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robot. | lenox, day 6
Apr 2, 2021 16:26:49 GMT -5
Post by d4 tati pelotte [azalea] on Apr 2, 2021 16:26:49 GMT -5
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I hold out for Garrison to turn up again. Not because I need him, but because the friendly face would provide some stress relief and might just help ease the ache of my new wounds. The tire fire billows high into the sky and around me, though, and I wait for what feels like forever and am met only by darkness. No figures come from the fray to my side, there's no company for the night, there's not anything.
Maybe this is a lesson I've needed to learn for a long time. Reliance isn't necessary when you believe in yourself, and I guess, there's a part of me that does that now. It's only a small part, but my heart beats for myself now and not as an attempt to push the past further behind me. The shockwaves are contained within my ribcage and they radiate through my body. It's a feeling that is different from adrenaline because I felt that the second I pulled the trigger of my revolver and that safety was temporary. This feeling - it's hard to describe, and it's only small - but it makes me feel strong. It makes me feel unafraid.
And I don't know if that's really what it is because I've never felt either of those things before, but heck, if this is the closest I ever get - that's pretty good for a girl who has called herself dead for the past six years. There's a sense of accomplishment that comes with finally getting over that barrier, but I don't let myself focus on that. It's a tiny victory in the grand scheme of things and the biggest hurdles are still yet to come.
I stand alone with an entire world ahead of me, but I breathe new oxygen and feel my heart again. Yeah, still beating, still kicking, and proving to be a lot stronger than I'd have ever thought. Maybe Diana was right all along. Maybe heart really is the key.
I don't know, though. Heart isn't what made me kill Silk. That was desperation which is probably the most dangerous thing a girl like me could ever have. Because it's turned me into someone I can barely recognise but it has done so in the best way possible. It has hardened me up and forced me to grow a thicker skin. LaChance isn't about brittle bones and crippling fear for me anymore, LaChance means nothing - and man, the power that comes with being nothing is everything.
This nothing is everything I've ever wanted.
Maybe this is a lesson I've needed to learn for a long time. Reliance isn't necessary when you believe in yourself, and I guess, there's a part of me that does that now. It's only a small part, but my heart beats for myself now and not as an attempt to push the past further behind me. The shockwaves are contained within my ribcage and they radiate through my body. It's a feeling that is different from adrenaline because I felt that the second I pulled the trigger of my revolver and that safety was temporary. This feeling - it's hard to describe, and it's only small - but it makes me feel strong. It makes me feel unafraid.
And I don't know if that's really what it is because I've never felt either of those things before, but heck, if this is the closest I ever get - that's pretty good for a girl who has called herself dead for the past six years. There's a sense of accomplishment that comes with finally getting over that barrier, but I don't let myself focus on that. It's a tiny victory in the grand scheme of things and the biggest hurdles are still yet to come.
I stand alone with an entire world ahead of me, but I breathe new oxygen and feel my heart again. Yeah, still beating, still kicking, and proving to be a lot stronger than I'd have ever thought. Maybe Diana was right all along. Maybe heart really is the key.
I don't know, though. Heart isn't what made me kill Silk. That was desperation which is probably the most dangerous thing a girl like me could ever have. Because it's turned me into someone I can barely recognise but it has done so in the best way possible. It has hardened me up and forced me to grow a thicker skin. LaChance isn't about brittle bones and crippling fear for me anymore, LaChance means nothing - and man, the power that comes with being nothing is everything.
This nothing is everything I've ever wanted.
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