Kaiba Rhodes D11 [done]

I keep to myself keeping my attentions unknown. To some I may come off as a shy, quiet individual, but really I'm learning, taking everything in because I want people to trust me. I wear a mask nobody can see through, and I use it to my advantage. I want people to talk to me, to tell me what's bothering them, to share secrets with me, and maybe one day I can return the favor. But as people talk to me, I don't let them in the wall that I've built around myself. My secrets remain my secrets, and I'll only use theirs if it's to my advantage. It's wrong to use the truth against people, but if it'll get me further in life, then I'll do it. Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm a shy being. It's the way to get myself ahead, and I look forward to using it.

Burying my family has been hard. Year after year it seems like it would get better, but it never does, and I find myself playing cards to relive the stress. It temporarily takes away the pain sending me into a world without a worry. It's perfect, but none of it matters anymore. My family means the world to me, and I enjoy playing cards with them. I enjoy talking to them. Telling them stories. Yeah, I stay sad, and yeah I cry, but I do it when nobody's watching. I gotta be happy all the time otherwise nobody will play cards with me. I won't have a money making business outside of the harvesting my family does. Harbinger doesn't need the money anymore, but I do, and I have family to care for even if I have to do it all by myself.

There's nothing like sitting around a table holding the cards in my hand. Beads of sweat rolling down my brow dripping into my dark eyes. It's fun, amusing, and it gives me the adrenaline rush I've been longing for. Eyes switch from the cards to the money stacked in front of me all while keeping a face blank of any and all emotion. It's about fooling my opponent making them think I'm going to win just so they fold so I win it all. At first it was about the money, and now it's about the freedom. The happiness I feel whenever I'm winning, the excitement I feel when I'm about to lose but win the pot, and the sorrow I feel when I'm eliminated from the table. Poker is my life, but maybe one day I'll learn to play other games in order to keep the happiness and excitement I deserve.

I remember when I first found interest in cards. I was about ten years old. I watched friends at school playing cards after hours, and I sat down beside them watching and learning. It made me laugh watching how good one guy was, and he always forced people out of money, or anything that they put on the line for gambling. Sometimes it was food, other times it was doing whatever the winner wanted for a full day. I got started in cards because I was tired of him winning all the time. I wanted to beat him to prove he was capable of being beaten. Giving the other kids a hoping chance was all I wanted. So I studied the game, learned how to keep my straight face, I convinced people I was just a newbie at playing cards. At first I kept losing. Over and over, and it was getting discouraged, and I never gave up, and one amazing day, my hard work paid off, and I finally won putting the kid in his place. It only took me about three years of learning to play, but it happened, and all my hard work was worth it.

I like to run my own shop. Teach people to play cards in return for services. Sometimes I ask people to help me clean around the house, or other times I'll ask for a small favor, it's never against the laws of Panem, and I never ask for money because I know how hard money is to come by. But if I can get things to sell, or something to help fill an empty stomach, then it's worth it. I think it brings bonds about, and it helps me make friends. Sometimes during a grueling game it even helps me build trust with people that would probably never trust me. And it's a great ice breaker. If I'm meeting someone for the first time, I ask to play cards with them. I won't always ask for anything in return for winning because it's just fun in games.

I like playing with my brothers, Faux is the most fun to play with because when he loses he always gets pissed. I've only let him win one time, and that's because I felt bad for how many times I beat him. I win a lot, and I lose a lot, but sometimes I play so much that I let myself go. I've let my eyes get baggy, I've let myself get stinky and nasty. Sometimes my hair is covered in grease. But I've always done the best I can. Trying to keep myself alive and being me. I'm not about to change for other people. If they don't like me for who I am, then I'm not for them. It's simple as that. Really.

But my life isn't all about cards. I work in the fields simply because I have to. I hate it though, and most of the time I only pretend to work when the peacekeepers are looking around. It bothers me that many die working in the fields, that many work themselves to death. I am not a slave of the Capitol, and I wish I had a way to show it, a way to prove it, but I can't risk hurting my family anymore than they've already been hurt. I don't want to die a horrible death in the fields. I've seen people succumb to heatstroke, and many other elements. I've seen young children falling from the tallest of trees. It's not safe, and I don't want any part of it, but it feels like I have no choice. The least I can do is pull my load, but maybe one day I won't have to work anymore. I won't have to continuously harvest fruits and veggies. Right now it just seems too good to be true.

But also it's hard cause I'm pale in color, and I rarely turn darker. All I do is burn under the sun. I turn red like one of the tomatoes growing in the fields. But what can I do? It's not like I can stay indoors all day playing cards. Yeah that's the life I want, but I also want to make sure my family is safe. So I'll get dirty when I have to. I hate everything about working under the eyes of the Capitol because I'm not one they want to own. I want to live my own life. To have my own job. My own family. My own freedom, but it seems the only way to do that is to give in to their every desire. And I have to say that it's not going to happen. So for now, I'll do what they want, but the moment I get a chance to strike, I'm taking it because they won't own me forever.