unscriptedddd (pthalo)

He repeated to himself over and over again, I must not tell lies. I must not tell lies. Lies are no good, I must not tell lies. But it was impossible not to. He couldn't be alone any longer, he couldn't go through life without someone to be able to talk to. During training, he wanted to be able to be friendly with someone. He wanted to be able to feel his feet across the cold concrete and create a smile instead of a scoff, instead of a grimace.

He told himself that he was bipolar. Remembering the blue cover of the book, the tattered pages and the coffee rings on the corners of some of them. He remembered the illustrations, black and choppy, as if the typewriter that had printed the book had somehow printed the image. He didn't care though, he read every word he could, intrigued by every little condition and how you could treat them. He remembered always reading the home remedies, trying to memorize them in case something like the condition it came with ever occurred to him. The words flew off of the page and entered into his ears and napped in his brain, a string that was pulled out of the other ear sooner than he could recollect on what he'd read. The only thing that'd stuck was the disorder he thought he had, and it was mainly because he thought it would be his savior, would stop him from all of the attitude problems he was having, the angers and thoughts he had.

And he hadn't thought of a plan to get out of his situation, as he'd acted on a dime and had been more narrow-minded than he'd been in recent times. Once the situation had receded and whatever happened happened, there'd still be the lie he'd just made to carry on his back, gripping him tightly around the neck as its feet dragged across the ground. He'd have to find some way to hide Zack, to keep Julian from ever finding out that one of the most meaningful things he'd said in his life time was a lie.

It brought a halt to Julian's fumigation, the constant steam that poured from his ears had dissipated into a few puffs every now and again. Julian looked at his feet and up into Grind's eyes. There wasn't much of a difference height wise, but Julian still had to look up. Grind latched on to the shine that was in it and dug a hole so deep into his heart that not even all of the miners in District 12 could mine it out. He threw that shine in that hole and told himself he'd never forget it. Why had he never realized how lonely he was, how much he yearned for someone to love and hold?

He could see a glimpse of vulnerability in Julian. Grind wanted him, Grind was selfish.

He'd always been resourceful.

"But you do care. Or else you wouldn't have hesitated. You can wear your armor now, but you can't forever. It'll weigh you down."