Hiding in the Dust[open]
Sept 14, 2012 21:28:26 GMT -5
Post by serum on Sept 14, 2012 21:28:26 GMT -5
I have never been a reckless person; it is a trait that I have been diametrically opposed to developing. To be reckless in the world I live in could lead to horrible consequences. Punishment comes in more than just the form of peace keepers. Everyone knows about the hover craft that dart around all of Panem. Just because we cannot see them does not mean that they are not there. Everyone has heard of Avoxes and the horrors that are perpetrated on them. And the risk to of becoming an Avox is one of the many reasons that I have never done anything reckless. But I can no longer stand the empty hole that grows wider every day.
I can feel the edges of it growing more haggard and weak and feeling the edges tear and rip. Slowly everyday this hole is growing and I can no longer fight the pain and anguish that it is causing. My mother has no idea what it is I try to live with on a daily basis. I know that when my brother died she lost a son and I can in no way diminish that. But what I lost that day was more than I can ever explain to anyone. My brother was my other half.
Literally, if I get hurt on my right side, he gets the same injury on his left in the exact same position. Although we were not twins, we were as close as any twins could possibly be. He always knew what I was thinking ever before I did. He knew when I was sick, why I was sad, and the best ways to cheer me up. And when he left, life became an impossible hurdle to attempt to overcome everyday.
And I just didn't want to try to do it anymore. There was such a hallow space that could not be healed or repaired and it was cruel to make my mother think I was okay when I wasn't. Mom had healed more than I had. She didn't have to fight for every smile, even if she didn't smile as often as she used to. But I can't fake it anymore. There wasn't anything left in me to try to protect with smiles.
I wouldn't kill myself; I was too large a coward to attempt something that dramatic. And I couldn't do that to my mother. But I couldn't stay in this place anymore. And that was what brought me to the fence that marked the edge of the District. I watched and listened to it to make sure that there was no current running through it. I had on my pack stuffed with food and weapons; knives to be specific. I had a water bottle and I knew how to purify water to make it safe to drink. After some digging I had even found a flint stick so I would always have fire. I could survive on my own, and that is what I plan to do.
I walk up to the very edge of the fence and look to make sure that there are no people coming, peace keepers or regular people. When I saw that there was no one around I gripped the fence and pulled myself up and over the fence, landing hard on the ground; causing my pack to slam into my spine and make my knees buckle. After getting my bearings, I picked and direction and now I"m walking away from The Seam. Leaving it's history and pain behind me.
I walk for hours, watching the sun sink into the hills. There was an odd silence in the forest. The birds were singing and I could hear water rushing around me. But it wasn't as if there was no noise. It was just a different kind of noise. More like music.
I'm not happy but I feel lighter than I used to. I walk for hours until it gets to the point of being dangerous. I find a cluster of trees that form a small hole that I can hide in and the cluster is so thick it will keep out any rain. I make a fire and take out some of the food I've brought with me. As I eat I listen. It's louder at night that it was during the day. There are bugs out in force and chirping the loudest I've ever heard. But then there's suddenly a sound that doesn't belong-the sound of footsteps.
I can feel the edges of it growing more haggard and weak and feeling the edges tear and rip. Slowly everyday this hole is growing and I can no longer fight the pain and anguish that it is causing. My mother has no idea what it is I try to live with on a daily basis. I know that when my brother died she lost a son and I can in no way diminish that. But what I lost that day was more than I can ever explain to anyone. My brother was my other half.
Literally, if I get hurt on my right side, he gets the same injury on his left in the exact same position. Although we were not twins, we were as close as any twins could possibly be. He always knew what I was thinking ever before I did. He knew when I was sick, why I was sad, and the best ways to cheer me up. And when he left, life became an impossible hurdle to attempt to overcome everyday.
And I just didn't want to try to do it anymore. There was such a hallow space that could not be healed or repaired and it was cruel to make my mother think I was okay when I wasn't. Mom had healed more than I had. She didn't have to fight for every smile, even if she didn't smile as often as she used to. But I can't fake it anymore. There wasn't anything left in me to try to protect with smiles.
I wouldn't kill myself; I was too large a coward to attempt something that dramatic. And I couldn't do that to my mother. But I couldn't stay in this place anymore. And that was what brought me to the fence that marked the edge of the District. I watched and listened to it to make sure that there was no current running through it. I had on my pack stuffed with food and weapons; knives to be specific. I had a water bottle and I knew how to purify water to make it safe to drink. After some digging I had even found a flint stick so I would always have fire. I could survive on my own, and that is what I plan to do.
I walk up to the very edge of the fence and look to make sure that there are no people coming, peace keepers or regular people. When I saw that there was no one around I gripped the fence and pulled myself up and over the fence, landing hard on the ground; causing my pack to slam into my spine and make my knees buckle. After getting my bearings, I picked and direction and now I"m walking away from The Seam. Leaving it's history and pain behind me.
I walk for hours, watching the sun sink into the hills. There was an odd silence in the forest. The birds were singing and I could hear water rushing around me. But it wasn't as if there was no noise. It was just a different kind of noise. More like music.
I'm not happy but I feel lighter than I used to. I walk for hours until it gets to the point of being dangerous. I find a cluster of trees that form a small hole that I can hide in and the cluster is so thick it will keep out any rain. I make a fire and take out some of the food I've brought with me. As I eat I listen. It's louder at night that it was during the day. There are bugs out in force and chirping the loudest I've ever heard. But then there's suddenly a sound that doesn't belong-the sound of footsteps.