my running feet could fly, [Eve's Beginning]

Gone are the days of begging
The days of theft
No more gasping for a breath

Please don’t give up.

As the light returns and a flurry of hands press over my body, I don’t… feel. On another world, I am aware of the sensation of falling. A single thought echoes, and I can’t seem to get it out of my head.

Please don’t give up.

Please don’t give up.

It’s not life if you’re not aware of it happening, so it must be death. My subconscious dreams mix with a reality that’s too far away to feel. There is no sight on this world, this end place, this next step.

No sound.

No smell.

No taste.

Just.. pressure. There’s a feeling of feather-light touches on my skin, every nudge a gentle reminder,

but I’m not sure what they’re reminding me of.

There’s a disconnect between the here and now, and my thoughts stay drowned in a loop of memory.

The dreams don’t hurt, because nothing can hurt in death.

.I see so many lovely faces. If my heart hadn’t given up, out there in another world, it might burst from all the love.

My Mom and my Dad, gently holding hands, smiling at each other with such warmth.

Raxar, my brother, standing next to a pile of books with a sheepish smile.

My cat, Potato Chip, lounging in front of the fire.

Wander, smiling so widely and so kindly, pushing a shopping cart that’s adorned with colorful flags.

Temple, sliding along on her skateboard, cool as ever, as if absolutely nothing in the world can touch her.

Bette, steadfast and creative, building a shiny new bike for the four of us, this one made of metal.

Lex and Denali, arm-in-arm, eyes glued to each other, enamored and silently planning something mischievous.

Yusei, standing tall and proud and happy next to a girl I’ve never met.

When I see the faces, I begin to feel the world around me. No longer am I confined to the pressure of those ghostly hands over my skin. Things start to turn. My heart rate picks up in my chest, a steady thundering -- curious, that it should feel so real -- and the nudges against my skin don’t feel like gentle kisses anymore.

I notice, for the first time, a pain in my arm. A twinge of something small in the crook of my elbow, almost like a needle.

The scent comes back. Something harsh and chemical, and it burns my nose.

There’s…

There’s a taste of plastic, of something tucked against my tongue.

I hold on to the faces.

Mom. Dad. Raxar. Potato Chip. Wander. Temple. Bette. Lex. Denali. Yusei.

I hold on to them as I’m pulled away from the painless world, snapped into something new.

I think--

I worry--

.It might last forever.

And then I hear it. The beeping, the whirring, the wheezing.

”I think she’s starting to wake. She was mumbling something. Names, I think.”

The hands aren’t warm or gentle. They’re covered in what feels like latex, and they’re cold against my skin.

Everything… is so.. cold.

Everything… was so cold.

The image that passes in front of my eyes next:

the blood,

the hands wrapped in mine,

the flag,

the end….



I scream,

except--

except I can’t--



When my eyes open, the world is foggy.

It’s like that day with the bats, all topsy-turvy, everything lost in that unsteady pool of chemicals swimming in my brain.

I see the world in front of me--

There’s a tube, and a machine, and my breaths aren’t mine.

I lift a hand, trying to feel real again, and my thumb looks incorrect.

When the machine whirs, it pushes air into my aching lungs.



I’m alive.

Somehow.

This much I know.



It doesn’t feel like it, though.

I can’t move or speak or breathe on my own.

And the meds--

The.. anesthesia..

(I know things. I’m from District Two.)

The anesthesia takes a long time to wear off, but when it does, they tell me what I need to know.




I start to cry.

It’s so…

so.. vague..

The tube is down my throat

and I can’t say what I want to say,

ask the question burning in my gut,

so even though it hurts,

even though my body doesn’t work quite right anymore,

I lift my arms furiously, making a motion with my hands

a scribbling motion,

and someone here understands, because they bring me a pencil and a piece of paper.

My thumb.. doesn’t work so well anymore. I can’t hold the pencil right, and it takes me a long time to get the words written down.

”Just Wander and Yusei, right now. The others are still fighting.”




All of my breaths are done by machine.

Breathe in,

Breathe out.

All of my breaths,

all of my words,

gone.

There’s one thing they can’t take from me, not anymore.





With the pain in my cheek,

with the contraption hooked up to my airway,

with nothing but hope,

I smile.

I have this breath and I hold it tight
And I keep it in my chest with all my might
I pray to god this breath will last
As it pushes past my lips
As I...
Gasp,
Gasp.