The Fall ||| Contaminated - [nell/day4]

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cameron
Retired Staff

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last seen Jun 12, 2020 10:26:24 GMT -5

MY SHIT IS TOGETHER - Shy Aubergine

The Fall ||| Contaminated - [nell/day4] Jul 13, 2019 8:29:21 GMT -5

Quote

Post by cameron on Jul 13, 2019 8:29:21 GMT -5

nell cyprus

keep counting your gold
cause it's all your fault losing what you hold

I fly before the cannon sounds. I can’t watch her fall. My eyelids mash together. I think my skin twitches. I am shaking all over. Everywhere but my thumb. It holds firm to button. The boom breaks me. I feel my spine crack and my head fills with ice.

I didn’t choose her, and she died.

Even though she was outnumbered. Even though Dusty was holding her own. I leapt for the redhead’s survival. Not hers. Not Sky’s.

Sky made eggs for me. The first night in the capital. Now she is dead. Now she is dead. My mouth feels heavy. Words taste bitter. I swallow. She’s dead because of me. No. She’s dead because those punks ganged up on her. Fifteen and frail is a much easier target than seventeen and supple. They are cowards. Cowards.

And what am I but a coward, too. I ran. I left them both behind. Left Dusty to fend for herself. Left Sky to die alone.

I don’t realize I’ve moved my thumb till too late. I fall.

song title/lyrics: banks - the fall

cameron
Retired Staff

1,837 POSTS
Pronouns: all spoken with respect
last seen Jun 12, 2020 10:26:24 GMT -5

MY SHIT IS TOGETHER - Shy Aubergine

The Fall ||| Contaminated - [nell/day4] Jul 13, 2019 8:33:15 GMT -5

Quote

Post by cameron on Jul 13, 2019 8:33:15 GMT -5

nell cyprus

and I wish I could change it
and we're always gonna be contaminated

Clouded eyes lead me into the wall of a house. I hit hard. Feel the air escape my lungs, the tightening of my chest, the pain. My body begins to peel from the house.

This is why I have to stay away from Dusty. I am a nuisance. I am a disaster. I am nobody’s friend but the sadists. Who could probably get off reveling in the wreckage of me.

”You still have more to do,” I hear my mom say, but that’s just me.

It’s just me.

I’m the voice of my mother, her frozen presence always breathing down my neck. She’s dead. My mom is dead. Like Raisins, and Sky. They can’t speak to me. They can’t prophecy my future. “Fuck you, Mom,” I say, falling to the floor, which is the ceiling. Rooftops watch my descent. At the last second, I press the button and land with more of a thud than a kerplat. I am the reason she died, too.

At least she didn’t die alone. I was there.

I was there.

I slide to the ground and cradle my face in my arms. I was there. I am there. I am. ”Cornell, do not go to that dark place in your-” but it’s too late, Doc. It’s too late. I’m there.

”That was a big oof, wasn’t it?”

”It’s just you….. And me.”

”You are sick, Cornell, not contaminated.”

Too many voices. Too much going on. I shake till fists lash out, punching air. Hair hangs in my face. A veil from the cameras as lungs rattle against chest, tin can along jail bars. Breaths are wild, fast, irregular. Everything is irregular.

I am contaminated.

I can’t change it. I am always going to be. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here. I should have died day one, given Dusty and Sky a fair shot out from my shadow. I am dark and rotten and it hurt them.

My hand wavers above the hilt of my sword. Contamination should be expelled from the world. Eradicated. In one motion I rip it out and smash it into the ground, again and again and again and again. I am still smashing when nothing’s left but the handle.

and oh, I know what we need
you start letting me go

nell flees the area
song title/lyrics: banks - contaminated

cameron
Retired Staff

1,837 POSTS
Pronouns: all spoken with respect
last seen Jun 12, 2020 10:26:24 GMT -5

MY SHIT IS TOGETHER - Shy Aubergine

The Fall ||| Contaminated - [nell/day4] Jul 13, 2019 13:20:08 GMT -5

Quote

Post by cameron on Jul 13, 2019 13:20:08 GMT -5

nell cyprus

What was left of my sword presses into my palm until the feeling returns to my soul and thoughts swim back in my head. I blink twice before nerves scream to life, the gash in my hand overflowing. Red streams down, splashing back on my coat, on my shoes. I drop the shard.

Another scar. Another mark against. The skin on my thighs bristles in remembrance. Maybe in nostalgia. I am just as naked now as I was with Ike on the chariots.

As I run away I swear the last glint of sword follows me. Dances after me. Drawn to my pain.

My pain belongs to no one but me.

and oh, I know what we need
you start letting me go

nell enters this thread