//Shattered Dreams\\(And)//Tattered Seams\\ {Lydie
Apr 25, 2011 20:43:57 GMT -5
Post by Lydie on Apr 25, 2011 20:43:57 GMT -5
Dessa Rhodes
She's surprised when Zigger reaches up and touches her cheek, can feel them grow warm at the unexpected gesture. When he pulls her arms away she's hurt at first, worried that what she did was wrong, that she just made things worse and now Zigger's going to leave, gone from her life like he was never there. Dessa's about to apologize, backtrack until she realizes he's walking over to the greenhouse and he starts to tell his story.
I knew, somehow, that they were dead. I knew that I'd be alone when I walked out that door. He finishes, and Dessa can see the pain on his face as he relives that day. The day when everything changed for him. She knows that what happened to him was awful, that he's still affected by his parent's death every day. But she can't help but feel a hint of jealousy toward him, she wishes that her parent's death could have affected her like that, not because she's masochistic, but because of how close Zigger was to his parents.
Though she had gotten something out of their death, and that was Zigger. At that moment Dessa knew that they could be friends, that they could help each other, maybe fill the holes and gaps inside that were left by the past, by their misfortunes. Maybe Zigger couldn't see it, maybe it would freak him out to hear this, but Dessa believed it, she actually believed in something for once. How ever the future would play out, the next day, the next week, the next year, she would believe in their friendship, believe in cultivating it just as she had helped her flowers grow and thrive.
But Dessa was getting ahead of herself, she needed to focus on right now, on what Zigger needed to understand that he could be happy, that he deserved a better life. She was going to say something about what he had just told her, but just as she was opening her mouth, the words forming on her tongue Zigger's fingers brushed the petals of one of her yellow flowers and some of the petals fell off.
She held her breath, waiting for what he would do. He looks surprised, and then sadly unsurprised all in a matter of seconds, like maybe he had been gaining hope but then started reverting back to who he had been for so long. Oh, I think I killed it. Dessa feels her stomach drop a moment, her determination wavering as she watches Zigger's face, unable to look away. It's almost as though Zigger's mind, emotions, and feelings are just as fragile as the yellow flower he's been stroking, just as fragile as her hands and wrists are, her physical state in general. Where she's lacking in physical strength he's lacking in emotional strength, where she's weak he's strong and vice versa, or so she's noticing.
It's almost funny to her that she thinks this, because earlier today she wouldn't have believed that she could be strong at all. But Zigger had made her see it, had unearthed something inside her that could now grow because it had been exposed to the light. Dessa wanted more than anything to find something in Zigger. Do the same thing for him that he had done for her.
It had already started with her telling him she was there, with him telling her about the day his parent's died, and would continue with this broken yellow flower.
She smiles again as she takes a breath then comes to stand beside him. She fingers the petals that are left on the yellow flower before she looks up at Zigger's face, realizing for the first time just how much taller he is and says, "This looks dead to you all because a couple of it's petals fell off? Because it doesn't look like the rest of them?" She pauses then looks down at the yellow flower, then at her hand that has stopped shaking. She steps back from the greenhouse still turned toward Zigger and gestures to herself with both of her imperfect hands. "Do I look dead to you because I'm not perfect? Because I don't look like everyone else, because I'm crippled and broken like this flower? Do you see only the flaws written out on people, not the good things, and figure that they're unfortunate, hopeless?" She pauses again, her eyes never leaving Zigger's face. Dessa hopes he doesn't think she's being mean, she's just trying to make a point, to help him. "I don't think you do, if you did you wouldn't have offered to help me. You would have just left me alone and walked away. But you didn't, and now I might have a chance, a chance at something I never thought I'd have. Because you made me see something in myself, something I didn't know was there. Look at that flower Zigger, it's just as broken as the two of us, just as imperfect." I say gesturing toward it, "But it's not dead, not yet, it still has a chance to be something. We still have a chance to be something, you do. Or are you going to let a few flaws, a few fallen petals stop you? What do you want Zigger? At the end of the day what is it going to take for you to be happy?"
She lets this question hang in the air as she takes in a few breaths, she hadn't realized until she was done that her voice had been gaining momentum, that it had been building. Not that she had been yelling, but that she had put everything she was feeling into her words. That she was actually breathing for the first time in a long time, no longer holding her breath, waiting for everything to fall apart.
She realizes that the arm she's been gesturing with is still in the air, that it's been hanging there with her last question. She brings it down to her side, waiting for Zigger's reaction. Not in dread, but in anticipation of where this will take them next. As she waits she realizes that she never got to tell him how sorry she was about his parents, about what he had to go through. But now isn't the time though so she waits for Zigger's answer, wondering if she made an impact at all.
She's surprised when Zigger reaches up and touches her cheek, can feel them grow warm at the unexpected gesture. When he pulls her arms away she's hurt at first, worried that what she did was wrong, that she just made things worse and now Zigger's going to leave, gone from her life like he was never there. Dessa's about to apologize, backtrack until she realizes he's walking over to the greenhouse and he starts to tell his story.
I knew, somehow, that they were dead. I knew that I'd be alone when I walked out that door. He finishes, and Dessa can see the pain on his face as he relives that day. The day when everything changed for him. She knows that what happened to him was awful, that he's still affected by his parent's death every day. But she can't help but feel a hint of jealousy toward him, she wishes that her parent's death could have affected her like that, not because she's masochistic, but because of how close Zigger was to his parents.
Though she had gotten something out of their death, and that was Zigger. At that moment Dessa knew that they could be friends, that they could help each other, maybe fill the holes and gaps inside that were left by the past, by their misfortunes. Maybe Zigger couldn't see it, maybe it would freak him out to hear this, but Dessa believed it, she actually believed in something for once. How ever the future would play out, the next day, the next week, the next year, she would believe in their friendship, believe in cultivating it just as she had helped her flowers grow and thrive.
But Dessa was getting ahead of herself, she needed to focus on right now, on what Zigger needed to understand that he could be happy, that he deserved a better life. She was going to say something about what he had just told her, but just as she was opening her mouth, the words forming on her tongue Zigger's fingers brushed the petals of one of her yellow flowers and some of the petals fell off.
She held her breath, waiting for what he would do. He looks surprised, and then sadly unsurprised all in a matter of seconds, like maybe he had been gaining hope but then started reverting back to who he had been for so long. Oh, I think I killed it. Dessa feels her stomach drop a moment, her determination wavering as she watches Zigger's face, unable to look away. It's almost as though Zigger's mind, emotions, and feelings are just as fragile as the yellow flower he's been stroking, just as fragile as her hands and wrists are, her physical state in general. Where she's lacking in physical strength he's lacking in emotional strength, where she's weak he's strong and vice versa, or so she's noticing.
It's almost funny to her that she thinks this, because earlier today she wouldn't have believed that she could be strong at all. But Zigger had made her see it, had unearthed something inside her that could now grow because it had been exposed to the light. Dessa wanted more than anything to find something in Zigger. Do the same thing for him that he had done for her.
It had already started with her telling him she was there, with him telling her about the day his parent's died, and would continue with this broken yellow flower.
She smiles again as she takes a breath then comes to stand beside him. She fingers the petals that are left on the yellow flower before she looks up at Zigger's face, realizing for the first time just how much taller he is and says, "This looks dead to you all because a couple of it's petals fell off? Because it doesn't look like the rest of them?" She pauses then looks down at the yellow flower, then at her hand that has stopped shaking. She steps back from the greenhouse still turned toward Zigger and gestures to herself with both of her imperfect hands. "Do I look dead to you because I'm not perfect? Because I don't look like everyone else, because I'm crippled and broken like this flower? Do you see only the flaws written out on people, not the good things, and figure that they're unfortunate, hopeless?" She pauses again, her eyes never leaving Zigger's face. Dessa hopes he doesn't think she's being mean, she's just trying to make a point, to help him. "I don't think you do, if you did you wouldn't have offered to help me. You would have just left me alone and walked away. But you didn't, and now I might have a chance, a chance at something I never thought I'd have. Because you made me see something in myself, something I didn't know was there. Look at that flower Zigger, it's just as broken as the two of us, just as imperfect." I say gesturing toward it, "But it's not dead, not yet, it still has a chance to be something. We still have a chance to be something, you do. Or are you going to let a few flaws, a few fallen petals stop you? What do you want Zigger? At the end of the day what is it going to take for you to be happy?"
She lets this question hang in the air as she takes in a few breaths, she hadn't realized until she was done that her voice had been gaining momentum, that it had been building. Not that she had been yelling, but that she had put everything she was feeling into her words. That she was actually breathing for the first time in a long time, no longer holding her breath, waiting for everything to fall apart.
She realizes that the arm she's been gesturing with is still in the air, that it's been hanging there with her last question. She brings it down to her side, waiting for Zigger's reaction. Not in dread, but in anticipation of where this will take them next. As she waits she realizes that she never got to tell him how sorry she was about his parents, about what he had to go through. But now isn't the time though so she waits for Zigger's answer, wondering if she made an impact at all.
