The price of the passage (LOST plot)

I idly think about Nick and Elizabeth, trying to figure out what their motives could possibly be. I think Nick has some issue with his image. Like, he wants everyone to see him as some macho man who can do anything, but I already know the truth behind that. Perhaps he's just a conceited ass. That makes more sense, but I'm having trouble accepting it.

Elizabeth is just... nice. She seems to actually care for me, and it's very reassuring when there are only two other possible people. I realize that I care for her too. She's too nice and innocent to die here, so soon. The rest of us deserve it to some degree.

I lose myself in my thoughts, mostly unaware of the darkening sky. The air is still warm, so the cool water distracts me, and I can't focus on anything else. But suddenly, a sharp scream of my name snaps me back into reality. My head whips around first, and then I rise out of the water, sliding in the mud beneath. "Elizabeth?!" I call out frantically. She sounds like she's in danger. My own distress is almost surprising. I reacted too quickly to that...

"Salem, I'm having a panic attack. I need you to lead me to Nick and Lexi now," she says somewhat calmly. I feel my brow furrow, slightly confused by her statement. Panic attack? She sounds like she's in pain, but regardless, she needs me. I find myself running, difficultly in the water, and jumping up on the bank. One foot in front of the other, drawing nearer to the voice I heard. I think I hear her say something else. I'm not sure what, but it tells me I'm heading in the right direction.

I nearly trip over her weak form, landing in the dirt with a thud. I let out a small groan, the impact of the landing having hurt my shoulder. "Elizabeth?" I say softly, crawling to her. She looks freaked out, terrified even. "Come on, let's go back to camp. It's getting darker by the minute." I take her hand gently, not wanting to scare her. I guess that sounds a little ridiculous, but who knows how unstable she is right now?

Great. Now she's gonna end up like me.

{ooc: sorry I haven't posted.. I have no muse.}

The pain in my eyes isn't natural. It isn't there just because I'm upset by the fact that something seems to be growing between Nick and Lexi. Somehow, I want them to know how I feel. Nick, especially. I want them to think that they've really hurt me, and they have. If the frown and sad eyes aren't enough, then I don't know how I can make it more obvious.

My stomach feels like it's dropped three feet, and like it's coming up my throat at the same time. Could Nick be doing this solely because he wants to upset me? I just don't understand how someone could do that. Make me think that things are... different, and then totally wrench my heart. It's infuriating, because I know I can't do anything about it.

Nick separates himself from Lexi and comes up to me, us, and asks about Elizabeth. Then his voice turns almost cold, asking why I took so long. I shoot him a hurt look, and then avert my eyes down to Elizabeth. "She should be fine. I think she's just dehydrated," I say quietly.

Lexi comes up and helps Elizabeth over to the fire. I gratefully let her go along, and I turn awkwardly to Jack. My eyes flutter down, then back up, up his legs, examining him idly until my eyes meet his. I think about his situation. Injured, weak, half naked. What reason do I have to love him? I think back to that first kiss.. The spark I felt. It feels like such a long time ago. Could that spark have been the single start to this thing I feel for him?

"Can we talk?" I ask him, the words leaving my mouth before I even think about it. What am I doing? I don't want to talk. What if I end up kissing him or something? Or crying? That's probably worse. I bite my tongue, reprimanding myself for saying that. My heart is acting before my brain again.

Nick hesitates a bit, but sure enough, he leads me away from the fire, leaving the girls to themselves. I'm not really sure how to start, though. I want to apologize to Nick for yelling at him, and just being an idiot in general, but it's hard. There are still bits of anger clouding my mind, and telling him I'm sorry doesn't really feel like the right thing to do, but I know it is. I frown slightly, not knowing what to do.

"I was worried about you. Some strange mutt could have attacked you," Nick says, breaking the silence. I'm not sure if he's saying he was worried about me, or both of us, but it still makes my heart leap a little. I look up at him with a surprised expression. Even though it's small, his statement is kind of him admitting something about his feelings. And those have always been a mysterious subject to me.

"Sorry about that. We lost track of time," I say unsurely, not knowing how to tell him that we were venting to each other. It was nice to let out my feelings to her, but it still left an awkward tension between Nick and me. I want to clear that up, I just don't really know how. I guess there's only one way to find out if I'm right.

"Listen, Nick. I'm really sorry about going all crazy on you. I didn't mean some of the things I said, but I was just really angry and confused. I don't want our... relationship to be awkward from now on. I know how you feel about me, and although I don't really like it, I'd like for us to at least be friends. We might as well be, if we're going to have to work together to stay alive." I stumble over my words a bit, especially on the word relationship. I get the feeling that he's going to laugh at me, like I'm just some big joke to him. I wouldn't be surprised if I am.