The price of the passage (LOST plot)

Elizabeth helps me get Nick and Lexi out, and I take a few steps back to let them recover. I observe in shock as Lexi pops her kneecap back into place. It's pretty gross, but I have to respect her for being able to do that by herself. I don't know if I could have done something like that without freaking out.

Nick goes over to inspect the tiger mutt, leaving me and the two girls. Elizabeth then tells Lexi to scream. I'd like to scream right now. I'd like to scream at Nick, and at the mutt, and at the whole world. But mostly Nick, because I'm furious with him right now. Yes, anger has begun to grow in the void. I'm no longer emotionless, but I've bounced back on to the roller coaster of feelings, and this time it's taking me on a ride through anger.

"And how do I feel like I'm in the Hunger Games?" says Elizabeth, her head resting on my shoulder. I feel my eyes widen slightly. She's right. The mutt, the survival... It all screams the Hunger Games. I'm about to say something when Nick turns around. He looks around and gasps slightly.

"Oh shit, oh shit....does this remind anybody else of the island in the games...a few years back?" I look at him, trying to remember. Could he be right?

Lexi seems to somewhat agree with what Nick is implying, but she downplays it quite a bit. The idea is a bit far-fetched, really. I doubt that we could be on an island actually used in the Hunger Games. Maybe, maybe they used the island as a model, but I still doubt that. Those Gamemakers are too creative for that. They must have an endless arsenal of arenas they can come up with. This might as well be the arena, though. It seems like everything is developed to hurt us. The crazy mutt or mutts, all the cliffs, that reef that cut up Nick's arm, and who knows what else. This entire island could be lurking with extremely dangerous obstacles and creatures. And that's solely from nature's cruel creation.

It's funny. The natural perils are a threat to our physical well-being. Things that will kill us, eat us, poison us, torture us. Endless nights of empty stomachs may await us. Injury after infection after injury. Those are fairly normal. But the emotional weight of our trapped days in this remote place... it will be exceedingly heavy. I've already suffered some of the effects. But how long until even strong Lexi and Nick break down? And witty Elizabeth, who's leaning on me with a tired expression? They may await the same fate as me. Emotionally unstable person with no reason to live. Filled with hatred and rage and disappointment. Could I bring that upon them? I would never do it purposely, but it's not hard to adopt my sense of thinking after being around too long. They've definitely caught on to my off mood, judging by the girls' glances in my direction.

But will they ever truly know what this feels like?

Perhaps it takes betrayal - I mean, a broken heart - or... Whatever it is that Nick did to me. I still don't know. I'm not sure that I want to know how I feel about him. I'm afraid I may take out my anger or something. It's drowned out everything else I've felt from him over our short time together. Yet I find myself thinking about him nearly every moment. Whether I'm saving him or hating him, he's on my mind. And I can't get that pained face, lit by the fire and smeared with blood, out of my head. I know that it will haunt every waking hour, and every dream I can have. Of course it will. That moment, in Nick's agony, did so many things to me. I've tried not to think about it until now, but I know it's something I should not have seen. It wasn't good for me. And look at me now.

Eliza bursts with a ton of words, accusing the other two completely. Telling them they're wrong or something. I don't know. I'm too focused on how stupid it is that any of us could be arguing right now. We should be concerned with our own survival here. I suppose if it really is an old arena, we could be in for some trouble. But I'd rather not worry about that now. Besides, there are no Gamemakers and dangerous tributes to worry about. We just need food and shelter. Not a fight.

I'm about to urge us on and back to the beach when Nick makes my point. "We should eat first and then do as she said. Take turns at watching and sleeping because tonight will be a long night." I frown slightly. He's telling us what to do. His command got us all beat up and stuck on this island. I am so sick of listening to his directions. He should not be in charge. If anyone should, it's Elizabeth. Lexi is alright, but the young one has her head straight and knows how to stay rational and calm. That's a lot more useful than arrogant, or unstable.

"Thanks by the way," Nick mutters after looking at us all. I feel the anger well up inside me once more, threatening to burst open in a fit of rage. But I contain the steam in my head, and make a point to stay calm. At least he's thanking us. Even if it is really, really late.

Without further discussion, we all begin to head up the hill we came/fell down. It would be a very simple climb, but the vines and weeds make the trek a lot harder. I catch Nick's glance, and he seems a bit suspicious. "You alright back there?" he asks. And that does it. It unleashes the fury I've been holding in for far too long. There's no going back now. He's done it.

"Am I alright? Why don't you tell me Nick! I just risked my life to save your ass, and for no reason. So did the girls! Here we are, all just trying to protect strong old Nick here, and what does he do in return? Nothing. You've landed us on some desolate island, which may be more dangerous than we think. We're all in pretty bad shape. We almost got killed, we saved you, and all you can do is mutter a tiny thanks?! We have so much for you and all you've done is be an ass!" I'm shouting really loud, and any predators around would absolutely hear me, but I don't care. Kill me now, I won't mind. "Maybe it would make sense if you were just hostile torwards me, but the girls don't deserve for you to be a jerk to them! You don't care about any of our safety. Yet, you'd be dead without us!" I feel hot tears form on my eyes, and my breath gets heavy and twisted. It felt good to let all the anger out on Nick, my love, my enemy, whatever. I know I had to let it out, rather than live the remainder of my life with this hostile attitude torwards him.

I just want things to be normal. A teenager who dates and has fun. Not survives on an island with an asshole/love interest and two girls.

I want my life back.

I was expecting so much more. A whole arsenal of words and curses hurled in my direction, or a punch in the face. No, Nick hardly yells anything back, and then storms off in the direction of the beach. The tears keep coming, rolling down my cheeks. I try to take a deep breath, but it's labored and shaky. Elizabeth comes to my side, trying to calm me down. She tells me the two of us can go and get more water and goldenseal, and I figure we can explore for some other things too. The longer I'm away from Nick right now, the better. I can't help but wonder what will happen when we see each other at camp again. A flood of possibilities rushes into my head. Good ones, bad ones. Ideas that I had already formulated when I wasn't furious with him. I'd rather not talk about those.

The three of us finally begin to return to camp. I can't decide whether that's where all of our problems lie, or if that's in the forest. The camp seems more likely to me. At least the forest has food and water.

Elizabeth and I leave Lexi with Nick, so that they can keep an eye on each other. It was Liz's plan, and I must say it was a good one. Any other match up wouldn't have been a very good idea. This way, I'm hoping the two of us can just stay in the forest until sunset, and return to camp for the night. There are plenty of things that can be done.

I lead her to the place Nick and I found. Not exactly a friendly memory. It's the place I literally confessed my love to Nick. How much we've gone through in the past few days, Nick and I. It must be some kind of a record. As we near the small lake, I resist the urge to just run and jump into the water. It's so fresh and clear, and I'm so filthy... It would really be a nice break.

Then I realize we must have left the bucket somewhere on the beach when the mutt attacked us. I turn to my companion, still trying to sort through my blurred memories. "Do you remember what happened to the bucket? Did we leave it back by the rock pool?" I ask, with almost a tone of anxiety to my voice. I must sound crazy and over-worried. I don't really need to freak out this much. But then again, my head has been through a lot, this can be expected.

{ooc: Didn't even bother trying to compare to yesterday's post xD }