we walk among ghosts . elegant . blitz

f i n n .

"i was
alone
anyways"

Meredith died yesterday and it's as if she never existed here.

I woke up this morning and all of her belongings were gone, tied up in a trash bag and dumped in the bin for the morning pick up I bet.

She existed though, I checked her chair in the ceremonial room for her name and there it was, scratched into the wood and stricken through. My hand still hurts but maybe a little bit less thanks to Meredith's care, though I can't wrap my hand into a fist yet. The pain is sort of good, grounding.

I don't miss her.

I tried to, I wanted to just because the old me would have but after a year of living under this roof things feel different. Maybe less close. Everything that happens to me is one hundred miles away down a long hall and I can barely make it out.

The training grounds are quiet for once with a distinct lack of Vincent. I stop for a moment to catch my breath and rest my head against my knees. I worry that Meredith died thinking she was unloved and I know it's stupid but it's all I can think about. I don't want to die like that but I'm going to, I'm a Strauss.

I'm so hungry. Breakfast feels like it was hours ago and lunch should be wrapped and waiting in the fridge anyway by now. The Strauss diet is regimented, we eat what we're given and it's all to ensure proper muscle growth. No one notices me leave or they just don't care which suits me fine. The kitchen door is already open, the smell of eggs from breakfast is still in the air. Sunlight shines in through the open door onto the wooden kitchen table and there's a girl in front of the fridge.

There's a girl in front of the fridge.

Of course, they wouldn't have wasted any time after Meredith. I don't even have the decency to feel bad about it. If anything, maybe I feel bad for her. This girl has no idea what she's in for. I reach into the fridge past her and grab the sandwich tagged with my name.

My movement sets her off and I watch her, a new thing. She's shy, stuttering, too fresh for this place and I feel pity. They're going to break her so easy, almost as easy as they broke me.

"Finn," I say as I unwrap my food, "Tuna." I hand her half and sit down at the kitchen table, eyes on the back door. God, I can't even remember what it was like anymore, walking in here new. It was so long ago now.

"You from Tania's or The Home?" I ask.