` i learned everything alone , specialk

The strain of this entire encounter was starting to take a tole on her. It was like dealing with an unrelenting child who desperately wanted to eat cake before supper. Of course you said no at first, they didn't need the extra sugar. But after hours of listening to them whine, throw hissy fits and even go as far as to start gnawing on your leg, you give in. Let them have cake. Chandra was already tired from a long day of diving, she was tired from shucking oysters and banding lobsters. Fishing wasn't an easy job, it was exhausting. It was physically demanding, but it also kept Chan busy. People always seemed curious why she worked, after all, her brother was a victor, their family now could live a very comfortable lifestyle. But it was hard to just sit around at home when you had grown up working--Chandra could not stand idle hands.

Gregg had completely confused Chandra, or rather let her confused herself. She was doing anything, everything to try and gain control of the situation but she could feel it slipping from her fingers, same as the salt water all around her. She'd tried to pull him into the water to try and show him who was boss, of course, it blew up in her face when he'd slid down willingly.

"Am I really the burden? You pulled lil' ole' me in. I was just trying to be nice."

Calling this boy little was like saying seaweed didn't love sticking to Chandra' hair. Of course, his sarcastic tone wasn't helping, until she started wondering if he was just trying to please her. Chan didn't mind people who tried to please her, they were far more tolerable than those who purposely wanted her to bite their heads off. Tolerable people were nice. But nice was what you called the puke-green colored shirt your Aunt Mary got you that you had to thank her for, it was what you called the ugly girl you were trying to hook your friend up with, it was what you called the weird kid who drooled uncontrollably during class. Gregg's attempts at pleasing her weren't nice, it was tinged with something she didn't like, but made her curious. Then it clicked slightly. Was he trying to figure her out? "I couldn't have pulled you in, and you know it. You fell in on purpose." She focused her eyes on him, waiting to see what reaction this would get. Chandra didn't like admitting to her weaknesses, even if her lack of strength was an obvious one.

What he did next, through her off yet again. What was he doing brushing aside his admirers for a girl that wanted nothing to do with him? And then he flipped the bird. Chandra couldn't help but let a sly smirk cross her features. Maybe she'd misjudged him. Maybe he was just as rude and horrible as her. Maybe this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Or at least, a beautiful toleration.

Why was she like that? Pushing people away and keeping them away? In all honesty, Chandra wouldn't have been able to tell you. She did get a slight kick out of hurting people and just being nasty, she would admit to that in a heart beat. But who knew what the real reasoning for her attitude was.

Chandra had realized from an early age that people never changed. People always kept doing what they had always done--her mother liked to make herself so that no one would ever leave her. Or else she'd stop. And Chan would keep on making sure no one could ever leave her by keeping people away. Or else she'd stop. Pretty much, that's all people have as far as choices go. You do what you do until you don't do it anymore. For the most part, Chandra was right about this. Things can look suddenly different, things you've seen everyday of your life, like when there's a snowfall and everything that had always been there before looks new. Or when someone who been only thinking things finally speaks them. Chandra could give you all of her theories on everyone--why her brother turned crazy, on why the Capitol really held The Hunger Games. She could tell you why Maripoza, who lived down the street from her had self-esteem issues, or why Frank what's-his-face was secretly building weapons in his house. But Chandra could never tell you why she kept so close to other people's business and so far from her own. Not the reason at the heart of things.

"You caught me! But I'm sure you could have pulled me in. You look strong! Well, you have a strong personality. I just don't know if it is a good one or bad one yet..."

"What." It was part way between a statement and a question, and had slipped out before Chandra had had the opportunity to put together a coherent thought. What the hell was a strong personality? Was he calling her obnoxious? That was one thing Chan did not like to put next to her named, obnoxious. She glared at him, her teeth gritting as she spoke, her words a low, dangerous purr. "My personality is just damn fine." She was rarely on the defensive about herself, in fact, she usually didn't care what other's thought, up until this boy decided to talk to her.

"Now would you mind telling me your name? Or is it some secret that you have to keep to yourself?"

No, it wasn't a secret she was keeping. But Chandra hadn't yet decided if this boy was worthy enough to know it--yes, she was that vain. Thinking over the situation in her head, she realized just how far Gregg had already come with her. And if she'd learned anything about him in the last fifteen minutes, she was sure his name needed to be changed from The Hottie to The Pursuer. "It's Chandra Hayes."

Chandra had known the dangers of mentioning her last name, but it had escaped her lips before she had the chance to capture it and lock it behind her teeth. Her family name acted as an anchor for her, it acted as another reason why all the girls her age always whispered about her as soon as she turned her back. It was why older women sent her sympathetic glances that most certainly pissed Chandra off. It was her brother who had the problem, not her. Maybe people saw her anger as another psychological toll the Games had taken her family--other people just seemed to think they made her perpetually mad at everything. In some ways, people were right. From the moment Akab was reaped to the day he returned home as a victor, nothing had been the same. Everything Chandra knew seemed to disappear and the ground very well seemed to slip underneath her feet. It was as if nothing was every going to be stable or right ever again.

"Chandra; that's a beautiful name. I like it. I like it a lot, actually.

She let her composure relax ever so slightly when he only seemed to mention her first name, feeling glad her last one seemed to have slipped past him. She only nodded, not bothering to acknowledge his compliment otherwise, or even to thank him. Chandra did often get compliments on her name, mainly when she was younger. Her mother had named her after sitting outside one night while pregnant, she'd been awed by the full moon and at that moment deftly decided on her second child's name. Chandra. Moonlight. Maybe she'd hoped that Chan would act as a compass for people even in their darkest moments. But it turned out meeting Chan was the darkest moment in many people's lives. Irony at it's best.

But, she had spoken too soon. He seemed to have recognized her last name and as she watched his expression change to one of recognition she winced ever so slightly. One of the very few, and I mean few, things she had started to like about Gregg was the fact he had no idea who she was. He wasn't trying to treat her special, give her long talks about how he was sorry for Akab, or send her pitiful looks. But Chandra had gone and managed to ruin even that.

"I promise, it doesn't make a difference to me that you are a victors sibling. I think your an interesting person. I wouldn't still be here if I didn't think that."

As he had done so many times that day, Gregg managed to catch her by surprise. What he had most definitely tried to make sound comforting only made her wary and suspicious. It didn't matter to her what he said--Chan was a sound believer in the idea that actions spoke louder than words. "Is that really why you're here?" She asked, trying to divert the conversation away from her family name. "Is this some sort of dare one of your friends set you up with? Piss off the angry girl?"

Chandra knew the way she was treating this boy wasn't right. And was slowly starting to realize he was here to stay. He seemed unscathed even after a good fifteen minutes of being around her, and that had to be an accomplishment in itself, she realized. Gregg was sitting through the roller coaster that was Chandra--her few ups and unending downs, the many confusing things she said and did. Yet he was still here, and reproachfully, she decided to ease up on her attitude. At least test him out to see what he really was like. What did she have to lose anyway? It's not like they were friends, and it's not like she had any friends.

"What? No! I swear it isn't. I really don't have many friends. I just came out to the docks because it was my day off from work. I had no intentions of meeting someone until I met you. When I did my day got better than it was before."

She pursed her lips, dark eyes surveying his expression as he spoke. Gregg seemed a little too defensive about this for her liking, but that made her wonder if she just caught him by surprise. What did catch her attention was his little confession, informing her he didn't have any friends. Well, that was something they had in common and maybe that was a start. Chandra wasn't interesting in making him into a friend, she wasn't interested in friends. It meant another person you would have to lose, another person who could hurt you. But ally, somebody she could tolerate and be around once in a while wasn't all that bad idea. I mean, if he wasn't so clingy all of the time Chan might not mind him so much.

Chandra furrowed her eyebrows slightly, "Your day got better, Gregg?" She asked, rolling his name in her mouth, deciding it didn't sound too bad saying it. "I threw your shoes in the water and then you made yourself have a little swim." She made a face, her expression confused, not understanding him, before opening her mouth to speak again. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you wanted to be in the water, since it's your day off and all."

Something about having friends frightened Chan. Mrs Hayes thought Chandra's problem was leaping in and overcoming her social anxiety doing her own anthropological study of her daughter like she was Jane Goodall. She had actually used those words, even thought Chandra knew very well she didn't have social anxiety. There were always suggestions on how to make her less of who she was. Making friends--that was the big one. Getting involved in the community. To her mom, it was about being brave or not being brave, not about just being who you were. Chandra was convinced there were just some people who were born joiners of groups--fitter-inners, seamless social creatures, lovers of half-fake happy-to-see you's and insincere hugs and little screams of excitement that convincingly cover what's probably boredom. And then there are others, the ones who feel every false moment to the point of bodily pain and who can't be anyone except whom they are, as much as they try. In other words: Chandra Hayes.

Chan never understood why it was somehow superior to be a joined. Being an introvert is judged in some extreme way, as if you lacking in some ability to cope because you don't secretly break into your parent's liquor cabinet, or steal morphling from the doctors. In District Four, introversion as an alternate lifestyle got less than any other lifestyle, at least, in Chandra's opinion. Introversion is distrusted--it makes people nervous. Maybe it seems like introverts have secrets. People think the secret is that you're depressed or something, that that's why you don't seek their company. But the real secret is that for the most part you're content and relieved and almost flying at the near-miss of not having to be in their company. Chandra was looked at like she was seriously lacking, when the only thing she felt lacking in was the ability to be an introvert in peace.

"Yeah, it did. I went from being alone to having someone to talk to."

Gregg had completely taken this peace away from her today. It was one of those rare cases where someone wouldn't leave her alone, and it kept her at a loss. She wasn't used to situations turning like this, and had no plan of attack on what to do. So instead, without her consent, her defenses were sliding their way down. She was tolerating him, which was far more than she did for almost everyone else in the District. "Someone whose company you forcefully took, I might add." The slightest smirk crossed her features before vanishing. Now that she actually did look at the situation, it was slightly amusing. Persistence may as well be a quality with this boy.

"We should probably get out of the water soon. It's going to get pretty cold out soon. We could go inside somewhere, if you want."

Chan certainly did not enjoy swimming at night. The usually lukewarm water turned chillingly cold--the type of cold that made you feel as if the air in your lungs was freezing. She nodded, hating to admit he was right before pausing slightly. "I think we should part ways now. You don't want to push your luck with me, alright?" She said, her voice bordering on a warning.

Being around people just exhausted Chandra, as Gregg was doing right now. And I mean it physically exhausted her. Her mind wandered off for a moment, thinking maybe it was the fact they were also treading water that added to her fatigue. That wasn't the case, she was a swimmer, she spent hours upon hours everyday in the water. No, it was just Gregg. It bothered her, the determination he was chasing her with--it was more or less like one of those dogs that run thousands of miles home after falling off the back of a pick-up truck. It was her personality that scared her, actually scared her. He was keeping her wary and on her toes, she didn't want to lose her footing with this guy again.

Her dark eyes followed him up onto the dock as she swam her way towards it. Her offered her his hand and she took it hesitantly. It did cross her mind to try and pull him back in the water, but what would that accomplish? It would further make her appear as an immature little teenage trying to helplessly flirt with him. Which was exactly the opposite of what she was, or at least, Chandra hoped she was. Using his arm as leverage she lifted herself out of the water, and knelt on the dock, wringing the water out of her hair. Then she remembered his other question. He wanted to go to coffee. Wasn't that like, a date.

Chandra's eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as she turned to look at Gregg. She surveyed him, his body language and expression for a moment before deciding it was an honest offer. No, she did want to go get coffee with him. The idea perplexed her, the concept of going out like that and she didn't like it. Needless to say it made Chan uncomfortable. She began to formulate various situations in her head. She could tell him no, but if she'd learned anything about him she knew he wasn't give up that easy. So instead, she went with Plan B. "Alright..but do you mind if I go home and change? I don't want to catch a cold." Her plan was pretty simple, she'd just stand him up.

Chandra was going to be the last to admit it, but she'd never been kissed. She had never been intimate with anyone, both physically and emotionally. The idea of people being together like that made her one hundred percent uncomfortable and incredibly curious at the same time, and she was still trying to figure out how that was at all possible. What was the point of being close to someone like that? It was just opening yourself up to be hurt, and who wanted to be hurt? Chan's mom said this was because her daughter had an inability to feel, but as always, Chandra knew her mom was wrong. Chan could feel, she could feel damn well. She just didn't want to feel hurt. Anger and annoyance, she could feel those two emotions perfectly, and for now, that's all she really needed.

"You live in the victors village, right? Do you think that you could take me to see your house? I heard that they are awesome? Not trying to be shallow or anything, I just think that it would be cool and all."

Chandra's dark eyes snapped to stare at Gregg. Did he really just ask that? She began blinking feverishly, turning her attention away from him to the water. He either didn't know how to take a hint or had some how figured out her mastermind of a plan. Yes, her house was rather impressive, especially in comparison to the other's in the district. But that was a given, all victors were treated as royalty.

"Alright." It was Chandra admitting defeat to this boy, it was her coming to the understanding he wasn't going to be easy to get rid of. She nodded towards the town as she began to walk in the direction of the town square. The Victor's Village wasn't far from the water and it was credited with beautiful views of the ocean from her window on the second story. ""It's not that impressive," she added. Mainly to undermine his interest and add an air of superiority.