Two & a Half Quarters [Jack]

I expect him to be soaking his skin in the warm water but instead he's right behind me, which takes me by surprise because I don't know what he wants so close by. Maybe he wants to get to the sink, which I'm bloking. No, not the sink.
A second later he closes the distance between us and presses his lips on mine, warm and soft. Holy shit must I ever be drunk to imagine things like this. My best friend, the guy, who saved my life and spends ages in search of his girlfriend and son is not kissing me on the lips or is he?
The alcohol slows me down enough not to be able to pull back in a very fast fashion. Instead I stand frozen and feel his lips on mine. I want to push him back but my feelings for him as a friend forbid me to be that rude.
So I simply step back and stare at him in awe. Why did he do that? Is that his way of helping me over Noreen? Some strange twisted way?
I wipe his spit from my bottom lip and mumble. "Why did you do that?"

That look in his eyes is something I've only ever seen in Noreens eyes and suddenly it dawns on me...Devroux wanted to kiss me- he's longing for me. My jaw drops slightly as I blink at him not know how to feel about this or what to do.

Devroux Strom out and looks truly upset while he's trying to put as much space between us as he possibly can when only seconds ago he did the absolute opposite.
Confused I stare at the door, which he closes after him. Confused is actually an understatement. That just really happened, didn't it? But why? Devroux wouldn't answer me so I have to figure it out for myself. My first idea is that the avox kissed me because of the compassion he feels. Maybe he's trying to fill the void that Noreen left to tear me out of my downward spiral. If that was the case I must say it worked for now because I'm so udderly confused that I can't even think of Nonnie.

But then how could a guy fill the void she left? I'm not in love with him, nor do I find him attractive or anything. How could I? he's a guy...occasionally I've heard of boys loving boys but it's a tabu around our district so nobody ever really expressed such feelings publicly. Maybe it's different where he comes from. Hang on. But he's a father. So he must have slept with a woman at least once.

To clear my confusion and see what he's doing now I step outside once I'm dressed in clean close and meet the investigative eyes of my dad. "Did Devroux finally get you to pull your head out of your ass, son?" He says in a very provocative way. "I was worried that I'd have to cut you off your booze supply."
I guess he's talking about me cleaning up but I just shrug. "He's a good friend."

With that I'm out the door and start looking for him.
Obviously his own deed has confused him just as much as me because I find him hammering his forehead against the bark of a tree.
"Hey, Dev. Stop!" I shout across the yard but he chooses to ignore me and keeps going. It truly hurts me to see him so upset that he hammers his own head against a tree.
So I put my hand on his shoulder and say more firm. "C'mon, stop it. I didn't mind."
My friend seems to punish himself for the kiss so I finally grab him to pull him away from the tree.
His forehead has a bunch of scratches but his expression is worse. Incredibly upset.
Without thinking about appropriateness I wrap my arms around him from behind and hold him tight, slowly rocking abck and forth. "Hey, don't do that to yourself. It's okay." I don't need to understand why he did it or why he's so upset to see that he's hurting and I don't care if anybody sees us like this. It's no worse than me in a puddle of vomit behind the shed.

Devrouxs behaviour confuses me. I told him he didn't have to worry about kissing me and he's pushing me away? I probably wouldn't be able to comprehend this on any normal day without my blood mixed with liquor but with my mentally challenged state at the moment it's absolutely impossible.

The way he throws himself back and forth and growls at me reminds me a great deal of some strange animal, maybe a mutt. For a second I wonder whether that's what he is but I sold myself fpor even thinking that sort of thing about him.

"I don't get you, Devroux." I scold him. "You come back here to save my sorry ass, try to straigthen me out but then kiss me for who knows what reason and when I tell you that it's no big deal, you push me away and growl at me?" My tone has become harsher and harsher with every word and now I'm staring him down, just like he was staring me down after he dunked me in the lake. Red rimmed Green eyes are glistening in the sun.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" I'm tempted to call him 'avox' because my drunkeness has turned into anger, but I refrain from it.

From the ground I pick up a stone with a sharp edge so he can scratch something into the smooth bark of the tree next to him and shove it in his hand.
"You're my friend, right? Tell me!" I demand. If Devroux insist on making me face the world again, I insist on him telling what's the matter with him and why he's behaving so odd.

When Devroux starts scratching letters into the bark I give him some space and wait for him to finish. I can't hide that I'm eager for an answer though. So I almost push him aside to step up to the tree again when he's done and read the scribbled words. I LOVE FELIX.
Wait, didn't he say the mother of his sons name was....and Felix sounded an aweful lot like a guy.
I FEEL LIKE I BETRAYED HIM. Him! My jaw literally drops in disbeleive when I take a step back again.
"You what? You love a guy and feel like you betrayed him?" I spell it out to myself just to wrap my mind around it. I've never met any gay people or had gay friends. Well, maybe I do but don't know it because nobody here will tell you. Everybody in district 10 still remembers the day when our sapposedly gay teacher got dragged into the market square and whipped until he kissed a woman and admitted he loved women now. How pathetic. As if they could change his mind for him. Why did the capitol disagree with it anyway? Those silly creatures with their strange fashion and hobbies. I bet they had all sorts of feelings, too.
Maybe the capitol needed to keep their supply of children as tributes up.

I realize I'm staring at Devroux and blink a few times before I say. "Good, you should. If you love Felix, you shouldn't be kissing me."
I could face palm myself now but I'm so surprised that I really don't know what else to tell him.
Words like "are you sure" or "why do you love a guy?" would surely be hurtful and no matter who he loves, Devroux is my best friend...one with a big secret, I guess.

I shake me head and suddenly ask. "How come you have a kid with a woman then?"

I can't interpret what's going on behind those eyes of my friend. He seems angry, disapointed and confused. It dawns on me that he's got more of a bundle to carry than I actually know. That I know so little about him even though we've spent some time together wandering through the woods, sitting in front of the fire during the cold days, is probably due to the fact that he can't speak.
Slowly I start wrapping my mind around the fact that he's not in love with the mother of his child but another man. As much as it surprised me at first it does explain a few things like the way he looked at me during my bath. He must have found me somewhat attractive and the kiss wasn't as compassionate as I thought but actually lustful. Strangely enough that idea doesn't repel me or gross me out. It seems just a human as a guy lusting for a woman.

'Colton just happened'. Most people would say that things like that can't or shouldn't happen btu I knwo differently.
"Oh, I know all about kids just happening." This actually painfully reminds me of the fact that my kids 'happened' but are gone now.
"In fact Noreen and I didn't sleep many times together when our kids 'happened'."
The change of subjects hits a little too close to home so I lower my head and voice.
"But they are just as meaningful and have every right to have a good life."
Like always I can feel my throat tighten. This time I catch myself before I fall too low though.

"Whatever you are, Devroux. I don't care. You are my best friend."

While I'm still trying to push my won feelings about my kids aside, be it desperation, be it hope I watch a variety of emotions wash over my friends face. Sometimes I wish so much he could talk to me and tell me more about what's going on inside that head of his.

He finally attempts a smile and places his hand on my shoulder so I know we're good. It would be too bad if anything got in the way of our friendship.
"I'd hate to loose you as my friend, Devroux. I don't have many friends who would risk catching a bullett for me. You're very special. In every possible way and I really don't give a rats ass who you love." I want to add. "As long as you keep your tongue out of my mouth." but I don't because that kind of silly joke could be quite hurtful for him right now. Maybe at another place and time we can joke about this.

Nodding towards the house I ask. "How about putting a shirt on before the neighbors start talking..." I laugh a little because it's truly ridiculous to care about a shirt or somebody knocking his head against a tree after what I've pulled here lately from smashing the window of our back door by sending Scutcher through it to passing out in my own vomit. Between my own indescrete actions and Nonnie being reaped and killed they've probably slagged us off many a times.

With the avox in tow I walk back inside where I catch the curious glimpse of my father.
"It's all good, dad."
"If you say so." He mutters before he dissapears in his room but I know exactly that he thinks it's my fault Dev was upset.

When my gaze falls at our kitchen table I notice how hungry I am. Lately I've been living of soup and booze and most of that is distributed in a disgusting puddle in our yard. my belly is rumbling and I feel the need to eat something a little more substantial so I start roaming around in the kitchen in search of food but find none. No wonder. usually I'm the one putting food on the table.

"How good are you and hunting squirrels?" I ask Devroux and pull a slingshot from a drawer.

First I open the drawer again that contains all kinds of useful utensils like string, sciccors, tape, kneedle and thread.
"Really, so great, proof it."
Then I walk over and grab the note pad from the table where we've left it and hand it to Devroux. Finally I grab a cloth and hold it under the cold water before I pass it to him. "You're forehead is starting to swell. You have a nasty bump there."

I'm so hungry and hung over that I need to get some food quickly. After a quick sip of water from the tub I grab a second slingshot and walk to the door. Hopefully Dev is following me out back. If he isn't I will go by myself.

Not even ten minutes later we've reached a group of maple trees, where squirrels can always be found and sure enough there are a few jumping around up in the treetops, well hidden by large green leafs.
I grab a stone from the ground and place it in the sling, then pull back to aim.
Quietly my hand and eye follow a grey sqirrel up in the maple but when I release the stone hits the bark but not the squirrel, who immediately flees.
"Damn, I mutter." and lower my weapon. Absentmindedly I rub my stomach, which still hurts considerably, and then turn to watch what Devroux is doing.