Kieran Grimes // D3 // FIN

. kieran grimes ♔ 18 ♔ district 3 .

i hear her call my name.

the voice squeezes through the gaps in the floorboards, penetrates the walls. she fills the silence and yet, she falls on deaf ears--but i am the only one who receives her words.

too long, she's been gone for too long. nothing to me is more tragic than when her field trip had gone wrong.

"...six years," i whisper to myself.

"yes, six years," confirms she.

a chill down my spine.

her clock was melted and she was lost in time, but her soul found its way back to me.

"you should get up."

and so i do.

hands rub at narrow eyes, run through short, dark hair. thin frame rises and walks towards the bathroom, steps into the shower. hot water meets ivory skin and--

("mom, mom, mom! can you sign my permission slip, please?"

dark gaze flicks up from lines of text in my lap. she hurries over to her in the kitchen, who was stirring essence in a pot, waving a pen and the sheet in question around with frantic excitement.

"sure, honey. what's it for?"

"we're gonna go to the DeskLabs computer factory this friday!")

a void had formed within my gut.

i feel it all over again, a bottomless pit with an  i  t  c  h  . it was something fierce, and seemingly unexplainable...but the conclusion was linear.

she wasn't supposed to go.

a drop rolls down sharp cheekbones and i sigh, head resting against the tile.

i'm not sure why, but i've always been sensitive to this sort of nature. i've heard dad tell me how sometimes when i was young, i'd be fixated on certain areas of the house with purpose. shivering orbs of light, other times speaking to the air.

though they never had me checked out, and it eventually stopped, the fact remained: they were scared of my connection to the unknown, but i wasn't. and i think that statement still holds true to this day.

is that why...?

"i'd think so. how else would you be hearing me right now?"

i should've told her.

i didn't speak up about it, and never did even after the fact...but i should've told her.

she wouldn't have--

("kieran grimes, please come to the office."

lunchtime.

alone with the remnants of my food and my thoughts, i toss the tray's contents away and place it on a pile before heading there.

hesitant steps into the building, i'm greeted with a broken, familiar stare.

"dad? w-what's wron--"

"i'm taking you home early."

"what? why?"

"come on.")

the flow halts.

cold feet are back upon carpeting and i pull out dresser drawers, trying to concentrate on the pace of my breathing instead as i get ready for the day.

a break of peace more like a mere pause.

i end up slamming one of the compartments closed, enough force within toppling down an artifact from atop the furniture's surface. i take it in my hands and it's--

(he was with haste and of long strides.

i struggled to keep up with him, the stretch of darkness returning in my stomach and threatening to swallow me whole from the inside out as we further approached the moment of truth, and i would finally be answered.

a hospital comes into view, and my sense of hearing turns distorted.)

footsteps. his voice, the sounds of machinery and equipment...they all were suddenly so far away.

whispers had taken their place, manifesting from the depths of nowhere and they scraped against the back of my skull, my hands were trembling. they went to cover my ears but it only intensified their indistinct mutterings, until they stop altogether when we turn into a room and see...

when what we see is...

"kiki...it's okay."

but it wasn't.

i was of reaping age when i saw my younger sister, julissa grimes, unresponsive in a white bed and with severe burns.

she was only 10 years old.

mom was by her side, crying her heart out as she held one of her hands.

on the day of the trip, there was a major malfunction, ripping a hole into the facility and framing it with flames. she was apparently in the goddamn bathroom when it happened, but nobody could come get her in time before she came out face-to-face with the chaos herself, and another explosion.

in her other arm was a small white teddy bear, nose pink as was its heart-shaped chest.

her favorite toy.

i knocked it off the dresser and here it is again, looking me dead in the eyes.

my breath shivers, and before i know it, a splash upon its cheek.

"...sorry," i say.

"kiki, it's not your fault! it was never your fault, please don't be sorry..."

closing my eyes and letting the sadness go, i hold the animal to my chest. "i'm so sorry."

"kiki, please..."

sorry.

(nighttime.

i was walking back home with dad, while mom stayed behind.

"...why did that happen to her, dad?"

silence.

"dad, why? why did she...why did she have to get hurt?"

he exhales now, before turning to me.

"...i wish i knew, kieran."

that was the first time i'd ever seen him start crying.

"i wish i knew.")

it's a saturday morning.

now clothed and with a cup of water in my hand, i come out into the hall and make my way over to the door that used to hold her room. the knob turns, and instead of her belongings, i now see colors.

they weren't bright, but definitely bold. they were dripping, smeared, splatted on canvases, coming together into the shapes of bones. shadows. ghosts, beasts, strange figures with roses and human hearts. a couple pieces i was especially proud of were framed on the walls, but most lay against them at the floor, under those works.

i sit on a stool in front of an easel, a clean piece of cloth already set up. grabbing a brush and my colors, i quickly swirl the hairs into the cup and get to work.

this world was full of ugly sights, and unfair occurrences...but that's why i do this.

to turn them into something more beautiful and worthwhile.

and that's what i'll keep doing until the end of my days, until they stop speaking to me from beyond their graves...

"i love you, kieran."

...until i finish carrying the guilt over her demise to my own.

"i love you too."