beautifully loving people, but I cant see myself ever getting away from this place. It has made me a better person and writer and it has helped me become the person that i am. Thank you for this wonderful creation and thank you for all that you do. I would also like to apologize to anyone else that I may have hurt in this process, and I want you all to know that I love you. That person who you may have seen during the 74th was far form who I am today and who I have always been. I hope that I can rekindle the relationships that I have lost and i hope that there will be some kind of forgiveness in the future. I am in recovery and I am doing much better, though I am still a work in progress, I can promise that my behavior will never amount to that ever again. I am ashamed of who I became and I am ashamed of what life can do to a person. I will do better, I will show you all who i truly am.
Sincerly, Grim/ Vely
