anderson bon ami {d2} cbd1

My Mom dumped me at an orphanage when I was a baby. Who can blame her, really — barely eighteen when she had me, with my Dad missing and presumed dead after getting through the fence. I sometimes find myself wondering what life would be like if she'd have kept me, and I know it's a form of torture to do that, but doing all these mental gymnastics provides some sort of distraction from the world around me.

Because everything is shit. It's all just... shit. People do shit and they justify their shit with more shittiness and it's just a never-ending cycle of shit. Loyalty doesn't exist in Panem, nor trust, nor real comfort or security — it's a dog eat dog world where a lot of the time, all you have is yourself.

If nobody got me, I got me. I don't want or need anyone else.

I took up training when I was fourteen. Figured I could have some sense knocked into me with a few punches and kicks, give my life meaning through fighting or something, man, I don't know. It didn't work. It's just made me smile with sharper teeth and become even more sceptical of people. I turned myself into a threat and logic says that by default, I'm also a target. So go ahead and shoot me — just know that I'm so goddamn numb, I won't even feel it.

This is what being in care does to a person: it makes them stop.