All or Nothing At All [Semper]

As Jana lay down beside him, Dominic's emerald green eyes watched her movements, noticing how the flickering shadows made shadows dance along her back and seemed to make her red hair light up with the vivacity of the fire itself. How could someone as good as Jana end up with someone as mentally unstable as himself? His mood could change as fast as a twig could snap and he would be lunging at throats, but Jana seemed very much able to see all past that. She didn't view him as the paranoid schizophrenic he was; she saw him as an equal, someone who could think coherently and act after thinking things through -- or at least he hoped that was how she saw him. Dominic didn't want to be labeled as a schizophrenic to her. He wanted to be able to take care of her instead of the other way around. He wanted to be able to stay with her and not have to worry about whether or not the voice would convince him to strangle Jana in her sleep. The boy quickly shook his head to get rid of the thought, focusing back on the lighted outlines of Jana’s features.

Everything she was saying made sense to him, but a gnawing sense of guilt made him feel like he had brought to surface something he shouldn’t have: Jana’s mother. He didn’t know much about her – only that she had died of an illness – but he assumed that she meant a lot to Jana. And judging by the tone she was using to describe her answer to him, she missed her.

It’s always easy to kill someone when they’re already down.

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Dominic jerked suddenly as he heard the voice inside of his head, that hissing little sound that had caused him so much pain. A look of panic swept across his face.

No, I’m not gonna hurt her. All she’s done is try to help me, and she likes me for who I am. You included.

But for how long? It’s only a matter of time before you scare her off, just the way everyone at school was terrified of you and picked on you because you talk to yourself too much.[/color]

Jana wouldn’t do that. She’s fair, kind, and friendly… she wouldn’t do that. You don’t know her like I do.

Choosing to act instead of listen to whatever the voice had in retaliation, Dominic slowly and hesitantly reached out with his hand, gently moving strands of red hair behind her ear. It was also in that moment that Jana turned to look at him, and he sat there silently, looking into her forest green eyes, feeling the mounting sense of guilt beginning to get to him. It didn’t take long before he couldn’t stand to hold eye contact with her.

”I’m sorry, Jana… I didn’t mean to bring up anything that would remind you of your mother.” He said in a small, apologetic voice. ”But I get what you’re saying. And don’t let yourself believe you did anything to make your mother sick and die.” Dominic knew he was contradicting everything he had asked her earlier, but he didn’t want her thinking that she did anything. Gathering up what little courage he had, the schizophrenic laid down beside her, despite the stings of pain his back was giving him. ”You don’t have to think – you did nothing wrong. You couldn’t have. You’re such a good person, Jana…. you’re the only one who’s ever stayed by me willingly. Me, of all people. Someone as good as you doesn’t deserve anything like that.” He paused, staring up at the dark rotting wood in the ceiling. Dominic knew what it was like to lose someone close to you, but he had been so young when he lost his mother that all the memories he had of her were blurred together. After she had died, his father had continuously told him one thing: Just move on. Live and let die. And to the schizophrenic, that was just about the bravest thing anyone could do. ”I’m sure your mother would be very proud of you and the way you still carried on even after she died.”

He turned his emerald green eyes so that he could look at her silhouetted by the firelight before turning his gaze back up to the ceiling, watching the rippling shadows dance across the cracked and decayed wood. ”Karma’s a bitch.”




In This Moment

((I'm sorry it took me forever to reply. x.x ))
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