dylan howell 12 finished

Hey Dylan and welcome to the site!

A few things:

1) Your codeword is wrong. Just the first letter is off. If you've finished the trilogy, you can probably guess what it is.
2) We require two paragraphs for appearance, three for personality, and three for history with five or more sentences each. No worries, there's a lot you can cover. For example, why does Dylan know how to hunt? Katniss was one of the two people in District 12 who could hunt because her father taught her. Make sure Dylan has flaws or make his flaws into something that could give him a disadvantage.
3) Check your spelling and grammar. If you copy and paste into a Word doc, it should auto-correct for you.

Thanks and reply when done!

Saph

Hey Dylan, let's go through this bio.

Appearance:
It's complete, but I feel like you could go into more detail with his appearance. By detail, I don't mean more facts about him; I want more synthesis in your statements. Why does his shirt have so many holes? How does he feel about only having one eye? Make your sentences connect.


Personality:

the fence turned on right after he was under and out.

I would just like to remind you that the Capitol doesn't really care about that fence. Remember, the only time D12 provides enough energy is when the Games are running. The only reason why the fence turned on in Catching Fire was because Katniss was already a danger to the Capitol.


History:

That's when he started teaching himself how to use a bow,in the woods

I feel like this is highly unlikely because 1) sneaking out of the district is extremely rare and 2) where would he get a good bow to begin with? I'm sure the trees don't just hand them to him randomly.

A wild dog attacked him. The dog tried to claw at his face. He only got one blow to the eye before he could recover and kill it.

I don't know about you but if I were a thirteen-year-old boy, I wouldn't be able to leave a battle like that with only just one blow to the eye. He hasn't been trained in fighting, he is pretty much malnourished (both because he had to live on his own and because he's from D12), and what weapon would he have? If I were in his situation, I would either be 1) dead or 2) struggling to make it back to the district alive. Wild dogs are vicious. Plus, this guy only has one eye. I don't know about you, but when I try walking around with one eye closed, I find myself really off-balanced or just running into things.

Dylan's friend Sam showed him how to hunt useing traps.

Nope, too much like Katniss-Gale hunting relationship.


Overall:
I think there could be a lot of work in terms of grammar for this bio, but since that is not the aspect we focus on, I'll just leave it at the fact that your character is good. However, understanding who your character is could be so much better with a better flow. It's not something you have to fix, but in the long run, it just might help you out.

Once you have fixed up the app, respond and someone will look at him again.

Is this done being edited/modified?