it's okay to not be okay {flynn/aurora}

What now exactly? I still have not kept the promise to myself to go to the Keeni house and say something. That something is still being written in my head and I have no idea when it is going to be ready. In a few days? A few weeks? Months? All I can really do now is pay respects at both of their grave sides, in the same place as my predecessors. All those that came before me and shared the train journey with Teddy. There have been a lot. It is no wonder the old man has gone numb to it all. No help.

No help from anyone. I am expected to go back to normal now that I am home, sit and wait for the next victor to roll by for his tour. Sit and wait for the next two tributes that I will be forced to befriend, forced to help and watch die without any control. This is the forfeit. The forfeit for Lorraine, Castor and Lenox.

I have only seen a few of the Dares Club since coming home, I want to get back to school but at the same time I need a break. The Capitol is exhausting and with all the parties that I was able to decline because of my age, it is just going to get more tiring when I get older. Aurora left a note in the mailbox, she wants to meet me at the school this evening. It’s strange how our friendship was formed. I have known all the Dares Club forever, we kind of all just connected to each other since we were able to walk and talk except it was different with Aurora. At first, I wanted to the throw her out of the window of the detention room but now, she is nearly in the same league as Dale, Jodie, Tarquin and the rest.

I am running late; I am meant to meet her at six thirty, but I have no excuse to give. Time just likes to go by fast. I have a grey hooded sweater on, the hood pulled tight over my head as I cannot deal with any calls from across the street. I used to be able to run riot with the club around the streets without a care, now everyone knows my face. Everyone wants to praise or criticise me. Especially now, so close to the finale of a games.

All double doors in the school’s corridors swing back and forth as I slam through them, trying to make up time. My sneakers squeak against the shiny newly cleaned floors as I skid to the door of the meeting room. Before I can catch my balance against the door, it swings open, Aurora right there.

”We need a better meeting place.” I say as I push past her, walking into the room and claiming the teacher’s desk at the front as a place to sit. ”I am okay but Willa isn’t. Robin isn’t. They both have fresh top soil above them right now. And you know what?” I slam a clenched fist on the surface of the desk. I am exhausted of tears; they have run dry. I am on to the next level now, the one where I could flip every desk in this classroom. ”Teddy Ursa doesn’t give a shit!”