escapism [cole's death thread]

I'm scared. I don't want to die.

"Fuck the theatrics, then. Let's finish it."

I can't die. I have to save Liam. I don't want to lose him.

The universe spills in the form of dark red blood from a stomach where the anger fades in a wave of realization. Death. Dying words on the tip of his tongue, but he's already dying from the lose of blood where bruises once were. Eyes glossing over with the black substance upon his hands, the leg residing on the ground where it'll lay forever. A little creature scooting into his pocket as he falls with the sound of the world booming in the distance. Anger washing away from a dead boy's face as he huffs in pain, blood stained teeth and heavy cuts upon his neck and stomach.

So this was death.

Not some scalpel cutting into flesh, breaking bones in order to retrieve healthy organs. No, this was the burning flame of a pain he's never experienced, not even in Hailsham academy. The fear of the academy's truth was nothing compared to the burning sensation of his wounds, until numbness sets in barely. Forcing his own clothes tighter around his wounds, trying to stifle the bleeding, but he's leaning against a tree where he remembers a pool of his own blood below. Death wasn't like some righteous act of being sold to someone else as if he were just a waste of air.

At least, he got to choose to fuck them over.

Words are spoken, but he can't hear them anymore. A chaos of fury in them and the appearance of a creamy piece of something falling to the ground. Praying it was something more than someone else. A painful chuckle leaves his throat as he can feel his vision swirling and the way he's leaning begins to falter until he's sliding his back against the tree, mixing skin and cloth with the black substance. Digging himself deeper in the hole of his own mind as he can hear Torren shout over the chaos, no words making sense to his feeble brain. A whisper of his own pain there. A whisper of Cole's own death heavy in his features as Cole almost smiles up at the guy.

He wasn't going to die alone.

Heaviness of his body as Torren lifts him up and the warmth of the career's body echoing onto his colder one made the death ever so more real to him. A chill biting at the edge of his fingertips as Cole relaxes the best he can while dying into those arms, trying to remember all of the hatred disappearing from his body. The tension of life just vanishing as he's reminded of what he's losing and what will be gone. A figment of himself left behind in the form of a broken twin and a Hailsham Academy tribute. They'll laugh at his failure of a games with bated breaths and disappointing eyes. Once a promising career, but now he'll be nothing more than a fleeting thought. A fleeting memory of a kid with everything and nothing to lose.

I don't want to die to them.

Torren sets him down somewhere different, where he can barely make out the sky, but it's there. The warmth gone from his skin, the air feels different here with a sudden chill, but he's warmer than he's ever been. Never having anyone who were friends or even people who cared a little about him besides his own blood. The waiting for the warmth to swallow him whole was going to be unbearable. The heaviness of his personal journal in a pocket hidden away from others, he can tell what he's wishing he had done. A fire burning the black ink of a dead man who will never see his work being given to the public.

The world didn't need to know how Cole Hailsham felt.

The capitol wouldn't allow it anyways.

Instead, they'd paint him out to be nothing more than a waste of entertainment.

The witch and the immortal must be upon their pedestals' laughing down at him. A moment of silence as the world spins for a moment and the sky glows with a blue he's never seen before. The tree behind him almost feeling exactly like the one at Hailsham academy. A hand over his stomach and his other stabilizing him on the ground. Once settled, he reaches for his personal journal, ripping pages out, letting the sound of something else tearing give way to the sound of his own flesh having torn.

Blood will have to do.

Fingers writing upon the blank pages that didn't have anything else upon them. Hailsham Academy had done this to him. Tore his emotions apart and forced his hand in order to save Liam. Except, he's not like the others. The strength wasn't there. He didn't have Bell's words, he didn't have Rose's confidence, nor Roan's mind, nor Jane's grace, nor Raja's strength, nor Gwen's intelligence, nor Wade's kindness, nor Juno's care, nor Beck's skill, nor Luke's friendliness, and he would never be as loving as Liam. Regret written upon his lips, but he's got one thing many of them never had. The bravery to fight for them all. The bravery to push on as if the world could change in his fingertips.

Hailsham wouldn't take away their souls.

Cole wouldn't let them.

"Liam."

A moment of thought.

"Please forgive me."

The work is done. Leaving it by his side, hoping the cameras will reach it and see the truth. A chuckle as he spits blood out from his lips. Red coated skin and heavy eyes, he focuses back on the group around him. Sapphire, the strongest of them all, despite not being a career. Surprising to him, despite the fact he knew seven created strong tributes. Reyes, he may have weaknesses, but there's strength in those eyes, a mind to match Cole's own, maybe even better than his. Torren, a career, but one with his own sufferings, stronger than the first time he met him. They may not all consider one another friends, but they're the closest Cole's ever had to friends. Hailsham was lonelier as he didn't want to make any friends when death loomed over their shoulders, wanting their organs for the rich.

A red vision of more blood and heartache fills his senses. There's pain behind his stomach, but he stares for a long time at no one in particular, letting his own mind fill the space as he feels the world fading with his own touch. Life was complicated in the way the universe functioned. There's so much more that he had to give, but his time was up. He's nothing more than a corpse, spouting his last death wishes to the sky. No one would keep them.

Every career knew it was useless to beg for more in life.

No one fulfills their promises, but he could hope for once in them.

Hope that Liam would be safe.

Hope that the world would finally fix it's broken self for once.

"Sapphire."

Blood coated teeth and a hard rasp to his voice.

"Guess I should have listened to my own advice."

A small painful laugh escapes his chest. The air feels heavier as he stares into the green grass and listens to the sound of leaves gently blowing. A slight crunch to the sound they make as he feels the chill of the wind on his skin, a feeling he'll lose sooner or later. He wants to tell them all how much they meant to him, but he wasn't going to be like one of those pathetic tributes. He didn't want to be like them. Cole was supposed to be stronger than them, but here he is. Ready to shout his heart to the world for the first time. The words of the journal that he's written over and over for years popping in his head.

I don't want to die.

"Overthought my way to the arena, thinking I'd be free from the academy."

A painful chuckle.

"I volunteered because my brother and I would have died in two years there."

A pause.

"T-They harvest the organs once you're considered an adult."

Organs that he'll lose once he's back in four. Organs that will never beat for them if he has it his way. One of the Hailshams better make sure of it. No one deserved his heart. A silence in his own head as he blinks at the sky and the trees, hoping for a better place after this one. Hoping for Sapphire to find some peace whether she makes it out or doesn't.

"Thought I could come up with a plan to save my twin. Thought if I won I could be savior for once, instead of the villain people wanted to paint me into."

Seconds pass or maybe they were minutes, he couldn't tell anymore. Fingers holding loosely to what he can to keep the blood from coming out faster. He wanted his final moments to be slow, to be torturous, to be the suffering he deserved after failing them all. Torren looks broken in a way that Cole feels is his own fault. Where once smiles and teasing resided, now holds something more, something deeper that is unreadable. A silence as he waits for something more to say. Something that's more meaningful than a teasing word, but all he can do is smile with a painful feeling in what was missing and what was there.

"Torren. I guess you were the better career."

A chuckle on the tips of his lips.

"Don't go getting too big of an ego there, alright."

Eyes staring at the career, who had words of amusement on his lips for the past few days. The first person he really felt was a friend all the way through, despite them knowing the truth about careers. A reality he never expected between all the deep red blood and blackened words thrown at each other. A silence fills him as he lets himself feel heavier and heavier. A smile on his lips and the world spinning a little faster than before. The haze around the edges of his vision becoming darker and darker as he tries to stay focused.

"Don't forget,"

A serious glare underlying the pain in his features.

"kill the fucker for me."

A breeze of wind strikes even colder than before. Leaves dancing in the wind as the kodama snuggles closer for one last time to Cole. The world wouldn't have him anymore. He didn't want to die. He didn't want Liam to live without him. Tears almost break away, but he doesn't dare let them fall. Hailshams were strong. Stronger than their emotions. They tried to break him and make him into the perfect career. Cole wasn't strong like the rest of them. He was not a career. He was just himself, a boy who didn't want to die in a world that wanted him dead. A grave set in grey metal where they'll keep his body from decomposing, stealing the functioning organs away from him.

The only place he deserved to be was under the tree, where his ashes would be left with the reminder of the burnt papers in his fireplace.

"O-One last kiss, Torren, just to taste a world."

A silence.

"A world I'll never get to see."

Reyes. Standing there with an unusual presence, he's never seen. Smarter than he seemed, Cole's been watching him since they've been in the arena. Unreadable at times, but has the snark to make up for not being a career. The one to lead them to the empty town of nothingness where they spent the night looking up to the stars, counting their blessings for winning wealth. The cause to his death, but there's no going back now. A frozen moment in time where the excitement and adrenaline mixed with victory, but all that's left is his body trying to leave and himself fighting for control to stay.

"Reyes."

Blood coated fingers and red stained pages.

"Hope the cannon was worth it."

A dumb smirk as he remembers the words Reyes had said in the heat of the chaos. Wanting the fight to end already, but none of them thought it would be him. Or maybe they had, but Cole knew he didn't think it would be him. A friendly smile as he resides himself to waiting there in the cold. The world was fading more and more from his vision, the feeling of pain turning into a numbness that would vanish once he succumbs to the wounds upon his body.

"Good luck."

For a moment, he closes his eyes, ready to leave from this world. Hoping and waiting for the moment for his heart to stop and the world to finally laugh at him. His allies to not care anymore about him. He'll be nothing more than a fleeting thought of what they'd give to survive. If anything, they'll forget about him and one of them had to make it home. One of them could save Liam. One of them could do the impossible if needed. His eyes remained closed until he can hear the footsteps of Bell Hailsham, rushing forward to him. Something in the way he opens his eyes and can tell there's something different behind them.

Did Bell Fucking Hailsham care?

He didn't know.

"Uh, hey."

A pitiful laugh escapes his throat.

"You aren't supposed to be here or see me like this."

Pirates weren't meant to care about one another. She had been the captain of them. The true stronger of the two of them behind the Hailsham tributes. Instead, he can tell she's different. Something's different in the way she is. Almost as if she were actually feeling something. A silence fills him as he holds himself steady for a moment. The clouds covering his empty head and filling him with the stuffed feeling of speechlessness. If he could give all of what he was to just stay alive for a bit longer, he would. Bell Hailsham was his only chance.

The only person who could truly rescue Liam and save the Hailshams from their doom.

"Please"

Tears on his face as he tries to grab her. Bloody fingers mixing with fabric as he feels his own head fill with the thoughts of the past. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave behind his brother. He didn't want his brother to succumb to his fate. Liam deserved to live longer than him. A life meant for him where he'd have a family and move on from Cole. Bell could help them find that. Bell could tear down the bricks of Hailsham academy and change it into a real place. A real paradise for those who needed it, but right now he's begging her.

"y-you have to save my brother, Bell."

Tears mixing with crimson.

"F-Fuck, you have to save them all. Warn them all. Fuck."

Begging for the only thing he wanted.

"N-None of them deserve to die."

Silence.

"Save Liam. Please."

The numbness was spreading farther and farther through his body. The panic in his voice finally matching the panicked words of his journal for the first time in forever. The worry in his skin as he feels the castle of cards crashing over and over again. Death was near. He was going to die. He didn't want to die.

Save me, please. I don't want to die.

"I don't want to d-..."

His lungs give out as he feels the air leave his body. The world spins as the black fades into his vision. Papers covered in red handwriting of a boy who will be long forgotten. A fleeting memory of what once was. A savior in his own eyes, but a coward in the eyes of others. Fingers fall as does his body, limp against the tree were a breeze blows across his face, cold and soft, caressing him in the full feeling of death.

Hailsham is not what it seems.

Red blood, cold skin, and empty eyes.

There's a secret behind those walls.

Empty halls, broken flesh, and forgotten dreams.

No one escapes Hailsham Academy.