// Fire Burns Like Tears In My Heart // [Sycamore]

Despair is ravenous on the roof of Sycamore.

She crows loudly as she sits in the midst of the smoke, like a hungry vulture disappointed to find that it’s meal has not perished under the hands of Death. Her black beady eyes scan the group of broken, defenseless, torn, abandoned victorious children that lay splattered against the wet grass. Victory is in our grasp - for we have all escaped the confines of Death, for we are all alive and stronger than we were before. Broken are we - the timeless victims to the claws and teeth of Despair. Like a tattered white flag raised over the midst of destruction and chaos in our hearts - so many times have “We surrender!” -ed. But do we surrender today? Do we give in to the misguided ideals of society, allow our cruel minds to label us as unwanted and useless, let horrific nightmares roam the plains of day and poison the fidelity of the sunlight? Under any circumstances, we do not surrender. The battle has been fought, and we have finally won.

Victory still tastes sweet on my tongue as Despair’s beady eyes land on me. She cannot touch me now - she cannot touch any one of us. How can she hurt any one of us, now, when we have all found the one thing that she I we all know will destroy her? When we have all found that one thing that has finally saved us, that has finally rescued us, that has finally become our permanent refuge?

Hope.

Hope stands by my side today maybe, during the entirety of my existence, Hope has been there, but I’ve just been too goddamn blind to see it, and Despair - realizing the futility of her situation - hisses at us one last time and turns to leave Sycamore behind. She doesn’t look back.

I feel something intangible and sweet and unfamiliar that bubbles within me, lifting up from my stomach and passing through my lips in the form of a small laugh. The feeling is so pleasant and pure and different - the kind of different that welcomes the change that’s about to come. The laugh doesn’t seem to reach anyone else, though, but instead evaporates into the air and rises into the sky - and it’ll be a long time until any of us will see that again. But the change makes it’s appearance quick, and, well, undeniably clear. Arwen and Silas, despite the rain that pounds down on their soot covered flesh and goosebumped skin, are somehow able to grasp the presence of the Hope around them and use it to break through the surface of that sea they’ve both been swimming around circles in for so long, now. Somehow, despite the chaos around them, they’ve finally found the one thing that we all secretly yearn and crave for.

Silas and Arwen have found love in each other.

Unconsciously, my eyes raise up to look for Lilith. For the girl who’s managed to fill in that gap in my, no, all of our lives, while no one has yet to fill it in hers. And then, suddenly, she’s there, right in front of me. I’m looking at her, now, at her pale face and drenched clothes and soaked hair - and the only thing my mind has the capability of thinking is ”She’s just so beautiful. So goddamn beautiful.” She isn’t looking at me, though, her eyes are intent on the wound on my chest. The scar still slightly tingles, even with the cold rain embracing it. Her palm reaches out to the burn, and, already, I could feel my skin repairing itself at the presence of her touch. She always had that effect, hadn’t she? The power to heal - even when she couldn’t heal herself. “You need to let me have a look at that later.” She tells me quietly, her voice hardly heard over the pounding of the rain. She drops her hand to her side, her eyes meeting mine. A thousand words are exchanged between us - a thousand things we want to tell each other, a thousand feelings we want to share, a thousand stories we want to exchange - but, instead, only two come out, “Thank you.”

And then, she is gone. She turns her back to me, and faces the children - our children - of Sycamore. How does she do that? How does she manage that power of holding everything together when things still so desperately try to fall apart? Lilith, she is so much more than the just the mother of this poor, obscure, demented family - she’s the strength in our family, the thing that keeps it moving forward. In spite of our wildest imaginations - we could never survive without her.

“Listen up,” Her voice calls, drifting through the wind and in between the heavy drops of rain. In an instance, her voice raises the attention of the kids. She just has that uncannily powerful effect, the effect to bring peace and order to places in which you’d expect to be the last place to find peace and order. Somewhere among the wearied pair of eyes, I find Lalia’s and hold her gaze. A small smile lifts my face as I nod to her slightly, letting her know everything will be all right. “We’ll make it through this. We will.” Lilith’s voice is loud and strong in the cold rain, feeding us that warmth that we all need during this time of desperation. And, even with the threat of flooding waters, it ignites the flame within us - motivates us all to move forward. “Things are going to be hard, but we’ve dealt with crap in the past, and we can deal with this. You can think what you want, but I don’t want to hear a single negative word from any of you, understand?” The kids are all tired, these feelings are smeared across their ash stricken faces. But this revelation, this tiny reminder that Lilith’s given them - the fact that we are going to be okay, after all, seems to make them all stand up a little taller, seems to make them all grow a little stronger, seems to make them all understand that this is not the end, this is only the beginning. “We’re going to be okay.”

Silence prevails in the words that follow, but Lilith’s eyes meet mine, as if in need for confirmation. Because, in spite of everything, in spite of my evil, in spite of my mistakes, in spite of my arrogance, in spite of my wretchedness I am still their leader, I am still the one they look up to, I am still the one they follow, I am still the one they know that will never, ever, give up on them.

I nod to Lilith, and then to the kids - looking into all of their faces. Pride bubbles up within me, pride for each and one of these kids who - at such a young age in their life - are able to show more bravery and courage than any other kid could muster up. I turn my back on them to settle my gaze on the house. It’s broken, battered, and damaged - finally revealing the lives of it’s inmates.

But, Hope grabs my hand, reassures me of the many more hardships and storms we will all, undoubtedly, endure. Hope wounds around us all, binding us together with an unfathomable force, a power we all couldn’t even explain if we tried. Hope reassures me that we will always get through this, together - as a family - no matter what may happen, again.

“We’ll get back up again.” I tell them. “We always do.”