Cúiseanna (Aisely vs. Inkling vs. Shrol Fight) Feb 3, 2012 22:23:39 GMT -5
Post by Stare on Feb 3, 2012 22:23:39 GMT -5
Love can touch us one time,
And last for a lifetime,
And never let go 'til we're gone.
Ten faces appeared in the sky (if you can even call it that) last night.
Ten teenagers left the Arena the common way yesterday. Ten families sobbing at home, wanting to be able to hold their lost children just one last time but finding only their tears to comfort them. Ten souls that fled their bodies, taking flight one final time before becoming no more. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from letting out a string of curses, thankful that my face was cloaked in darkness. If they saw the expression on my face after I counted the faces... for once in my life, my emotions would have been easy to read. I can't help but hate the injustice of it all- it's just that none of it is fair. We don't deserve this- not after sixty years of suffering by the Capitol's hand. Those ten were kids. Not military leaders or proven rebels. Just ten teenagers who had to pay the price for a war they weren't even born to see. But I had cut my thoughts off quickly. In the Arena, I can't afford to be thinking that way. I can't consider rebellion in a place where it could never be more deadly. Even the slightest hint of something more than an attempt to save my own life, and that's it for me. That's it for my family.
And aren't the Marlings already broken enough? With Luke thought to be dead, Imi in the Detention Center, and me in the Games, we are as shattered as a family could be. I will not do anything to put them through anymore pain. How will Imi survive without her siblings? She stands tall and strong, but I know that her armor is thinner than it seems and that she is, in truth, very fragile. Will my death push her over the edge? It is enough to make me speak, something I haven't dared do until now, as I cross into the North Tower and into the bog. "Imi, I swear, if you do anything stupid, I will haunt you for all eternity and longer."
Despite my conflicting emotions within, my face remains a cold, determined mask. I've gotten quite good at it, after years of practice. Actually, this is much easier than wearing a plastic smile- more comfortable, somehow. And, as a bonus, I'm not uncertain of the people around me, constantly wondering if they only act now to gain my trust, and will eventually betray me in some horrible way. I know that the people in here will stab me in the back without hesitation, which is an odd sort of relief. At least in the Arena, where all things are horrifying and unreal, I know who my enemies are.
Have I already been molded into a monster by the Capitol's cruel hands? Perhaps. Maybe I should have just stepped off my plate when I had the chance- at least then, I would have still been fresh and innocent when I died. Now, my hands are permanently stained scarlet with the crimes I have committed. When I try to pull up the memory, it's only a blur of flashes, color, and screams. I can't remember the faces of the people that I attacked, so I am uncertain whether they eventually passed yesterday, or whether they now comb through the Arena, silently calling for my death. Even if the Capitol miraculously decided the end the Games now and pulled me out, I would not be unchanged. I have hurt, which is perhaps just as bad as having killed. And the worst part is, I showed no fear. No hesitation or regret. There was only crimson rage.
But that's okay, because I'm doing this all for my family... right? I mean, it's justified if every attack is powered by love. Of course it is. Because I can still hear Luke's piano music, deep within me, beautiful and calm and laced with cool summer breezes and sweet lemonade in this nightmarish place. If my morning star carries the sound of Imi's laughter, clear and joyful, then it must mean that I have reasons. And a reason is all I need to harm someone. The guilt can't get me then, because love is standing in its way. And that justifies why I didn't cry for the fallen tributes or why I feel no regret, only anger. That is why I'm not a monster.
((OOC: The above graphic was made by the wonderful and amazing South<333))