a million reasons || koi + ev
Oct 8, 2017 18:42:08 GMT -5
Post by Bella on Oct 8, 2017 18:42:08 GMT -5
KOI WALLACE
Koi had been up all night, on and off--how were the waves of sleep supposed to pull him under when thoughts of rejection had been swimming endlessly through his head? It’d been like this for several days, and nothing had helped, not even the sleeping pills he’d pilfered from his father’s cabinet full of medicines. The first night he’d taken them they’d made him feel numb and hollow, thoughtless, so he stopped. Now all he could do was lay on his side and watch his fingertips lay against the ruffled sheets, silently counting as high as he could in his mind. It was something that had always worked before, but now he always lost track; 128 was as high as he’d gotten on any round before Evelyn found her way back into his head. When he closed his eyes he could picture her perfectly, her green eyes burning spots in his eyelids.
One night left after this one until judgement day, when Koi would meet her older sister and their fate would be decided--would he be able to see her out in the open, or would they be confined to secrecy, sneaking out at night like they had before? This was the worst kind of suspense, something more sinister than he was used to. This wasn’t standing on the edge of a cliff, held back by invisible cords with the freedom to break the tension when you were ready. This was a heaviness like lead, bound by the mattress and the clock, spiraling into what-ifs. This was waiting.
What if she was right? What if her sisters looked at his nice clothes and his combed hair, his legs unsteady on the ship’s floor, and they laughed at him? What if there was nothing he could to make them believe he was different than other land-dwellers, tadpoles? What if he wasn’t different at all? What if everything he had felt had been for nothing?
No, he’d felt too much to have felt in vain. Nervousness, excitement, running from a house they’d broken into with a stolen watch in his pocket. Exhilaration when they’d jumped from the cliff, and terror when Evelyn smacked against the surf--relief, gratitude, when she was okay. Liberation, in the rowboat under the stars. And when they’d slouched into the hull there against the plastic seats with their faces close enough to touch, lit by the moon, Koi drunk out of his mind, he’d felt a pull in his chest he’d never experienced before. He felt it now, just thinking about it. Evelyn had denied all ties to beauty and grandeur, but Koi was onto her, more than she knew.
Trying to fall asleep was exhausting. Koi rolled drowsily into a sitting position on the side of his bed, sliding his hands down the sides of his nose and grimacing at the way it felt slippery, like he needed to wash it badly. His hygiene the last few days had been pathetic. Squeezing his eyes shut and bracing for the light, he switched on his lamp and blinked himself fully awake. Across from his bed in the closet door mirror, his reflection stared back, gaunt and bag-eyed, as he pulled on some jeans. He left his room to splash some water on his face and run his head under the hot water until he felt recognizable, or at least human. Some semblance of thoughts amounted to the idea that he would go for a walk and breathe in some ocean air. Before he left, he clasped his gold watch on his wrist, the one Evelyn had given him as a thank-you, just to make sure he’d be back before his parents noticed.
As soon as the wind from the ocean chilled his wet hair, Koi felt fully awake, and a mental clarity rushed through him like a shiver. This entire thing was so messed up., he reasoned. It was so easy to give up and to feel as though he had no control over this situation, but if he thought about it, the odds were in his favor. Thoughts of the argument over breakfast last week came to mind; what had Evelyn said, exactly? She wanted to see him too, in the open if she could, and that was half the battle. He would have to fight the rest of it by himself, and he would do it fully prepared. All he needed to do was learn a little more about Ophelia, what she would expect from him, and he could win her over too.
Automatically, as if pulled by a magnet, he found himself drifting closer to Evelyn’s boat with each step that he took. His better sense whispered its warnings, that this place was forbidden, the he could compromise their secrecy and anger Ophelia. But surely they’d all be asleep at two in the morning. Besides, what had Evelyn cared about what was forbidden? The word had lost its power; they’d broken it together. Right now Koi was fighting his own kind of internal war, and he’d lost track of the laws that had guided his former self. Dress nicely, use your manners, don’t sneak out at night, don’t chase a wild thing, stay in the lines. The ship drew closer, towering over him like a Goliath, imposing. The bridge was up, so he’d have to find another way in. A deep breath, one glance back towards home.
He wrapped his hands around a rope and began to climb.
The harsh fibers dug into his hands as he struggled to pull himself up, using his feet for leverage against the side of the ship. Koi could see why Evelyn’s palms were so much thicker than his. The rope burned his hands red and raw, but he pushed through--he would prove, even without them looking, that he could be their equal. When he reached the deck, pulling himself over the side railing and falling with a thud, the blood was pounding at his ears from more than just exertion. Koi quieted his breaths for a moment. The sea whispered to him, more at peace than he could hope to be tonight.
There was a hatch that led down into the ship, and he braved it, tiptoeing down the creaky wooden ladder. The Black Pearl, she’d called it, a fitting name; it was black inside, darker than his house had ever been at night, and he had to run his hand along the wall to maneuver down the hallway. Which room was hers? Cold metal shocked his searching hand, and he turned the first doorknob. Moonlight came softly into this room through a porthole, igniting a mess of red hair in the dark. Koi’s breath caught in his throat. Was it her, or one of her sisters? He couldn’t remember the third one’s name. Closing the door behind him quietly, he crept towards the cot and kneeled down beside it.
It was her, unmistakably. Holding his breath, he raised a hand to brush her hair away from her parted mouth, and her pale cheek was softer than he’d thought it would be. His hand lingered there, beside her face.They hadn’t seen each other for a few days; he’d been wary of things going badly. The sight of her took him by surprise again as always, fierce and stunning, even when she was vulnerable like this. But when she was sleeping she looked something else, too. Sweet, even--though he might have been imagining it.
“Evelyn,” he whispered, but it was too quiet; it had been hours since he’d spoken, and He cleared his throat as imperceptibly as he could. “Ev, I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t for days. I need to talk to you about your sister, what’s going to be expected of me. Can you help me?” He was telling and pleading at the same time; this was the way he felt about her.
