Do you get deja vu//LKvsRVM vsCCvsM day 4

My world spun slightly as the burn in my throat blazed through my veins, warming me. I had been lying with my face turned to the roof, watching as my world swirled around me, Jimmy's face staring at me from the anthem seared into the back of my eye lids when Antigone and Arcadia had motioned for us to leave. Sighing, I had pushed myself to my feet, fighting the unsteadiness that had me grasping the wall momentarily, before I followed them into that dreadful fucking elevator.

My eyes are squeezed shut tightly, and I clutch the hilt of my machete like a life line as I listen to the gentle hum of the elevator. It was hard to believe that only yesterday that I had stood in nearly the exact same spot, forced to watch as Jimmy was butchered. His blood still stained my fingers, my uniform. I hadn't had it in me to change out of it, his blood a permanent reminder of the fate that awaited me.

Taking a deep breathe I force my eyes to open slightly, taking in the elevator. Instantly I come face to face with Jimmy's lifeless eyes, tears of blood running down his cheeks, mouth parted in a silent cry. Swallowing a scream I push myself against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut so tight that I that a dull ache began to spread across my brow. I curl in around myself, around the blade I clutched between trembling hands, trying to push out the fogginess that was keenly trying to settle within me.

The elevator dings quietly, and instantly I am pushing myself out of the doors, breathing hard as the doors shut quietly behind us. I welcome the kiss of the breeze against my face, and turn my head to the sky for a brief moment to watch the clouds. The last time I had been here, the stars had twinkled down at me, and Vin had fasten a fresh link of flowers around my wrist. I glance down at the bracelet, the petals had begun to wilt around the edges ever so slightly.

Had that really only been last night? It had felt like an eternity had passed since then.

"Stay close," Antigone warns and I focus my gaze on the place between her shoulder blades, following silently, focusing to keep my feet in a straight-line. It's not until she speaks again that I realise we are not alone. "Here we go again,” she breathes and my eyes dart from her back as I peek around her, ”Lil Ness is going to be in for a real treat, you see that giant dickhead over there?” I followed her finger, my eyes landing on Javis and instantly I am reminded of the feeling of his body pinning me to the ground, the feeling of fear and frustration that had surged through me as I become trapped, like a mouse caught between a lions claws, under his body weight and his iron tight grip.

"That one likes to tackle little girls."

"I know him," there is a sharpness in my voice that I hadn't intended, my hands tightening on my blade. However Antigone was already moving, Let’s go show him just how much damage little girls can do. She load her bat across her shoulders, and I see MAIA name flash across my vision, stained in blood, before she swings hard and strong at the boy. A bone breaking crack fills my ears as I watch it land square on his chest, knocking the air from his lungs.

My mouth goes dry as my eyes slice to Antigone, watching her face closely for her reaction-

"Nessa?" I look towards Javi, my hands tightening on the hilt of my machete. "Nessa, what happened to you?" I couldn't quite place exactly what I saw in his eyes as they locked with mine. Concern maybe? Rage, definitely. And pain. So much pain. Something in my own chest seem to give slightly a frown tugging at my brows. The feeling was tight in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. It was panic, interlaced with- pity? Sympathy?

I force myself to break his gaze, flicking my eyes over my shoulder to meet Arcadia's. Nessa, like it or not, you’re going to have to kill somebody if you want to get back home, her words from day one force their way into my brain, and a wave of nausea surges through me- from the drinking, from the decisions that lay before me, from Javi's question and the forced reminder that Jimmy was dead.

I look back towards Javi, what happened?

"Jimmy was killed. I- I could do nothing to help him," my hands tighten on my machete, like it or not, you’re going to have to kill somebody. My face hardens slightly, and I swallow hard. This wasn't like the day before, yesterday I had struck to protect, to save him. But today, now, "I'm sorry."

[coats weapon in poison using vial [1/3]]
[attacks Javi with machete]
|FV6ebrMklsword
[ 3.5 + 2 justice + 1 poison ]

Tigs and Nessa have well and truly slipped over to the clumsy side of tipsy by the time the announcement comes. It’s up to me to keep them both upright as we run down the hallway to the nearest elevator, my fingers frantically jamming buttons as we enter the metallic vault. It didn’t seem very fucking fair that we had to travel twelve entire levels to the rooftop like we’d been instructed, but there’s not any space in my head to complain about it, because Tigs is swaying in place and Nessa is struggling to keep her breathing steady and I guess I should have known they wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. Two girls who hadn’t even heard of a simple party game had no chance of holding even the slightest bit of alcohol.

After an eternity, the elevator doors slide open, and I take a few unsteady steps forward. Nessa stifles a sob as she wrestles with her memories, and I hug her tightly to my chest for a moment before continuing forward. The open bottle of wine dangles precariously in my grasp; when Tigs leans over to grab my hand, it’s a clumsy ordeal which ends in us simply tying our pinky fingers together. A memory of our first day in the Capitol together touches me – of sitting opposite her in the dining room, making promises before we even knew each other’s demons, “I’m sure we’ll be the best of friends in no time!”

Funny to think how much I would do for this girl now. Best friends indeed.

We’re not the first ones on the rooftop. Of course we’re not – we literally came from the furthest possible corner of the Arena. I brace myself for the faces we’re about to be forced to fight, with no keen preference for fighting any of them. That was something I hadn’t counted on, despite all my training in befriending the enemy: the daunting reality of having to stab everyone I’d come to know in the backs just to get home alive. The future losses already feel so heavy – and it feels like a cruel twist of fate when Javier and Laney are the first of the tribe to be revealed to us. As if it wasn’t enough to kill their two allies yesterday, here we are to finish the job off.

“Okay, we have to hold it together,” I murmur quietly under my breath, immediately sobering up and taking on my favourable role as mediator. “Keep our wits about us. They’re probably going to be mad, so it’s very important not to do anything stupid–”

“Did you miss me Javi?” Tigs pulls away from us with a new found vigour and staggers forwards towards the familiar boy who I really wish wasn’t so familiar. If I had a third hand, I’d probably slap her for the way she unabashedly swings her weapon at him, but Javier beats me to it in throwing her to the ground, just like he’d done yesterday. The trademark move.

He speaks to Nessa – engages her in the battle, pries into her forlorn thoughts and opens her up to the darkness I’d been trying to stave off. The alcohol in her bloodstream seems to act as a pipeline for bad decisions, because she follows Tigs’ lead, swinging her sword and looking nothing like the defenceless girl of a few days ago, and none of this was in the god damn plan.

I wish I had a plan.

I wish I had a map of what the fuck was going on, because then there’s Marik zoning in on Laney and he looks so different to the boy who had saved me from the A.D.S on the first day. It’s dizzying, the change in the air. The way it continues to change, unrelenting, whiplash causes the tips of my hair to sting against my cheek. I count the faces: one two three, four five, six…

Seven. I’m so fucking done.

Mateo, from the shadows; I see him before he sees me. My heart sinks. Déjà vu threatens to spew out. Mateo’s presence can only mean two things:

Vin, their name a sigh.
Roe, his name a piercing cry – Tigs’ piercing cry.

My eyes dart around wildly, confirming that we’re still a party of seven, but for how long? I can see the carnage playing out in real-time at the imminent appearances; I see the names carved into the side of Tigs’ weapon.

I’m running, standing in front of him before I know what I’m doing.

“You guys – you all need to leave,” I gasp out, holding steadfast to Mateo, his shoulders surely bruising under my urgent fingertips. “I know Vin and Roe must be near, but Tigs is… not okay right now. And as soon as she sees them, she’s going to lose it. Please–” I don’t want you to get hurt.

And even though I know it’s no use against the wine and blood and adrenaline running rampant in their veins, I still turn to grab onto the girls and try to drag them away. “We need to go too.” Consequences be damned: the A.D.S seems a much safer option than the wrath of a heartbroken fifteen-year-old girl who’s had her first taste of blood.

[arcadia talks to mateo; no attack; camo]