Lola Lillabelle-Laws | D12 {FIN}

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"I learned at a real young age
if I sat down and pouted,
I'd be there for days"

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When I was a very young girl, I learned to appreciate what I did have, rather than what I didn't. My birth parents were very poor, and I was lucky to get more than a couple of slices of bread for dinner on any given night. Starting out in my life, I was very pessimistic. I thought that, for lack of a better way to put it, everything was shit and would be for the remainder of my life. When I was four years old, my parents learned that they couldn't afford to take care of a child, and everything felt like it was crashing down in front of me. I was taken in by the Laws family, however, and everything turned around quickly.

Sure, the Laws family may not have been the most wealthy people in the District, but they have kind hearts, and they were more suited to take care of me than my birth parents were, even if I didn't want to believe it at first. For the first year or so, I was very reluctant to listen to what people told me, saying that everything was going to be okay. When I finally learned that everything was actually going to be okay, though, my pessimism turned into optimism. Now, I'm one of the most positive and optimistic people that I've ever encountered.

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"Smile big when they hold that shit against you,
sad people can't imagine
what I've been through"

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If someday you see a dark haired, dark eyed girl walking down the street with a big smile on her face for seemingly no reason, don't be surprised, because that's just how I am. If I don't see the positive in things, I don't enjoy life as much. If I were to look for the negative, I'd be miserable again, and I don't want to live my life that way. Sure, I've experienced living life with little to nothing. Sure, I've experienced loss. Hell, I've lost a bunch of family members in the Laws family, and yes, it hurts, but I won't let that ruin my life. I can't.

I dress in a way that makes me feel good; a way that makes me feel pretty because it makes me happy when I feel that way. I'll do whatever I can to feel happy. It can be tough sometimes, sure. I have trouble with negativity. People who sit around and pout or complain all day make things difficult when it comes to staying positive, as negativity can rub off on others around you. That's part of why I try to be so positive. I want others to feel good, too. I think that the toughest part of dealing with negative people is that sometimes is brings out the bad in me. It makes me want to snap, but I try to cover up that urge. I try not to yell out. I try not to let the bad parts of me show. One of the few things that will make me snap for sure, though, is if someone hurts someone I care about. I like to be positive, but that makes it difficult.

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"I won't apologize
for being positive,
I'll no longer explain myself to novices"

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People will sometimes tell me that I'm too positive. They ask me why I'm that way when there's so many shitty things in our world, like the Games, and I used to explain it to them. I used to tell them that it was because I want to live a life that makes me feel good. I stopped explaining it to them, though. I don't just do it to live a life that makes me feel good, though. I also do it to cover up the pain. I choose to be happy because it stops me from being a lump of sadness, lying in my bed all day. That's surely how I'd be if I weren't actively trying to be optimistic all the time.

When I try to think of the good things in my life, I think of things like the Laws family, and what good care they've taken of me. I also think of my birth parents and how hard they tried. I think of how difficult it must have been for them to give me up, but that they did it anyway, knowing deep down that it was the best that they could do for me. Throughout my school years, I was a good student, always doing well in classes, which felt quite rewarding. Now, I have a job that makes me quite happy. I help others. I'm a self-employed nurse, helping others in any way I can. I use plants and the medicines I make from them to help the sick and injured, which makes me feel good about who I am. If I can help others, it makes me happy with myself.

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"So pardon me if I wanna crack a joke,
rather than sit around
and point at holes in my boat"

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I love to joke around and have fun. If I can make a situation better by cracking a joke, I will. I'd much rather make people laugh than see tears streaming down their faces. Any time I can cause laughter and happiness is a good time to me. I've been told I'm rather funny, and people are sometimes surprised at my occasional dark jokes, due to how positive I am, but honestly, I feel that I'm just making light of bad situations if I make a dark joke. Sometimes my jokes are making fun of myself, which seems to surprise people, too, but I feel that I can still be a positive person and point out some of the things about myself that can be made into jokes.

All in all, my life is pretty good, but only because I decide to make it that way. I don't need people's permission to be happy. I don't need people's permission to live a good life or to be who I am. People can try to tell me how to live my life, but I decide for myself instead. I'm not afraid to be a confident and happy person. The Laws family has helped me realize that.

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"Put it on my grave
that I went out laughing, dancing,
only way to celebrate the madness"

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lyrics: "Permission" by Prof