Post by gm bourgeois decadence [aya] on Sept 26, 2023 20:41:00 GMT -5
Hey everybody! Long time no chat. I've got a quick check-in about what's been going on in my life and why you haven't been getting regular updates from me recently.
Let me preface this by saying with complete sincerity that this is maybe the most annoying thing to every happen to anyone, and it's SO unfair that it's happening to me.
Grandmother is making me get a "real" job, which is stupid because I HAD a real job. She's just taking it away from me as a punishment, which is so stupid because I was really good at it too! Running hotels is easy. You just hang out with guests all day, comp people's dinners, come up with ideas for the occasional gala. And tell people to do stuff. I'm really good at telling people to do stuff. They always say "Yes Miss Decadence, I'll get right on it" and then they go and find the right underlings to boss around, so I don't even have to act mean, which gives you wrinkles. It's called delegating. I'm incredible at it.
So, like, the Champignon Élysées might not be the crown jewel in our hotel empire, but she was my baby. I even named her. Champignon Élysées means Champion of Paradise in, like, romanesque or something. You know, romantic latin. And let me tell you, she IS the champion of paradise. Nothing says paradise more than a foyer with perfectly-bookmatched floor-to-ceiling rose marble. Or the grand staircase with her wrought iron and gilt bronze railing that perfectly frames the chandelier — which is ten tons of swarovski crystal, by the way. You would not believe the fights I had with my electrician about it. She was all, "Miss Decadence, 1,500 lightbulbs require a lot of power" — "Miss Decadence, the ceiling cannot support its weight" — "Miss Decadence, it will be a fire hazard" — ugh! Who cares! Figure it out! Like, that's what I pay you for, right???
Actually, there are things that say paradise more than that. Like the grand salon, with her purple silk ciselé velvet upholstery, carved wood and gold gilt panels, and painted ceiling. The frescoes are amazing, they're all like, classical mythology scenes and iconic Hunger Games moments. And, okay, guilty! I did sneak myself into one of the paintings. A couple of the paintings. What? I look amazing beheading a dragon and I won't apologize for that. Don't be so shocked.
Anyway, that's not the only decadence you'll find at the Champignon Élysées. Ha, see what I did there? But, no, seriously, the inside is opulent, but the rooftop deck is spectacular. She's got an incredible view of the Capitol skyline, which you can admire from her 200 foot infinity pool — I know, I know, she's petit! But what do you expect from a boutique? My concrete guy said that any bigger and the roof wouldn't be able to support the swim-up nightclub, and he was even more annoying than my electrician — "Oh, Miss Decadence, but the pool will collapse into the penthouse!" as if bringing the party downstairs is a problem, are you kidding? — but whatever. I compromised. Which really demonstrates my ability to be a team player, by the way! Like a responsible hotel manager!
But that's my baby. I miss her so much. Grandmother said I had to move out, at least while the litigation is ongoing or whatever, so I don't even get to see her. So unfair. And not just to me! Like, what about my poor staff? Their morale has to be absolute garbage without me hanging around to kid with them. Like, does the stupid interim general manager they hired even have a sense of humor? I bet she doesn't even snap her fingers at the help, like, they won't even know they're supposed to do something and then they'll get fired and that would just be absolutely tragic. Like, they won't even get to say goodbye to me.
It's honestly so dumb that it's even happening in the first place. Like, I didn't even do anything. All I did was not stop a fight at the omelette station during brunch. And place some bets on the fight. And stream the fight. I didn't even win any money, so it's not like it was "unethical" or "a conflict of interest" or whatever. But, like, that's normally FINE! No one cares! Well, my subscribers care, of course — you guys are awesome — but like, no one ever has a problem with it!
Except for this time, I guess. So unlucky. How was I supposed to know that they were like... the second cousin once removed of the minister of something-or-other and the great-nephew of the secretary of, like, imaginary affairs or whatever? If they were important, they should've been dressed better. I don't see how that's my fault. And anyway, it isn't my fault that they, like, stabbed each other over the last helping of beluga caviar — which, ugh, basic much? Like, if anything, blame my brunch staff for making the food too good. Shoutout to my chef — Georgie baby, miss you already! But it's definitely not my fault that some important people got pissed and wanted, like, vengeance or whatever. And now here I am, getting it all taken it out on me!
I can't believe Grandmother would make me an escape goat like that. She wasn't even sympathetic enough to let me take my staff with me. She was all, "Bourgeois, you need to take responsibility for this mess on your own" and lined up a new job for me without even asking. I think she's still punishing me for petting her chinchilla stole during intermission when we attended the opera last month, but like, I was on molly so I don't see how that's my fault either.
So anyway, that's how I got stuck with this new job that's just, ugh, so boring. And so demanding! They kept calling me really early in the morning, going where are you — like, it's eleven? I'm asleep? Duh? And then they'd do it the next day? Like, obviously I was just at work yesterday? You made me go? Why is that so confusing? Ugh.
And to make matters worse I'm supposed to be partners with, ugh, I don't know? A bodyguard or something? Some complete nobody. Not even like... a general. Or like... a fitness influencer? Or anybody that anyone has ever heard of. And he's soooooo serious and boring. Like, relax! Just because we're stuck doing this doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with it! And I'm sorry your grandmother made you take this job too, but that's not my fault so don't take that out on me! Geez!
So, yeah. That's why I've been MIA lately. On the plus side, I've got a cool new project coming your way pretty soon! I'd love to give you some spoilers, but whew, that NDA is ironclad and I'm already in enough trouble with Grandmother as it is. But be sure keep an eye out for more details — and don't forget to like and subscribe so you don't miss anything! Love you babes. Kisses. Mwah!