Living Proof {Sempage, open}

It was the first time Dominic had truly been able to take in his surroundings: the chilly air, damp ground, moldy, musky air; but he liked it. There was nothing holding him back from actually living in the moment -- not fear -- and take things in.

"I... I don't know what's going on, I've never felt like this... But I like."

Seeing Jana's smile was just as captivating as the dim light reflecting off her forest green eyes. Dominic wasn't exactly sure what about her had held his attention for so long, but whatever it was, he liked it.

"I'm not sure, either, but I love it."

Not only was he talking about the kiss, but the complete and utter silence that had fallowed. Heavenly silence that only had faint voices of pedestrians in the background. For him, it was the perfect moment; nothing had ruined it so far, and he desperately hoped nothing would. He wanted this moment to last forever, even if he had to stay in an alley for the rest of his life. If it meant his mind would stay under his control and he could be with Jana, he wouldn't hesitate to accept.

Dominic remained still as Jana began wiping away the dried blood on his face and back, catching a faint smell of pine as she moved about. It was a smell he had grown to love in the District, despite the only time he actually could concentrate on the details of the forest was when he was a young child. The pine smell soothed him despite the occasional sting of a small glass shard digging into his skin as she wiped away the blood. The schizophrenic honestly didn't care at the moment; he was too caught up in the warm, secure feeling to let the little stabs of pain bother him.

"Are you feeling alright? You look a lot better now."

The boy nodded.

"I've not felt this good since--..... since before I could really remember..."

His voice was still quiet, though there was a new level of confidence in it that he had never possessed. His now-bright emerald green eyes watched her quietly as she worked, eventually coming back around to look at him. There wasn't anything he could think of to say, other than "thank you", which he did again. The event reminded him of back when he was much younger, a little five year old boy running through the woods after his father. Whenever the voice in his head would bring him to the point of hysteria, no matter where in the tree felling area he was, his mother always seemed to be there, telling him that the voice couldn't hurt him. He would hold onto every word she said, and that was what Dominic found himself doing now. He was holding onto Jana's words, trying to not miss any of them. Nothing he could say could describe the warm joy he was feeling.

Sitting silently, Dominic had closed his eyes as she lightly ran her fingers across his back. It was very soothing to him, despite the frequent small ticks of pain from flecks of glass digging into his skin. He wasn't about to let it bother him, though; nothing was going to ruin this moment for him. Not the pain, not the voice, not the alley, not the passerbys; the boy was completely at ease, savoring the warm tingles her fingertips gave him. It was such a comforting feeling that the faint smile remained on his face as his eyes stayed shut, his breathing slow and steady.

"We need to get the glass out and clean the cuts up so no infection sets in. I have the supplies at the shop. But we don't need to rush there just yet, I'm rather enjoying myself right here."

"Whenever you'd like to go is fine with me."

Dominic nodded, opening his eyes to find Jana's hand in his peripheral vision. He was a little startled, though, at the sudden sight, but as soon as she made contact with his face, he felt secure once again -- even mentally stable. It was such a glorious feeling that for a moment he wasn't even sure if he was awake; surely something this good had to be a dream. But it wasn't -- reality, for once, was much better than his unconscious world. Not only was there peace, but there was Jana, too.

He raised his hand next to his face, gently taking her hand in his. As he intertwined his fingers with hers, her skin felt like silk against his rough, calloused palm. Such a beautiful lady, she was, as he looked up at her: the way her fiery hair accented her eyes and the way the light shone off the richly-colored irises. Surely this was a dream -- there couldn't be a single person on the earth as alluring as she, and yet here she was, leaning in closer to him once more. And this time, the schizophrenic returned the favor.

Sparks -- or whatever expanding blissful feeling it was -- rocketed through his veins like adrenaline. Instinctively his eyes closed, the blithesome sensation like a high to him. Dominic returned the kiss with the passion of a boy who, for almost ten years, had been deprived of human affection. This moment only sharpened the sense of being forsaken in society that had plagued him for so long, and despite how desperately he wished, he knew that it would come back soon, but not now. His whole world was now centered on Jana, the only person who could keep his sanity grounded, and he expressed his deep gratitude towards her through the endearment.

Over all the years, Dominic had learned to stay silent in the background; to stay hidden in the shadows. Many a time he would hide in a dark corner of an alley for hours on end, just trying to regain his sanity enough to head back home, when a couple would just so happen to wander into the same alley. Of course, having nothing else to do, the boy would watch their display of affection towards one another. Most of the times it was just innocent gestures; but on the rare occasion, he would have to conceal himself to such a point that he could not see nor hear the couple. Despite the disturbing events, the boy had always wondered what it felt like to know that at the end of the day, no matter how bad it had been, you could always have someone to go to; someone to tell all your secrets to and trust them not to tell. A person that, even in your worst state, still found the beauty of what made you, you.. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought that he would be sitting next to a girl he liked and trusted so much. He had always believed that for a schizophrenic like himself, finding a significant other would be nothing short of impossible. And yet here he was, trying to catch his breath, fingers still laced with Jana's.

"Well I'll take you to the shop and patch you up soon. We have some creams and things that should take the pain out of the scratches and gashes."

He had rested his head very lightly against Jana's as she positioned herself against his shoulder. Absentmindedly his thumb began gently stroking the side of her hand as he thought.

"Will it be alright with your family if I come with you?"

He asked, feeling somewhat uncertain that her family would allow a schizophrenic onto their property. It wouldn't be the first time he had been denied something because of his psychological state; it had happened too many times to count. Though, maybe this time would be different. Already he had broken a barrier deemed impossible -- it seemed logical that another one could be broken.

"I never imagined we'd end up like this when I first met you... But I couldn't be happier."

Another sincere smile played on his lips. Memories flickered through his head of the first night they had met: running into the fence, Themba and Ayane, Ried, Nil, and so many other people had showed up. The one night he had been so hellbent on ending his own life was actually the turning point, and now that he realized it, the sense of gratitude for her had become so profound that it was purely indescribable.

"That night in the woods.... I was certain I was going to commit suicide. I was desperate to just end it all, thinking death would be the only way out of it for me. But now I realize that it would've been really stupid of me to have actually fallowed through with those plans because now--....."

His voice had dropped to a soft whisper, and even he was still trying to believe what he was about to say was true. Dominic's entire life had turned around, and he knew that saying it would only solidify it.

"... now I have something to live for."

"It just my dad and me. He should be fine, and if he's not he'll have to learn to get used to it. I'm sure he won't chase you off or anything, he's a laid back guy."

Dominic was both happy and sad as he heard her comment. It certainly was a good thing her father was laid back, but what if it somehow sparked the boy's memory? A flashback of a practice fight gone horribly wrong.... what would he do? Having a complete psychological breakdown near her father would be the worst thing to do, especially when nearly all of his meltdowns result in physical harm to either himself or another person -- or even both. Too many times that had happened and too many times he had tried to forget those memories, but they always came flooding back at the most inappropriate time. Attacking her father would seal the deal on his death wish--

All the morbid thoughts seemed to dissipate as he felt her warm, soft skin against his face. His senses were tingling, feeling the warmth of her body against his, and her tender voice soothing his mind.

"Things could have gone so different that night. But ultimately it all worked out. I don't know what I would have done if you'd finished yourself off... But you didn't and that's all that matters. Your here, and I'm here, we're together. It couldn't be more perfect."

Dominic knew she was right: some higher power must had been at work during the dark hours of his attempted suicide. Making sure the electric fence was off, preventing him from launching himself at Ayane, and of all people that were there, he remembered Jana the most: her fiery red hair, the way the tone of her skin made her lush, forest green eyes stand out, the muscle tone of a lumberjack (but with a feminine touch, of course), the way her hair framed her face; she was of indescribable beauty to him.

Shifting on the ground, Dominic moved so that he could put both his arms around her, hugging her to his torso in a protective embrace. Such a delicate situation like this was more than a luxury to him, and to lose it would mean to have his unstable life come crashing down. Unsettled by the thought, he then embraced her as though if he were to let go, he'd lose her forever.

"I wouldn't want to have ended up any other way."

His voice was hardly above a whisper, but still sincere. Raising his head slightly, he gave her a soft kiss before gently resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you, Jana."

Love seemed to be the only word that could even begin to describe the swell of warmness inside of him, though it hardly covered it all. The boy needed her, and whether or not he believed it, he knew he was addicted to her already. Dominic knew he would eventually have to leave her side, but until then, he was content with sitting next to her in an alley, holding her in his arms.

Feeling Jana's arms encircle his torso, a smile crept up onto Dominic's face. Never had he ever felt so comfortable, so secure -- so sane. This seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, to just sit embracing Jana. He didn't want to let go of her, either. The deep void that had been inside of him, plaguing him for years, seemed to finally be filled up. She was his missing puzzle piece, fitting perfectly inside the void.

He began gently running a hand up and down her back, enjoying the warmth of her body against his. Being so close, he could smell pine once again -- the sweet, sappy scent that reminded him of the forest that for so long had sheltered him while the serpentine voice slowly tore him apart from the inside out. On those crazed dashes through the woods, never had he actually taken the time to see the beauty of them. Maybe one day he could go with Jana into the woods to see the foliage and shrubbery like never before.

"I love you too, Dominic."

Her words struck Dominic like the soft lyrics of an angelic hymn. To be loved by a schizophrenic was one thing; but to love a schizophrenic was something else. Something foreign that the boy had no experience in, and yet he loved it more than anything that had ever happened to him. To feel that someone actually enjoyed his presence was enough to make him realize that there was more to life than just madness; a schizophrenic could find a significant other, or at least someone to make his life feel more worth living. Spurred by this thought, the boy held her tightly, not wanting to ever lose her.

"Don't worry about meeting my dad, it will be fine. And if he has a problem with you, I still won't leave you."

Dominic was still a bit hesitant about meeting her father, but he knew it would have to happen eventually. When the man would find out about the murder, what would he do? Beat him? Chase him off like so many other people had done? But Jana had said that even if the man did, she wouldn't leave him. It was a comforting thought, but he didn't want her to end up being disowned because she disobeyed her father. As he felt her hand running along the back of his head, though, the daunting thoughts faded.

"It'll be nerve wrecking, but... I trust you."


He looked down at her just as she looked up, becoming mesmerized once again by her forest green eyes. They were spectacular to behold, really: such a lush color to have in the iris was certainly a gift, whether she knew it or not. The color was beyond description, still leaving him in a trance-like state even when she closed her eyes. It took a few silent moments for him to find the timid voice to speak again.

"When do you think would be the best time to meet your father?"






From The Heart -- X-Ray Dog

"If your nervous, you don't have to see him until your ready. I can get supplies from the shop and heal you somewhere else for now."

Dominic shook his head. Despite the fact that he had been conditioned to thoroughly not enjoy meeting people, he knew he would have to meet his man eventually. So why not meet him while he was having this heavenly peace? The boy wanted to hang onto the slim chance that while he was sane, he could leave a good impression with her father. Dominic didn't want to end up doing anything stupid like he always had done -- attacking without cause, mostly. It never ended well, either.

"I think I though meet him while I'm--..... sane."

He whispered, having realized that he had stopped stroking her back. Absentmindedly he began rubbing up and down her spine once more, more as a reminder to himself that Jana was truly there.

"Any time that would make you comfortable. I don't care when. Or really if you ever want to see him... I'm old enough he doesn't have to have a say in everything I do."

"I would feel bad if we just left him, you know? Just.... if.... if I do go mad, will you stop me from hurting anyone? Even.... if it means hurting me?"

It was a dumb question, but Dominic didn't want to end up hurting Jana or her father. He'd much rather have himself get hurt, but would she agree to it? His pleading emerald green eyes looked down into her forest green ones, wondering.





((My muse juice has failed me for the night. DX ))

"That would probably be best. And then we can get you all patched up."

Dominic nodded, though his back had gone numb. He couldn't feel what shards were left embedded in his skin, and he really didn't care. What were a couple of shards compared to the rest of his life? This was the beginning of something the boy knew he didn't want to miss out on any bit of it. A relationship like nothing he had ever experienced before, and he wasn't about to let little glass shards ruin it. But he still thought it would be better to meet her father -- to at least let him know he existed -- and whether he approved of him or not wasn't his major concern. Though, then again, Dominic wasn't quite sure what his concern was.

After she lightly kissed his forehead, he pulled back just enough to where he could look into her eyes, searching for an answer to his question. Dominic didn't want to hurt anybody anymore, especially Jana. If he somehow ended up hurting her, he was sure it would drive him much more further over the edge than he had ever been before. Probably up to the point where his suicidal attempt actually went through and worked. The boy's thinking was that if the one person he loved most in the world hurt him enough while his mind was at its most fragile state, it would condition him to not enter that phase as often. Maybe then it would tone down the voice, hopefully to a small whisper. Maybe, just maybe....

"If it came down to that the, yes... I would only hurt you as a last resort, but yes I would do it."

Even though she had just agreed to causing him physical pain whenever necessary, a small, sincere smile drew across the boy's mouth.

"No matter how much it'll hurt, thank you, Jana."

He said quietly, gently pressing his lips against hers. Pulling away a few long moments afterward, Dominic slowly and reluctantly stood up, offering a hand to Jana to help her up. The boy didn't want to appear urgent to see her father, but he just wanted to get it over with. He wanted to spend as little time as he could there so as to not give an opportunity for his mind to lose itself -- he knew, however, that he could snap at the drop of a pin. What would it take for him to lose control this time?