down the drain ! {damen} //done!

Was it something I said?

Katie Morven couldn't think, couldn't feel. Definitely couldn't move. She stood completely stiff, her muscles not permitting any motion whatsoever. So Katie was alone, totally alone but for that one thought. And, apparently (her brain was just beginning to register it, seconds after her muscles), Gage.
Oh.
Oh.

Upon discovering that the foreign pressure on her lips was her new co-worker - weren't they coworkers? She couldn't remember, and couldn't decide if it was important - the girl's instinct was to step backwards. She wanted to, she so wanted to, because this was too much right now and it was impossible to process everything. Her brain had shuddered to a halt, the sensory information was overloading her, she couldn't really think about what was happening.
Move. Backward. Yes, that was the thing to do, Katie decided. Sluggishly, she shifted weight onto her left leg - in order to bring the right one back, breaking away from Gage - when, naturally, imbalance took hold of her. She ended up tipping forward, inadvertently strengthening the kiss. In a single moment of shock, several things happened all at once. Her lips parted slightly in surprise, increasing the contact with those of the boy. One hand, her right, flew up and wrapped fragile fingers weakly around his upper arm. It was not a particularly tight grip, but something was now preventing her from stepping backward - an invisible thread of some sort, a dark corner of her mind supposed - and Katie needed a means of balance. Her eyelids flew apart, snapping everything into focus.
Gage was kissing her. That much was certainly clear. Something in the back of her mind chortled mockingly at Katie. Oh really? You just noticed?
Looking up dazedly at him in the few seconds they had before the kiss became overlong (though Katie herself had no idea to what standards of time kisses were measured), the girl noted his eyelashes. They were short, but dark, and somehow alive with tiny movements and expressions. The creases that formed around his closed eyes and between his eyebrows bespoke an intensity which she hadn't realized Gage possessed. It was beautiful, in a way.

With her hand still planted around Gage's arm, Katie slowly pulled back. Her breathing was shallow and her whole body was in a shock of sorts; every muscle, save those in her oddly-relaxed jaw, was clenched. Her whole face was burning, and her lips felt hot (which was strange, because looking back, she could not remember if his had been hot or cold or neither). Turning her head away in shame and embarassment, she unconsciously rubbed smooth circles in his arm with her thumb.
"That...
Surely her face was a bright shade of red. Her skin was searing hot; Katie averted her face again and bit her lip forcefully. She blinked, hard, several times; even her eyes burned; it was as if she were about to start crying. The girl couldn't pinpoint exactly what she was feeling; it was a mixture of shame, embarrassment, self-loathing, and...euphoria?
It was, after all, the seventeen-year-old's first kiss.

So then why did she feel like bawling and fleeing the sparsely-crowded coffee shop? Desperate for an answer, any answer, she began to sift through her recent memories.
First, she'd invited him to grab coffee with her, perhaps to reconcile her initial rudeness. That was no big deal, right? It probably wasn't. Men her age thought nothing of that sort of activity. It's just coffee.
After their arrival, she'd...talked to him? It wasn't flirting, though, Katie reminded herself. To imagine that she had even the ability to flirt with Gage was self-absorbed at best. No, she was merely making forced comments to him.
Then they'd shared a moment of humor. It was simple and silly, when she thought about it; yet poking fun at their supposed 'coolness' had actually been genuine Katie-humor - it was probably the only part of their exchanges that she hadn't fabricated. And hearing him reply, acknowledge her quiet joke...she'd smiled at the time, and the small memory almost brought back a smile. Had that moment meant anything? And after that...after that...
Vivid images flooded back into her brain, as if a chamber of memories had finally been opened. Katie could recall that after he'd spoken, Gage had stepped a small bit closer to her. Then another, and another. She'd felt rising apprehension, and something a little less familiar - was it excitement? Perhaps. Clearly, something about his gradual approach had awoken some suppressed physical longing in Katie, something that all teenagers feel (or so she supposed) but that she'd always hidden from herself. And then, and then...a single image flashed into her mind, that of Gage's face closer to hers than ever before, and she reached the blackout section of her memory.
The kiss.

None of it made sense yet. Why had he kissed her, anyway? Could a male have feelings for the girl? It was such an outlandish thought, one she'd never dared to entertain. Especially not with Gage, the boy who she'd cold-shouldered, the boy who couldn't help but look attractive when he absentmindedly ran fingers through his hair.

With a firm, prolonged blink and a deep breath, Katie recovered her composure. Surprised that her fingers were still around the boy's arm, she unwrapped them hastily and turned around. Picking up her cup of coffee in the right hand, she failed to notice the stunned (and amused) stare of the man who worked behind the counter as he served another customer. It was inconsequential anyway.

With a grip on the coffee cup for mental stability, Katie swallowed and pivoted, intending to find a table (or perhaps fly through the door; she hadn't decided yet). However, she found herself bumping into Gage. A moment of shock crossed her face when she realized that she'd accidentally initiated contact with him; the familiar burning returned not only to her face, but also to her shoulder and hip, which were lightly touching the boy's. She dared not tilt her head up, but rather looked at his eyes, her own wide with panic. His face was so close, not unlike a minute or two ago...
Shutting her mouth in order to control her breathing, which was suddenly quick and short again, Katie mentally recoiled. Why were her shoulders trembling? It was so strange. All she did was bump into him (and freeze there for a few seconds). Jerking upwards from the force of her fear and confusion, Katie's free hand flew up of its own will and rested lightly on Gage's chest. It was involuntary, and though the original intent was to create distance between them with physical pressure, she found that her fingertips rested with the utmost lightness on the surface of his shirt.
"Oh, sorr- sorry."
Finally stepping back, Katie addressed the floor, finding the action of looking into the boy's eyes far too daunting. But still the question lingered, of what she had done to merit the affection, the strange affection which was both unwanted and cherished.

"Gage," she forced out, voice shaking slightly, "What was...?"

Flying away had often seemed like an appealing concept to Katie. Every time she felt embarrassed at work, or was angry, or afraid, she just got this feeling like she could fly away. The feeling was neither good or bad; but it was there, certainly. Even if she couldn't physically lift herself off the ground, the girl often found herself eying the nearest door with interest. As if a door could let her get away from anything.
Gage had fled; that was a fact. For a moment that seemed like much longer, Katie stared blankly at the empty space in front of her which had once held a desperate, stuttering, confused boy. One who was apologetic and had every right to be. Yes, it was reasonable for him to apologize. Did he need to? Staring down at her fingertips which burned as if placed in an open flame, she couldn't bring herself to believe the answer was yes. Of course it had startled her; of course it had made her want to fly away; but a kiss in itself was not inherently bad. There was no other way to think of it. Retrospectively, how could Katie be angry about the kiss? She had nothing to compare it to, so there was no idea in her mind as to whether it was good or bad, but...it sparked something.
Because Katie could've flown away when Gage's lips pressed onto hers. She could've broken back and run out of the door as if it could've taken her away from him.
The important thing was that she didn't.
And he did. Therefore, it was unsurprising to Katie when she grabbed his hot chocolate in one hand, her coffee in the other, and started toward the door.
Pausing slightly before the bell at her feet, the girl's feet stopped for a moment and her eyebrows crushed together. It was small, really, insignificant; just a bell on the ground in front of the door from which it had once hung. Still, she couldn't help but feel that the bell was telling her something, that the way it had crashed to the floor meant that she had truly angered Gage.
Just that thought scared her, and she flew away, but for once it was in the direction of the person she'd always thought she would run from.

Nudging the door open with her foot, she did feel vague astonishment that she'd actually reached their workroom again. Hadn't this been her first day in there? Insignificant as it was, her brain still briefly considered how she'd arrived there so easily even in her panicked haste. Perhaps something was driving her, some force in her mind telling her that she needed to get to Gage.
Quietly, she entered, raising her eyebrows at the sound of running water. Immediately she walked over to one of the work-tables and set their drinks there. Katie's voice came out smoothly, sounding as if she had put thought into her words. "Gage, I brought your hot chocolate," she said nonchalantly before taking a sip of her coffee. However, her back was to the shower; with a suddenness that almost made her slap her forehead, the girl realized that he probably hadn't heard her. She stepped towards the running shower, going around it so that she could see Gage and he would hear her properly. Indeed, she was planning on repeating what she'd just said, about bringing his drink; something entirely different came out.
"You left."
Involuntarily, the girl found herself stepping closer; she was at the threshold of the open shower, staring at the falling water. Staring at Gage. He left.
Several more seconds elapsed with the two teenagers just standing there, separated by barely more than a foot, staring. In that time, she noted the soaked lab coat heaped on the floor; the wet clothing plastered to his body; her own hair and face getting wet as water droplets flicked up onto them. Facing him, watching water run through his dark hair and down his face, she couldn't help but think that they just needed to talk, because if they talked it out, they would realize what the hell was going on. "Look, Gage, I'm really sorry. I don't- I don't know what I did, or...I mean, I know what you did, obviously, but why - and, I didn't want to make you leave. I just...shouldn't have reacted like I - you left - I can't figure it out. I just...I can't figure it out. Did I- should I have-?"
Katie's words were making no sense whatsoever. In fact, her whole brain was refusing to make sense. Every thought was garbled, every feeling. Her large brown eyes were transfixed on his, wondering how on earth she'd gotten herself into this situation, and how her hand had gotten onto the back of his neck. Finally, the girl's body and heart had rebelled: the brain was no longer in control. The brain said no, the brain said wait, it said fly away. Now was not time to do any of those things. So really, Katie's brain couldn't have been blamed when she pushed onto her toes, her lips reaching up to those of a boy she couldn't bring herself to understand.

Emotional overload was the first thing on Katie Morven's mind.

First because as she hesitantly stepped over the shower's threshold, guided by Gage's arm around her waist and lips on hers, a rush of conflicting notions hit her like a freight train. What am I doing? ... Kissing Gage. That much, as before, was blatantly obvious. The perplexing fact was that Katie was enjoying the kiss, she was loving it in her way; it thrilled her and sailed her away to places she'd never before dared to wonder about. Even though the burning had bothered her before, it was now something wonderful - a searing feeling on her lips, her hand where it held the back of his neck, her back, her stomach - the burning lit her skin up and made the girl feel alive as never before. Now, instead of rejecting it, she embraced the burning, craved it; there was a need for more, more of this intense heat seeping over the surface of her skin.
Unfortunately, this only served to confuse Katie even more. From the moment his arm had snaked around her waist and pulled the girl into the shower, she'd begun to feel helpless; helpless against the boy and the arm and the incessant need for the burning on her skin. It was controlling her, this desire, and Katie did not particularly like being controlled; all her life she'd allowed it, submitted to the power of others, but Gage made her want to be free. Liberated, maybe. Was that why she'd kissed him in this room without even meaning to? Because she thought it would free her from being controlled by fear and apprehension? Maybe; maybe not. It was impossible for the girl to tell as she allowed her back to arch away from the pressure of Gage's arm, her head pulling back just slightly. Water dripped from her cheeks and nose, sliding down reluctantly into the tiny gap between her lips and Gage's.
All at once, the burning became uncomfortable. Katie fought it, fought the discomfort; yet she couldn't ignore the fact that her right palm, which had somehow worked its way onto his chest, felt as if it were being touched by a hundred electrified wires; she also failed to dismiss the pain she felt all over the front of her torso, which, though damp, was still acutely aflame from being pressed against the boy.
Startled, she jerked back, gazing up at Gage with furrowed eyebrows. She allowed her right hand to fall from his chest back to her side as the left hand slid from the back of his neck, onto his shoulder, and finally dropped. But even though she'd also chosen to end the kiss, Katie couldn't help but slightly resent the fact that he was helping her out of the shower, he was gazing into her eyes and asking her what had just happened. What gives him the right to- to just manipulate me like this? True, she'd been liberated from fear, been allowed to fly off the top of a marvelous canyon; yet now, the girl's wings were failing, and she was falling, falling. What else could explain the dropping sensation in her stomach? He'd done this to her, made her helpless. Made her weak. And now he was...laughing? Could it be that Gage was mocking her, making light of her involuntary attempts at whatever that kiss was?
"That was me."
Katie felt the sudden urge to add "...at least, I think it was," but she resisted. After all, if she showed how unsure she was about everything right now, he could control her. The fear was idiotic, it was irrational, but isn't all fear? The fear possessed Katie was to be expected; she'd just shared a moment of something with her new co-worker, and she'd caused it and it was all her fault - so it was her fault? This only served to befuddle the girl even more. What did the kisses mean, anyway? Were they romance? Mere impulsiveness? Love? The last word made Katie blink several times. Such an odd concept, one never covered in her numerous science classes.
At last, the world began to stabilize as sense kicked in. Katie had kissed Gage; it was her doing, and no one else was to blame. His reaction was completely normal; in fact, it could even be construed as good - perhaps he felt something for her too? Just the idea of 'feeling' made the teenage girl nervous, because she could never sort out her own feelings, much less someone else's. Had...had Katie been missing out on the emotions of other humans all these years? Had every day spent in a dull factory served to save her from pain, but also dull her to happiness? Could it have been that other people had been noticing her, watching her, even interacting with her - all without her knowledge because she'd ignored every one of them? Katie feared, hoped, and knew all in that one moment that a huge portion of her life had been spent shunning the very idea of love, and it had taken the unknowing assistance of a fellow worker, one who just happened to take off his glasses and ruffle his hair at the right time, to set a reaction into being which had opened the girl up. True, she was still falling, rushing madly downward as if through cold, refreshing air; but it was a good kind of fall, Katie decided - and if one was to fall from unhappiness and emotional poverty, wouldn't it be worth the landing?
The landing.
The hard part. The portion of this wonderful sensation of flight which required Katie to own up to her deeds, her shameless pursuit of a boy she hardly knew. And already she'd taken out her stupidity on him, shunned him, even blamed him for her self-inflicted pain. Yes, it was time to make amends. But how? Katie relied on her usual strategy of speaking words until they came out right to handle the situation. "I'm sorry, for-" The girl's voice cut through the air abruptly, and her eyes made their way from staring into Gage's chest up to his eyes, focusing on the beautiful, deep brown. Katie implored him with her eyes, begged him to understand, to maybe forgive her for all of the things she'd done to him already. Words were failing her; the girl was lost in his brown eyes and her need to make him understand. But she had to, because eyes alone couldn't speak at all; it was the job of the lips mouth to vocalize the important things. "-for...everything. I'm- I'm just not very good at..." '...whatever this is,' her brain pleaded her to say. But the girl's mouth stubbornly refused. She didn't want to confuse Gage further by implying that she'd just kissed him out of the blue. So despite the fact that she wanted to keep her terminology vague, or maybe even just leave the sentence hanging, the word Katie finished it with was "...love."