You're Not Evil {Jacinta/Clementine}

“You killed him.” Those were my first words to Jacinta Salazar. They were my choice words. The words that made me shake inside my own skin, as if I were ready to jump out and attack her for what she did. Except, I wasn’t going to. I wasn’t all that close with Atlas, no. He shunned me in the Justice Building, too. All he did was push me further and further away. Regardless, though, she killed a Shim. She killed someone I cared about, and that meant something to me.

“You killed Atlas Shim. I can’t just let that go,” I said to her. My fists were clenched as I looked at the girl. She was about my age, if not the same age. She was beautiful, too. Absolutely stunning, actually. To be completely honest, I was in awe when I first saw her show up on that screen. She was so… gorgeous. There was no way to deny that, no matter how mad at her I was for what she did. I was mad at her, yes, but there was no hatred inside me, and I had to make sure she knew that, too. She had to know the anger was present, and that the hatred wasn’t. They’re two completely different things, and not everyone seems to be able to understand that.

“I don’t hate you, though. You’re strong. You’re not evil.” My fists were still clenched tightly and I was grinding my teeth. I had to calm down. I couldn’t come off as being so snippy and irritated. Sure, that’s how my personality was now. I’m not anything like I was before Sol died. Before Sol’s death, I was cheery and fun to be around. Now, I’m glum and angry most of the time. I’m not sure what it was that made me feel like I needed to talk to Jacinta on her victory tour, but something inside me told me it was needed. I couldn’t just let her pass through District Five without saying a word. She killed Atlas, after all.

“It doesn’t mean I’m happy, though. That was my cousin.” I didn’t have any idea if she knew who I was, but I didn’t really care in that moment. I was sure she was smart enough to figure it out after the words I’d just said. I’d explicitly told her Atlas was my cousin. That meant we were related. It wasn’t that hard to put two and two together. She wasn’t an idiot.

“I’ve lost too many people that I care about. I’ve lost two brothers. I’ve lost cousins… I can’t lose any more.” My eyes were starting to tear up, but I knew I had to stop it. I couldn’t cry. No, I definitely couldn’t cry. Not in front of a victor. Not in front of my cousin’s killer. Not in front of Jacinta Salazar. I knew her reason for killing was to survive. I would have done the same thing if I had to. I knew I would have. Regardless, though, if I came out of the arena alive, I knew I’d feel regret. Guilt. Grief. Rage. Nothing would feel like it did before. At least, that’s what I imagine it would be like. I’ve never been in the Games, so I wouldn’t know.

“I just… I need to talk to you,” I told Jacinta as calmly as I could at this point. I was no longer clenching my fists. My teeth weren’t grinding against one another, and I wasn’t going to let myself cry, no matter how much I felt like I absolutely needed to. I looked at the girl from Seven with a mix of fear and sorrow in my eyes. Would she know how conflicted I was feeling in that very moment? She certainly wasn’t psychic, but she was smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if she were able to figure things out rather quickly.