unsent letters, part ii. | paisley [&carter]

This was stupid.

She clutched the letters unsent in her fingertips, paper creaing slightly under her balmy touch. Nerves flittered in her chest as the machines whirled to life and she whispered "Eightieth, Twelve male."

There he was. Young, like on the television screen, but older than the boy in her memories. It was him, though. There was no denying him. Carter: from her dreams and the Capitol snow. Carter, the boy at the top of her secret letters.

He wasn't real, and yet he was, and Paisley found herself unable to speak from the shock of his presence.

"Um, uh... hi, I, erm... I'm Paisley."

She shuffled in her place, shoes squeaking nervously on the polished floors. To her right someone coughed, to her left someone laughed - it felt like everyone was watching her. Listening to her. Desperate to steal her silly little secrets.

"D.. do you remember me? Doesn't matter, erm... I wrote you these, so," she gestured to the letters, whispering as they moved with her hand, "I guess I'll start."

"Hey,

Remember me? It's Paisley. Paisley Hart - sorry, I just told you that, uhhh - we met in the Capitol when we were kids, remember? On the big trip. I had curly blonde hair, I still do."

She smiled at that, lifting her hand to curl a strand nervously around her index finger as she read.

"But I don't blame you if you don't remember. I saw you in the fog and the snow and I thought 'I've seen that boy in my dreams before' and I said 'I know you' and I told you about my dreams. We were in a statue garden - in my dreams, and there. Remember?"

Looking up from her sheets, she caught Carter's eyes and gnawed on her lip. This was mortifying. With every word she spoke, every twitch or thud behind her, her voice got quieter and quieter from fear and shame.

Clearing her throat, she continued - hands shaking ever so slightly.

"I don't blame you if you don't. - Remember me, that is. - Anyway, hi. I hope you're okay. I watched you on tv. Watched you die. I was rooting for you. Don't tell poppy - that's my sister - but I cried a little when you went. You were kinda a link to her. And then you died, like her. At least you came back-"

Her voice cracked at the mention of Sam, wanting desperately to switch the hologram back to her sister. But she had a job to do, and it was only right that her letters be delivered. Even if it was just to a faux impression of Carter Laws.

"Sorry," and she laughed at this, remembering being thirteen and useless with her words. "This is a bit random. I just wanted to check up on you. See if you were... Okay. You know, after dying. What was that like, coming back? That's invasive, isn't it, sorry. Poppy tells me not to ask invasive questions, says it's rude. I'm working on it. I'm working on a lot of things.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, you're not even gonna read thi-

Hi, I'm back, sorry. Fell asleep. I guess I should finish up here. How are you?

I hope you're okay. But it's okay if you're not okay. I'm not okay.

Not ever."

Paisley sighed, her last two words barely a whisper, and there were tears in her eyes now but she blinked them away.

"So," she asked. "Are you okay, Carter Laws?"