Broken Clock (Marik 96th Reactions)
Apr 24, 2024 1:27:12 GMT -5
Post by Cato on Apr 24, 2024 1:27:12 GMT -5
It's hard, standing here in the Capitol watching Xov fight her way through the end of the games. I'm proud of her, I want her to succeed, and I'm hoping that she can. I'm hoping that she somehow survives and makes it home alive, yet everything seems to come crashing down when I feel this way. I hate that I have hope. I hate that I feel myself on edge, and I know that the heartbreak is going to hurt if she doesn't survive. It's hard, and I try not to think of it, but here she is, she's fighting hard, and no matter what happens, I'm so proud of her. I'm proud of how well she's done, how well she's fought, and I want to be able to tell her this. I want to be able to see her and give her a hug. Sometimes I think it's wrong to root for someone to die, but that's the nature of the games, and even though I hate watching death, it's inevitable, and I'm going to cheer for my tribute. District twelve is holding their breath, and I just want them to know I'm holding my breath with them.
But I'm scared. Scared of being hopeful, of being so powerless. It's really up to her to make it out of this at this point, and all I can do is stand here and watch. My mind is racing, and I want nothing more than for this all to end, to see Xov come out victorious, but it hurts. It hurts knowing that I've been in her shoes, I know how hard it is to make it this far in the games. I had to will myself on, to prove to myself that I'm strong, and it didn't even feel like it was enough. Nothing is ever enough, and I hate everything about it. I keep my fingers crossed though. I keep hope that this will turn out in my favor. I pace around the room, and I try to keep myself mind focused. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can do, and it's hard to wrap my head around it. I just want to scream. I want to make things right, to make things happen. I want to see her wake up in the infirmary and start healing. I've worked so hard to get this far, but it doesn't seem like it's going to work out. I'm scared. I want to scream, but that won't do any good.
And then I realize she doesn't kill, and my heart sinks to my feet. I know what's likely going to happen, and now I want nothing more than to wake up from a bad dream. I keep my eyes on the screen hoping and praying for the best, but it doesn't seem as though it's going to work. And then I close my eyes, and I hear a cannon, and I open my eyes peaking through my fingers, and it's not her that's still standing. I drop to my knees, and I try to hold myself together, yet the tears start flowing. I truly believed I would bring someone home. I thought I'd only have to apologize to one family for not doing enough, and now I have to apologize to two. My heart shatters, and I wonder if it'll feel this way every single year. Nothing matters. Nothing makes sense, and I try picking up the pieces. I feel so alone, so afraid, so broken. I thought I'd bring home a victor, and it was stupid of me to feel this way. The games get people hopeful just to pull the rug away.
I slowly pick myself back up, and I head back to my room. I have to start getting ready to go home. I have to start doing what needs to be done to make my journey easier, but it's not going to be easy. Maybe I should get used to this because it's likely going to happen every single year, and I absolutely hate it. Maybe this is the reminder that I'm still stuck inside the games despite wearing a crown. Maybe this is where I fall short. I don't know. I'll never know, and maybe one day, I'll figure it all out. I grab a glass and fill it with water as I slowly make my way to my room, and then I pace around inside before screaming in agony. I thought I would succeed, and I was foolish to think so. I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but it's hard not to. I tried my best, and it wasn't enough. Maybe her family will forgive me because I'll struggle to forgive myself. Maybe in time, but for now, I don't want to do anything except mourn before I have a chance to meet with Lionel and congratulate him on surviving.
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