lead us not into temptation : calla

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 6, 2017 21:20:10 GMT -5

Post by goat on Sept 6, 2017 21:20:10 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

My mother doesn’t like that I attend public school. She wants to keep me home and teach me herself, but the school knows she wouldn’t teach the things she were supposed to, like facts about the Capitol and the history of the Games. I agree with them. It would be eight hours straight of analyzing the holy texts, on top of the twenty-four hours I already spend under their fist. How unbearable.

The teacher dismisses class for the day as I’m putting the final touches on a doodle. I try to pay attention in school as best as I can, but the margins of my papers always end up collecting flowers and vines and cats. I close the notebook. As I’m putting it into my bag, I take a survey of the room. Everybody seems eager to leave and start their weekend. I wish I could have fun plans like they do.

My eyes catch the eyes of a girl across the room. She has red hair, like someone set her on fire but she doesn’t mind the burn. I’m worried she’ll notice me, so I look back at my desk and slam my textbook shut. Bad, I tell myself. My mother would not be happy if I talked to a non-believer. I don’t need to follow every rule she places upon me, I know this, but I’m not in the mood to be on her bad side right now. I finish packing my bag and follow everyone out the door.

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.

calla
RP Tutor

2,122 POSTS

Pronouns: she/they
last seen Apr 23, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5

just a litle creacher

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 9, 2017 12:22:31 GMT -5

Post by calla on Sept 9, 2017 12:22:31 GMT -5

ilana faye

Broken chalk and pencil shavings, trivial things that dad says are classroom memories in the making, something about food for the mind and -

H a - no thanks. Focus zoning in and out and then back again because how could one person be so boring. Pencil tip hitting the desk, a tap tap tap counting the seconds until dismissal, a cue to start the weekend. The gang is ~~crashing~~ going to a party tomorrow night that's been on our radar for a while. Some exclusive weekend wind up, they said, vodka shots and party hats, and it's supposed to quite the gig.

Glazed eyes and daydreams, the lesson drones on and I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to where I was looking because suddenly I'm meeting the eyes of an angel, blonde halo and red lips and w h o a - am I staring?

I'm probably staring.

Shit, is this where I wink?

She looks away before I can, slamming her book shut with a surprising amount of force. And okay, I'm not a big fan of the class either, but it doesn't exactly get me hot enough to waste money on a new copy when the bindings eventually break. People are getting up, tripping over themselves and my name gets called by someone in the back when I don't move. It rouses me enough and she makes to leave.

"Hey, wait!"

I'm out of my chair and across the room before I realize that I didn't really plan this far ahead. Short breaths and the next step is to break the ice I guess? I smile real big and gesture to the book now in her bag.

"I know it's pretty boring, but what'd the book ever do to you?"

Last Edit: Sept 9, 2017 12:23:12 GMT -5 by calla

⇀ tracker ↼
⇀ 2024 upat ↼

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 12, 2017 1:35:27 GMT -5

Post by goat on Sept 12, 2017 1:35:27 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

"Hey, wait!"

I nearly jump out of my skin.

Nobody ever calls out to me like this. Why would they? I’m well aware of what people think of me. Any friends I’ve had are few and far between and fleeting. We may get along at first, but soon they catch everyone else’s bitterness like one catches a cold. They no longer see me as kind and understanding. Instead, I’m uptight, I’m a prude, but I swear I am doing my best, see? I’m wearing the makeup, I’m pulling my lips back into forced smiles. My mother says we are not meant to be like everybody else, but I want to be, and it seems ridiculous that assimilation and rebellion mean the same thing to me.

I turn, and the girl with the crown of fire approaches.

"I know it's pretty boring, but what'd the book ever do to you?"

A joke. I can’t remember the last time I was on the receiving end of one of these. In my home, it’s all stone cold gazes and sentences dripping with weighty meanings. One could hammer a sign reading “No Fun Allowed” in our yard, and we would not be able to protest, since we were not raised to lie.

She is smiling at me, so I smile back. It is only half forced.

“We had a bit of an argument, you see. He needed to be taught a lesson,” I say, shifting my bag to the other shoulder. “I’m sorry for any trouble we may have caused.”

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.

calla
RP Tutor

2,122 POSTS

Pronouns: she/they
last seen Apr 23, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5

just a litle creacher

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 14, 2017 22:32:16 GMT -5

Post by calla on Sept 14, 2017 22:32:16 GMT -5

ilana faye

She smiles, sunlight and honey, and rises to match my teasing.

"We had a bit of an argument, you see.
He needed to be taught a lesson, I'm sorry for any trouble we may have caused."

A sudden bright laugh and - "No, no trouble at all."

At least someone enjoys my bad jokes. She didn't roll her eyes or shut me down, didn't say you should be a little more serious, you know. It's refreshing to have someone to bounce new lines off of. Puns and pick up lines and all the things that I'm great at. Man, wait 'till I break out the real good ones.

I tuck fire behind my ear and hold out my right hand, a good old-fashioned handshake, that's a normal greeting right? Maybe it's not really, but it's kind of too late to take my hand back so I just roll with it. Good thing that wingin' it has always been one of my specialties. "I think we have some classes together?"

I already know we do, sitting near the back of the room and catching visions of gold in the corner of my eye, I know the sloping line of her shoulders well enough to pick her out of the mass of students now. And if I always happen to pick a seat close by, that must just be a lucky coincidence. Because I don't want to sound like a stalker or something.

Totally not cool.

"I'm Ilana."

⇀ tracker ↼
⇀ 2024 upat ↼

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 15, 2017 23:53:48 GMT -5

Post by goat on Sept 15, 2017 23:53:48 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

She laughs and says, “No, no trouble at all.” Have I successfully told a joke? I feel accomplished. I almost want her to laugh again. She holds her hand out, and as I look down at it I am suddenly aware of how very plain I am. With my thick knit sweater, my long skirt, my bitten and unpolished nails, I may as well be an elderly woman and not a young girl seeking an education (and perhaps a friend). I wonder why she is talking to me. Maybe she thinks it’s a joke. Maybe she will laugh about this with her friends later. Maybe she won’t. I’m sure she has a lot of friends, though. She seems too pretty not to.

“I think we have some classes together?” I nod and take her hand, hoping she does not notice the boring air around me. She’s cool. She has perfect hair and a nice smile and tells good jokes. It seems ironic to see her as cool, since I’ve been describing her as fire from the first time I saw her, but people are complicated.

I, on the other hand, am certain I am the furthest thing from cool.

“I'm Ilana.”

We both have three syllable names that end in an ‘a’. A silly coincidence, truly, but perhaps it means that we are not so different after all.

“Theola,” I reply, dropping my hand. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve never really talked to anyone in my classes before.”

Last Edit: Sept 15, 2017 23:55:20 GMT -5 by goat

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.

calla
RP Tutor

2,122 POSTS

Pronouns: she/they
last seen Apr 23, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5

just a litle creacher

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 16, 2017 14:33:19 GMT -5

Post by calla on Sept 16, 2017 14:33:19 GMT -5

ilana faye

"Theola,"

She says it and shakes my hand, electricity shooting up from our joined palms, new and strange and invigorating.

"It's nice to meet you. I've never really talked to anyone in my classes before."

Curiosity tears its claws into me but I don't want to pry, messing this up right now could be pretty disastrous. No exaggeration here. A promise of something akin to friendship hangs in the air, fragile enough that my bluntness could scare it away. I don't want to judge a book by its cover, but she doesn't exactly look like someone from my scene. But that's probably for the best.

My mind casts back to the supposed event of the century, but it begins to pale in comparison to learning more about this girl. It's not that I don't want to go, on the contrary, free alcohol is a truly marvelous thing, but they're all a little predictably boring now. I don't usually take a ~~date~~ plus one to parties that I'm not technically invited to, but there's a first time for everything.

"Well, maybe we can change that."

I smile wider and rock back and forth on my feet, all butterfly wings and nerves now.

"Are you busy tomorrow night?"

Because I have a feeling that she could make the evening more tolerable.

⇀ tracker ↼
⇀ 2024 upat ↼

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 18, 2017 22:45:05 GMT -5

Post by goat on Sept 18, 2017 22:45:05 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

"Are you busy tomorrow night?" She asks, rocking on her heels like a child might.

My mind flashes to prayer, to reading and analyzing our scriptures, to telling our mother the lessons we learned this week and how Ripred made every one happen. It flashes to chores, tidying up the white furniture and white floors and white walls and white decor. It flashes to spending the entirety of Sunday inside, trapped with my mother and sisters, because Ripred needs us to rest on the holy day and so we shall. Oh, what a life I lead.

Ilana has just met me, though. She does not know who I am. She may not even know what others think of me. I’m a blank canvas, a book with no words or pictures. I could be whatever she wanted me to be. I hope she wants me to be her friend, as I think I’d like to be hers.

Ripred, if you’re listening, which you surely must be, forgive me for this. I will make it up to you another day.

“No,” I say, with all the confidence of somebody who leads a far more interesting life than I. “Is there something you have in mind?”

Last Edit: Oct 5, 2017 13:50:01 GMT -5 by goat

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.

calla
RP Tutor

2,122 POSTS

Pronouns: she/they
last seen Apr 23, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5

just a litle creacher

lead us not into temptation : calla Sept 24, 2017 0:39:54 GMT -5

Post by calla on Sept 24, 2017 0:39:54 GMT -5

ilana faye

The flicker of a heartbeat, staccato in my chest, and she says, "No." Cue the internal glory-filled fist bumps. "Is there something you have in mind?" Let loose the metaphorical party streamers.

I don't think it's possible to smile any wider without cracking my face in two, but I try. "Well," - copper curls around my finger and I think I might actually be nervous - "there's this big party tomorrow night."

Time to really sell it. I think about passing out in the corner by myself again, plastered to the wallpaper after trying to chat up a house plant. Sneaking in and dancing with a boring stranger, of how that all could change if she came with me. "It's supposed to a lot of fun and I could use a plus one."

I twist my hands together, a blush in my cheeks and Ripred my palms are sweaty, laughing a little to fill the air. "Only if you want to of course. We've been known to get a little wild."

Party crashers don't exactly have the best reputations, but we have a hell of a lot of fun together and that's kinda the motto. Besides the fact that I'm not quite sure what kind of welcome we'll get, I hope she'll at least consider coming.

⇀ tracker ↼
⇀ 2024 upat ↼

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Oct 5, 2017 14:07:09 GMT -5

Post by goat on Oct 5, 2017 14:07:09 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

"Well, there's this big party tomorrow night," she says, and somehow, that's exactly what I was hoping to hear.

I don't go to parties. I am not invited to them, nor would I be allowed to go if I were. We are barely allowed to celebrate our own birthdays in my house. See, when you celebrate meaningless things like new years or the day you were born, it takes attention away from Ripred. He is the only person who is worthy of celebration. I, personally, think that's ridiculous. If I were a god, I would be so proud of my people that I would encourage them to celebrate themselves. Perhaps I should work on becoming one. How blasphemous.

Ilana has a wide smile, her hands dancing over each other, and she laughs. I wonder how long it took her to perfect this cool exterior, because it seems effortless, but I can tell she's as nervous as I am. She wants me to be her plus one- me. Boring, quiet Theola. Well, boring quiet Theola is going to a party tomorrow night.

"Only if you want to of course. We've been known to get a little wild."

I smile, big and bright and god I hope I don't have any lipstick on my teeth- "I'd love to go. I could use some wild right now."

My mother must be wondering where I am. I'm usually home by now. I'll hear all about it later, her shrill voice going in one ear and out the other, but for now, I will indulge in my rebellious fantasy. "I'm going to have to sneak out, though. Do you have experience with helping somebody climb out a window?"

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.

calla
RP Tutor

2,122 POSTS

Pronouns: she/they
last seen Apr 23, 2024 23:49:00 GMT -5

just a litle creacher

lead us not into temptation : calla Oct 8, 2017 22:25:30 GMT -5

Post by calla on Oct 8, 2017 22:25:30 GMT -5

ilana faye

Her voice is like honey and it's all I can hear, rose tinted glasses and cotton candy sweetness in my mouth because she said she'd love to.

"I'm going to have to sneak out, though."

A polyester thread snaps between my fingers, consequences of toying a hem, and I hope she won't get into too much trouble for this. I hope I'm not being a bad influence again and coercing her into agreement. I can't tell if I'm coming on too strong or too weak. Ripred, as long as this don't sound desperate. The walls whisper secrets and I don't want her to be caught up in any of it. Rumours and dirty little lies like low-hanging clouds, things that I want to stop from following her home.

"Do you have experience with helping somebody climb out a window?"

Visions of throwing rocks at window panes and scaling the lattice of house siding, shimmying down drainpipes and laughing in the dark, "Don't worry." Cocking a shoulder in faux confidence because we'll probably have to climb through a window just to get into the party anyways. A cracked facade but the first step to achieving anything is actually believing that you can do it in the first place. "I'm kind of an expert."

I swallow rose petals and shove the weight of the world from my chest. "How's 9 o'clock sound?"

⇀ tracker ↼
⇀ 2024 upat ↼

goat
Retired Staff

977 POSTS
Pronouns: they/them
last seen Jan 8, 2023 15:16:05 GMT -5

kindness, kindness prevails.

lead us not into temptation : calla Jan 5, 2018 21:51:21 GMT -5

Post by goat on Jan 5, 2018 21:51:21 GMT -5

theola mckenzie

"Don't worry," she says, and I'm tempted to ask if I can steal some of her confidence. I'll seal it in a jar, label it with a marker, and hide it under my bed for future use. It's not that I lack confidence, it's that I never seem to have it when I need it most. "I'm kind of an expert."

She must live quite a life, this Ilana, this person who could be my ticket to being more than I've always been. I wonder what our night will entail. Perhaps I'll drink. Perhaps I'll get drunk. Perhaps I'll emerge from this cocoon as a beautiful, social butterfly, and I'll dance and tell jokes and rest my head on her shoulder when my mind starts to swirl too much. Or, none of those things could end up happening. What I know for sure is that I can never be sure of anything until I give it a shot.

"How's 9 o'clock sound?"

"Perfect," I say, a little too fast after she finished speaking, but there's nothing I can do about that now. Embarrassment can't touch me in this bubble we currently inhabit, just her and I. I swing my bag off my shoulder and retrieve a pen and a scrap of paper, on which I scribble my address, and I pray it's legible as I press it into her hand. "If you go around the back, there are three windows. Mine is on the right."

Bag closed, swung over shoulder. Palms wiped on skirt. Air inhaled just a little shaky. "See you tomorrow," and then I'm gone, out of the classroom, and the building. I'm not supposed to take the Lord's name in vain, but I think this situation calls for it, so-

Ripred, did I just do that?

Last Edit: Jan 5, 2018 21:54:27 GMT -5 by goat

turn soft and lovely any time you have a chance.