sad machine {carter's rebirth}

Get out of your head
the voices don't know what is best for you
in the pouring rain
I head the devil call me out

It would have been enough.

Enough for Carter to live forever in this world of elements and earth.

If only he could stay here, but others had their own aces up their sleeves.

The flame in his chest grows dimmer and dimmer as Mitchell stands there watching with those calculated eyes. Silence filled into their bones as others come along with frowns and kindness upon their tongues, but he can't hear them. The muffled sound is hitting him once more and the fear is rushing back into his chest. Mitchell's smiling and Carter can only see it glittering with something else. Mitchell Laws was born to die and right now, he looked so far away and yet so close. Mitchell's the one to speak first through the haze of it all. The only words that Carter can hear among the silence in his ear and the muffled words.

"You aren't meant to be here, Carter."

Not meant to be with him. Not meant to be dead. Carter hovers in the whiteness as it feels like the fire in his chest grows colder and colder. There's a moment before he's not saying anything, until he screams. Loud and painfully to Mitchell. He needed him. He needed to stay with him. He couldn't be torn away from his brother again. Not again. Never again. Mitchell only smiles and gives him a small hug that he can barely feel on his skin. Words fall from Carter's lips as he is being pulled away by an unknown force.

"I'm supposed to be here. I belong with you. D-Don't let them take me away."

Mitchell gives his hair the ruffling that used to happen when he was a kid to reassure him of his safety. Quick hands as Mitchell draws the pack of cards from Carter's pocket. The bright light of them glittering in front of him as Mitchell smiles and his words are barely able to be caught. The light is growing brighter and brighter into the white that he first had seen when he had been here.

"I'll always be with you. You should know that."

Faces of them pop before him. Mitchell Laws, standing like a man with a legacy. Asha Lumiere, like his method to madness was solved. Jenoah Rasoio, like he found peace in his false god. Desimae Warble, like love won over everything else. The two others who he can't place on the tips of his tongue. Words fall from their lips as they wave to him. The flames in his chest turning into nothing, but ash as the world goes bright white and then pitch black.

---

The pitch blackness is familiar to him.

Another ace up someone else's sleeve, but he's supposed to be dead.

Pain is the first thing to shadow his body as he is unconscious. The familiar throb pounding in his head as he doesn't dare let the world come into view. Unconscious or conscious, he couldn't tell, all he knew was that the flame was no longer there. The fire that burned bright in his chest was nothing more than a cold chill of something else. Was he even alive? Did he get taken away from Mitchell and sent to a new place where he can suffer from the sins that he's committed. Carter didn't know what was going on, but worry flashes quickly and his heart beats a little faster. Someone's voice is in his ear, but he can't hear them. He can't hear most of anything.

All he can remember is Max, Auto, and Lars. Had they found a way to bring him back? Why would they, he's just going to be dead weight at this point, but he can feel his chest pull to that. Alive and still in the games like it was being brought from heaven to hell. No. He didn't want to be back there. He didn't want to see the faces of pain and the determination to live in others. They deserved so much more than death and he didn't want to see it again. Would he be able to see any of the three of them die? No, he would throw himself to the coyote and sloth once again to save them.

Max. Pretty boy would be a positive to see again. More time to watch the angel's wings extend and the warmth grow to life from Carter's attempts at comfort. Though with the last thing he could remember, there would be tension with the spear through the heart and all. How did they get that wound patched? A silence fills the pitch blackness of his head as he remembers the way he smiled up to Max, accepting death without the suffering.

Auto. The girl who was just as quick as him. Sorrow pulled onto her face at the sight of him. Everything would be worth it to see the way she cries into him, happy for him to be alive, despite the fact that in the end only one of them would be able to live. It would be worth it to feel her happiness come back even if it's just for a moment.

Lars. The boy who has his back and he has his. Living once more wouldn't be so bad in order to get rid of the guilt upon his face. Always got his back, whether it would mean death or losing every seam of reality. A deep silence as he remembers the way Lars told him that they would get Lex back. Would he be able to live long enough to help his friend? A silence fills his pitch blackness.

Stone graves would wait for him. No flowers deserved to be put there in the end. The card boy would be reunited with the living, but for whatever reason he grows silent like the sounds on the outside of his ears. Words whispered around like they wanted to be as quiet as possible around Carter Laws. Whoever it was, he was tired of waiting to see them. He was tired of waiting to die once more. He was tired of the pain in his chest as he groans silently. The whispers go silent as he tries to open his eyes.

Instead he falls deeper into the blackness as the feeling of a prick on his neck once more.

Swirling silence that fills the void. Images of Jack and him hanging out around Twelve. The flash of guilt that fills in Jack's face as Carter screams at his brother. Raisa Mortuus' words that echo in his ears. The memory of his name being called. The elevator ride with Temple Jones. The talk in the hallway with Bette. The train ride over with Stella and Aranica. Never alone in death, but right now he's alone. The eleven plastered to his skin as he swings his axe into Hellion and Eve. The threatening cry of mutts and his determination to let Lars get away. Death.

Everyone has a story where it starts and where it ends.

A performance to perform and Carter's had been cut short.

No aces up his sleeve, only pain and the sight of Mitchell Laws in the end.

Carter Laws was born to live. Always been told so by his family. Mitchell had told him it before he left for the arena. A boy who meant to live, but was now dead, or at least he thinks he is. The problem of all of this was fate had other plans. If Carter Laws believed death was the only god, he would be wrong. Fate's strings aren't done with him. Lifting him up, he breaks out into a quick cough as the room of sterile walls fills his vision.

Fate had picked Carter Laws to be born to live.

And live is what he does.

Panic fills his vision as the room swirls with a new silence he doesn't remember. Muffled words and a room that spins. Eyes glance down to his chest to see large bandages wrapped around him with the echo of a pain there. Panic set into his skin as he remembers the spear that had gone through there. Dead. He was supposed to be dead. Eyes glance up at the walls of the place and the silence that fills him. Mitchell Laws had been with him. A silence as he doesn't move, but he stares blankly at the wall letting it sit in.

Alive.

He was alive.

But why?

Too many questions with no answers, so instead he waits for a moment letting his breath catch and the pain fill him with the remembrance of life. There's no reason to take in his surroundings when he knows it's like the training center. Had it all been a dream? Every single thing that happened, it couldn't have. The bandages prove that he had been in the arena. Why was he alive? What did they want with him? A silence fills him as he doesn't dare speak because if he's in the capitol, something had to be wrong. Maybe they wanted him to suffer. Had Mitchell Laws been revived and tortured? He can't breath now, the panic attack sets him back to unconsciousness as he lets the blackness take over.

Carter Laws was born to live.

Another ace up someone else's sleeve.

At what cost was life though.

Deep down, Carter regrets the feeling, but he can hear it in his head loud and clear.

I should be dead.

It would have been enough.

I finally feel okay
in the pouring rain
you say 'leave from the fog
inside my head'

song: rain