{fairytale} endings [Cici]

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{fairytale} endings [Cici] Dec 28, 2012 15:24:33 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2012 15:24:33 GMT -5

FREYA HANIG

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Tonight, we are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun[/center]

On my fifth birthday, my father put a stick on my cake. It was short with pink and white stripes and an oddly pointy top. I'd never seen anything like it before, so I asked him what it was. “A birthday candle,” he said, and for a few seconds, I just stared at it, hoping it would do something. My father's smile was mocking, yet I merely continued to wait. “You have to light it,” he said.

“On fire?” My eyes grew large and fearful. I'd really only seen my father use a lighter a couple of times.

“Yes,” he said, taking the lighter from his pocket and putting it up to the candle. “We don't use candles much anymore, but I'm pretty sure they're still common in the districts.” He looked at me for a moment, his lighter right up next to the candle. “You ready?” His mischievous smile was waiting for my answer, so I nodded, my eyes full of complete awe. He quickly put his hand to the light switch beside him, leaving us both in pitch-black darkness. I trembled slightly, a bit fearful for what I could not see; but then, a small flame flashed before my eyes, and I had to keep from stumbling backwards at the sight. The candle quickly caught the flame, letting it dance for a few moments before settling.

However, my eyes were plastered to the sight of the flame, continuing to dance upon the candle. It never stopped moving, really. My father placed four more candles on the cake, and then told me, “Now you get to make a wish, and blow them out.”

Really? My elbows up on the table, it didn't take me more than a second to know what I wanted to wish for. “I wish that I can blow out all the candles,” I say, brushing my brown curls away from my face. I lifted myself as high as I could on my knees and blew. It took me about three breaths to blow out all five of the candles, but in the end, it was a victory.

I can look around this house and see lights—hanging from the ceiling, scattered across the walls, and even upon the office desk beside us. They all guide me down the hallways and through rooms that I've spent so long trying to escape, a path I'd never intended to follow. Yet, in front of me, stands the most captivating light in the house. It isn't the brightest or the largest or even the most extravagant, and that's why I like it. Everything about it is real.

I can see the flames flickering in his eyes, every source of my own hope implanted in that birthday wish. The flame never stops moving; it never gives up its freedom and sits down. I don't need the big artificial lights that line the City Circle, but I don't need a forest fire either. All I need is a candle to remind me of what it's like to love.

No matter how many birthdays come along, I won't blow out this candle, not like I did before. I'll keep my wish. I'd rather wait in the excitement and the hope, to be this undefeated spirit with a candle as a guide, than to fall into the luxuries of every life's wishes, to fall and to fall and to soak up the success.

Success is the ultimate defeat, because once you have it—once your hands are wrapped around it, so exclusively able to let go of everything else and just be free from your own spirit—which pieces of yourself are left? The artificial lights are back on; or maybe they're not, maybe you're still trapped in the darkness. But once that happens, there will be no candle left to keep you running towards the stars; if you already have the stars, there will be no reason to run, and if there's no reason to run, there's no reason to live.

I listen to Kormiko's explanation of his old girlfriend. Did he give her up for me? She was fake, he says, and I understand. The feeling of his finger at the edge of my lips and then his lips on mine start to bring me back—back to why I ever fell for Kormiko in the first place. “Now Freya, tell me why you are still standing there, tell me why you came back out of there, because I know why I chose you.” I smile, and bring one of my hands to his face.

“At first, I thought you were just one to go with the flow. I doubted you, and I was so wrong. So very wrong, and I'm sorry. You're my candle, and candles are stronger than fires, Kormiko. Nobody's going to put out a candle—they're always going to go after the fire. A fire can't last.” I let my hand drop.

“You keep me hoping, beating, breathing. You're the only real thing I can see for miles. So I don't care if we ever succeed, if we ever change the world and have our names in the history books. As long as this candle keeps glowing, I'm happy.”

The shame is gone. I lean forwards and kiss Kormiko, but this time it's as real as the glowing candlelight in his eyes. There aren't any tears or shame or forced feelings. Just us. When I finally pull back, I don't know why. I don't have anything to say; I don't know what to say; and for once, I just don't want to say. I'm merely enveloped in my own smile.

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cass
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{fairytale} endings [Cici] Jan 17, 2013 5:08:57 GMT -5

Post by cass on Jan 17, 2013 5:08:57 GMT -5

kormiko lazarov

To you, I'll give the world
To you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
And the songbirds are singing,

A lot of things have happened in my life. Many of those small things have had huge implications and normally it is the small things that make more of an evident change in one’s life than the big things. Most people base a change on the big things, like death, but it is actually the grief, and the emotions that cause that change. Like love, most people say the person they love, their soul mate is the reason they do odd things. When really it is the actual love, the feeling that comes with it. Truthfully it is actually emotions, it is never based on a certain event or tragedy, and it is always the string of feelings that flow along with the problem. A mind can be swayed with a few simple words, but the words only hold an essence of meaning because of the feelings behind them.

Dreams are built on everything that a person believes in and more often than not they are undermined by the things we hate, but often crave. Humans are the most fickle, trickiest things I know. They are so complicated and strange that to come up with the notion that you understand someone is always a lie. I once believed that I understood myself. As I breathed those words the lies seemed to drip from them. I suppose I said them more to convince myself than anyone else. If you don’t know who you are then how are you supposed to understand anything else? The question fooled me and tricked me. I had no idea of who I was, I tried to believe or conjure some mythical explanation of the person that I was. Anything that I came up with slipped my mind within an hour as I realised that I was totally and utterly wrong.

To define who you are cannot be done. To place a label on what is you, is impossible, there is simply no way to describe one’s self with a word. Words build a person, not actions. Words are more powerful than actions. Actions sure do follow close behind, but what you speak and say effects people more than what you do. Anyone can turn a crowd with words, sometimes the doing is not always enough. Yet, I believe I have learned not who I am, but what I am. No amount of time will ever be enough, but as I watch Freya, her delicate red lips, soft and warm under my touch. Her brown eyes burning with fire, passion and desire I know who I want to be. I know that with Freya I perhaps have the chance of knowing who I am. She fills the whole in my heart, the part of me that I never had known I had lost until it was there. And now that it is there I surely would die if it left.

The words that flow from her perfect lips bring a smile to my face. My eyes burn with happiness and when she leans forwards to kiss me I don’t hesitate before meeting her halfway. Our lips meet once more and I feel her desire and love under her touch. My heart quickens and where her fingers graze my skin I feel electric. There is no place on Earth I would rather be at that one moment. I have everything that I need.

After what seems like forever we slowly part. For once it seems that Freya is at a loss for words and I feel myself burn like the fire she had spoken about. I believed that as long as I had her that fire would always stay with me, I would defend it with everything I had and Freya would be the kindle and oxygen that fed it to grow stronger and glow brighter. She was my source of light and I loved her.

”I love you, Freya. You are not only the candle that burns within me, but also my light and everything to me.” Normally such soppy and romantic words like that would never have crossed my mind. But nothing seemed to explain the things that I felt for Freya. To be honest I had never felt this way before, for anything in my life. My parents had never received the same feelings, I felt cold and detached from them. Nothing was even close. I felt no shame for being with her, I felt nothing wrong with falling for a girl so young. I no longer minded what other people thought. I knew people would say something, that I was just using her to get what I wanted and at any other time that would have made me hurt, but right now I felt only joy, every other bad thought being swept away.

Emotions are the base of everything in this world, they create each and every individual person and they make everyone who they are. Only a few moments ago I knew that I had no clue who or what I was, but with each minute that I spend with Freya I become more surer of the person I want to be, of the person that I am.

I’ve always believed that hate was the strongest emotion of all. In my life I have seen so much hate and anger, the way it controls and destroy. But I’m not sure that hate truly is the strongest emotion of all. Standing in Freya’s home, holding her so close to me, feeling her heart beat in her chest, her skin against mine I know that for once no amount of hate could ever stop me from loving her: Because love is the most powerful thing of all.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

That word is love.

-Sophocles